I don’t really know where to start...
I’ve been with my partner for about 7 years, we're in our early 30's and we have a 10 month old baby and live a comfortable life. My partner is a good man - he works hard, treats me well and looks after me. I’m very fortunate because of him and know that without him my life wouldn’t be as good as it is now.
However, we have NO sex life. This isn’t just since I had our baby - it’s been like this for a long time!! To conceive I had to schedule in times! He has no desire to have sex and we have very little intimacy.
I do try to initiate intimate moments but for example tonight we’ve both come to bed early. I’ve lay next to him and stroked him and could feel him getting aroused but he continued to be on his phone playing a game. Once he’d finished the game he just turned over and said goodnight.
I feel stupid/embarrassed/lonely/rejected and humiliated. I also feel angry that I keep trying and feel like I must be looking desperate but I miss that part of a relationship.
I have such a low self esteem but since having our baby I’ve lost a considerable amount of weight (4 stone) and I am taking more care in my appearance. I actually have days where I think I look a little attractive but my partner shows no signs that he thinks/feels the same.
I have tried to talk to him but the last time I tried he just snapped at me and said that I kept bringing it up and I felt humiliated (I thought I’d been more subtle than I had been)
Sorry for the long post but I don’t know where to turn. I’ve tried talking to friends but I feel embarrassed and whenever they ask me again if things have improved I just lie because I’m scared of what they’ll think/say.
We got engaged last year and both my partner and friends/family keep asking when we’ll be getting married but this is a HUGE red flag for me. I’m scared to commit to a marriage when I feel our relationship is missing something that I feel is an important part.
Do I accept that this is my life and our relationship or do I walk away?