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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends Holiday

22 replies

FriendsHoliday · 13/07/2019 19:35

NC for this as it’s outing

Friend (I say friend we’re not best friends but hang out in the same circle and do similar work) has gone abroad with her DH for a few weeks leaving behind 5 yo twins.

Other friends in our circle are outraged that she’d go on holiday without her children. I don’t have a problem with it.

The holiday is very adult centric and is in a very hot country which isn’t really a fair place to take young children. The twins are being cared for by capable adults – an aunt and youngish grandparents (1 set in their 50s other set early 60s) and are still at school until Tuesday; they are still being taken to school and picked up in correct uniform. The twins had a holiday with their parents at Easter where they went on a long haul flight for 10 days; they also will be going to Butlin’s (or a similar type place) at the end of the school holidays with their mum and aunt so will have had 2 holidays this year. The boys are happy in the care of their aunt and grandparents who regularly look after them after school and during holidays, they’ve not been left with complete strangers.

As a parent myself (now a single parent) I believe time away from the children is important and makes you a better parent for it, my DD goes to her dads for 48 hours at a time during school holidays and I take myself off to a hotel or similar sometimes to give myself a break.

Friend has done 1 holiday a year with just her husband since the DSes were 1.

AIBU to think friend is being sensible and it’s actually ok?

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 13/07/2019 19:39

Uh no you are not being unreasonable. If the children are cared for, are attending school and are happy why would anyone think otherwise?

Expressedways · 13/07/2019 19:41

Of course it’s fine. The ‘friends’ in your circle sound nasty. Even if you wouldn’t do it personally no one should be outraged at 2 school aged children being looked after by family. It sounds like this family have a lot of holidays so my guess is that these so called friends are jealous.

StCharlotte · 13/07/2019 19:43

YANBU. One of my best friends came on holiday with me when her twins were two. Her idea and she felt no guilt judging by her behaviour Grin

lanbro · 13/07/2019 19:45

I've just booked a trip to majorca with my sister, kids will be with their respective dads, cant wait! I would suggest those who are horrified are more likely very envious!

ScrambledToe · 13/07/2019 19:52

None of this is your or your other friend’s business Hmm

FrostyGirl66 · 13/07/2019 20:07

my friend and her husband go on very expensive luxury holidays for a few weeks every year. great to have a child free holiday if you can afford the time and money. however, they have never taken their three children on a family holiday (eldest is 8). money is not tight. now that is bu and totally unfair.

in fact, they never do anything with their children, even an afternoon out on the weekend. they live at their grandparents house more frequently than their own home. even when the parents are available. makes you wonder what was the point in having children.

FriendsHoliday · 13/07/2019 20:26

in fact, they never do anything with their children, even an afternoon out on the weekend. they live at their grandparents house more frequently than their own home. even when the parents are available. makes you wonder what was the point in having children.

I can wholeheartedly say my friend is not like this, the boys are regularly talking about trips to the beach or soft play or bowling or the birthday party they're having with their friends.

OP posts:
Chickychoccyegg · 13/07/2019 20:27

fair enough a week away, or even 2 at a push, but i think i would quietly judge to myself if parents were leaving their dc for "a few weeks" to go on holiday alone (i may feel differently if i had family willing to do this for me though🤷‍♀️ )

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/07/2019 20:30

Anything over a wk I’m judging!

flowery · 13/07/2019 20:31

”I believe time away from the children is important and makes you a better parent for it”

DH and I don’t get time away, but I do see your point. However my eyebrows would be a bit raised at “a few weeks” away from children in circumstances where it isn’t actually a necessity.

AlexaAmbidextra · 13/07/2019 20:43

None of this is your or your other friend’s business

Why is there always one? If we applied this to every thread MN would be a collection of blank pages. Hmm

TitsInAbsentia · 13/07/2019 20:46

Sounds like they have bums filled with jealousy!

blubberyboo · 13/07/2019 20:48

Yanbu .. of course not. I’m very much looking forward to our cruise this autumn without 3DC ... not listening to them complaining and gurning about walking when I want to go and look at historical sites. We always try and take them somewhere decent as a family every year for a week and then another 2 or 3 day city break by ourselves in the autumn. This year we are splashing out a bit more to go away for a week. (Btw I’m still driving a 15 year old car in order to afford it every year )

thebeatofthedrum · 13/07/2019 21:54

I actually think it's very sensible. We left our children overnight pretty much as soon as they were sleeping through the night. Our thinking, other than getting some time to ourselves, was that at some point there may come a time when we had to leave them with someone, for whatever reason, so better they were used to it from an early age.

As long as the children are well cared for I really don't see a problem.

ScrambledToe · 14/07/2019 13:03

@AlexaAmbidextra With this post in particular , I don’t understand why the friends or the op is bothered

JazzyGG · 14/07/2019 15:26

How long is "weeks"??

Pineapplefish · 14/07/2019 15:28

A few weeks? How many? I think a week is okay but would raise my eyebrows at more than that.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 14/07/2019 15:30

I would agree for a week. Anything more I think is too much.

Teddybear45 · 14/07/2019 15:35

If they have never taken their kids on holiday then they are being unreasonable.

hazell42 · 14/07/2019 15:45

I go away for 10 days a year. Ever year. I'm a single parent
My exh, who has never had them overnight once, tried that judgemental shit.
I told him that I am available for my kids 24 hours a day, 355 days a year and that If that want good enough he was more than welcome to take over.
Never complained again

Percypigparade · 14/07/2019 16:09

A few weeks when they were 1, 2, 3, 4 and now 5?
Although part of me is jealous I would not do that myself - I'd be over the moon with a long weekend though.

StripeySocks29 · 14/07/2019 16:24

I believe time away from the children is important and makes you a better parent for it

I don’t agree with this, some people might need time away from their children, but I don’t and that doesn’t make me a worse parent.

I think it’s ok to leave them when they’re school age, but I wouldn’t do it myself because I don’t need to, and I can’t help but think it’s a bit mean to have a holiday experience and not include your children. Others will disagree with me and that’s fine 🤷‍♀️

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