How do I leave when I can't afford to ?

[Longestlurkerintheworld]

I'm sure I have a few threads under previous names but I can never find them to link so I'll provide a brief background... 🤦‍♀️

I was in my relationship for a few years but after suffering a lot of financial and emotional abuse things have finally come to an end now. I have no savings, ex made me run up debt in my name (we're not married) and I'm unemployed and have a child under 1. I have no idea how on earth I'm meant to actually leave? Universal credit has to be the most awful system that could have been designed, I'm looking at around 4 weeks until I will receive anything, and as the tenancy is not in my name it's looking unlikely I'll receive housing benefit of any sort, but ex obviously expects I will pay my way. I just feel so down and frustrated with life at the moment. I've always worked and been good with money, tried to be independent and now I'm just fucked.

Go to citizens advice and/or speak to your local council. They might not be able to actually do much but can point you in right direction.

I send 🤗 as I am also waiting for UC. Ex has left but not paid any CM which I am going to have to chase up. And my income falls a bit short for outgoings because if this. Its a nightmare isnt it?

🤗🤗

Things might be shit for a while but they are so much better than the alternative of being with your ex

I've spoke to the council who were As helpful as they could be i guess, despite everything I'm just not a high priority for getting a council house. I have a choose and move account but bids on properties look to run into the hundreds...
If I didn't need a deposit I could just about scrape through the first month of rent and outgoings until I will get universal credit sorted but I just can't get a deposit together right now. I noticed i can get an advance on my universal credit payments but even that won't help as I'm entitled to less living with my ex. I just need to get out and start rebuilding. I know it will all be worth it eventually, it's just so daunting right now

Womans aid and move into a shelter?

Sorry if this is obvious and you must have considered it already - do you have family who you can move in with or help?

I guess that could be an option. Ideally I want to get all my DDs belongings out asap so ex DP can't 'claim' them and that will save me more expense in the long run. The majority of her stuff were gifts whilst I was pregnant from my family and friends so it's not like I could ask for help for these items in the future. I hate him right now. I hate my self for getting into a situation where I was so reliant on him

No family I can move in with. At a desperate push I could live with a friend but given I have DD as Well I really can't be there for long, I could store DDs stuff in her attic though which could be a help.

I've told family everything has been fine for so long I would feel so ashamed having to ask them for help 😞

Speak to your family. It doesn’t matter what you have told them. I am sure they wouldn’t want you trapped.

If you were my daughter and you and your dd needed a place to stay until you could find your feet again I would have you back in a flash (and I don't care how long you were telling me everything was fine). Your family might already suspect. Did they like your ex?

No I suspect deep down they weren't too keen on him. My parents arnt in a position to help me out financially or by offering a place to stay, I don't have a good relationship with my mum either so I can't even rely on her for emotional support.
I have an older aunt who could possibly help financially but I just feel very uncomfortable asking her..

Desperate times call for desperate measures,OP-ask for help and explain as you've done here. Good luck

I am sorry you are going through this. I think your best bet is to go into a refuge. You can call the national domestic violence helpline and they can help you. My aunt used to work in a women’s refuge and they were sometimes able to bring a van to help you move when your partner was out so you could bring your baby’s things with you.

You have made the brave decision to leave. Even if you need to leave everything behind you could get more things for your baby. There are charities called baby banks that can help. The refuge will be able to help you. I would also read the advice on safety in the survivor’s hand book I have linked to you.

www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/what-is-a-refuge-and-how-can-i-stay-in-one/

www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/what-is-a-refuge-and-how-can-i-stay-in-one/

If you always had a good career than with just a year maternity off can’t you return or find something similar? That way you’ll have many more options.

If the tenancy is in your partners name, and the relationship has broken down, you are effectively made homeless. the Local Authority has a duty to provide accommodation as you have a dependent.

Speak to the housing options team.

Don't let them fob you off. It may mean a stint in a hostel but Housing Benefit will cover the high rent while you are temporarily housed.

I don't really feel I'm in danger so would a refuge really help me ? He's never been physically abusive or so much as raised his voice if I'm honest. Just financially and emotionally. I would feel terrible taking a space some one in real danger could use.

Career wise, I was very good at my job and my cv in that area is fantastic. But jobs where I live are few and far between, it's not very well paid and the hours are usually not very compatable with child care. I keep looking in the hope that maybe some occasional or temp hours come up.
I was hoping to go back into education this year to help improve my career prospects but even that is looking impossible now.

I think so far my best solution is to stay with a friend until I have at least got universal credit sorted and then beg and borrow from family to get a deposit sorted. It's shitty cause ex owes me quite a lot of money, enough that would sort out my predicament but can only afford to pay me back over 6 months