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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask at what point people need to consider others when it comes to having to listen to their screaming baby?

63 replies

NoCauseRebel · 13/07/2019 18:03

I realise that this is an emotive subject because obviously all babies cry at some point and some cry more than others....

However, I have a neighbour who has an eighteen month old and his screaming has got to the point where I’m actually considering saying something.

This baby cried a lot when he was tiny, so far, so normal, babies cry after all. But this baby screams, and I mean screams sometimes for hours at a time both during the day and especially during the night.

His screaming is in fact so loud that it can wake me up and the baby is on the side which is opposite to where I am. But as a rule he wakes up several times a night and screams for about fifteen minutes at which point he then stops. But it is ear-shattering and not the scream of a normal baby.

Last night however. He screamed and screamed and screamed for several hours, and they brought him outside where he screamed so loudly that he will undoubtedly have been able to be heard the length of the street.

These are perfectly nice people. But there is clearly something wrong with the baby as that level of screaming is simply not normal.

It’s very difficult to approach this one,because it’s obviously impossible to know what the issue is. And I’ll be honest, I have wondered between whether he could be being abused and whether he has some kind of serious illness/disability which leads to the screaming. But I’m as sure as I can be that it’s not the former, and going round there to ask if there’s an issue and if they’re coping seems incredibly intrusive.

By the same token however they are bringing this baby outside in the middle of the night where his screaming is impacting not only on them but on the entire neighbourhood. And while if there is a serious problem with this baby it is incredibly hard for them, at what point does one need to consider that your screaming baby is impacting the neighbourhood at 3 AM? WWYD?

OP posts:

TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan · 13/07/2019 18:05

You could just ask them if they/he is ok and if there's anything you can do to help. I'm pretty sure they know he's screening and that others will hear, maybe he's overheating in the weather we've been having and it's a desperate attempt to settle him with some fresh air.

Yellowweatherwarning · 13/07/2019 18:07

Def mention it. They are prob immune to it after 18 months....

TheFairyCaravan · 13/07/2019 18:08

I would be thanking my lucky stars that it's not my baby.

I get that a screaming baby isn't pleasant but they're/he isn't doing it on purpose and I'd imagine they're doing everything they can to calm him down. If I saw a parent outside with an upset baby in the middle of the night I'd presume the poor little mite was poorly and they were trying to cool them down tbh.

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 13/07/2019 18:08

I’m sorry but I think YABU. I understand it must be hard to listen to but I imagine it’s even harder for them. You could of course ask if he’s ok, especially if the screaming last night was worse than normal, but I would also assume perhaps he’s poorly and they wanted to quickly cool him down. In which case my neighbours would’ve the last thing on my mind at that time I’m afraid.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 13/07/2019 18:09

What would you like them to do with their crying baby to appease the neighbourhood, OP? Shut it in a box? Ship it off to the country?

EssentialHummus · 13/07/2019 18:11

At 18 months there’s something wrong imo. I think you can gently speak to them about it (in a kind way) but not mention the 3am thing unless it happens again.

Merename · 13/07/2019 18:11

I suppose I’m wondering what is it you want? Do you want them to try and keep the noise down, is it that kind of chat you want to have, are you just (understandably) curious about what is going on, or do you actually want to do something to help them? What I would do would depend on how I was feeling about the issue and I’m not clear from what you’ve written about what you would like to happen.

CharityConundrum · 13/07/2019 18:11

Def mention it. They are prob immune to it after 18 months....

You never become immune to it! Of course they know- I had one who was similar and it turned out to be coeliac disease and he was in pain! But I never stopped noticing it, worrying about it and getting bad for our lovely neighbours!

UnalliterativeGeorge · 13/07/2019 18:13

I had a child who did this. I was exhausted because if he woke up he'd scream. If we went in he'd scream, if we left him he'd scream, he didn't want milk, cuddling. You name it we tried it. He grew out of it eventually but would still screech when he woke up from a nap. No idea why he did it or what changed to fix it.

It was doubly annoying as as soon as he started settling down and was screeching less next door would bang on the wall and set him off again. Like we hadn't noticed the screaming

transformandriseup · 13/07/2019 18:16

Maybe if you see them today you could ask if he is ok as you could hear him crying for several hours, it won’t be rude as you are asking about the baby rather than complaining about the crying. Maybe he is unwell/banged head if this isn’t usuall, If they took him outside maybe they thought the cold air would calm him down. It sounds like they were doing their best.

magicstar1 · 13/07/2019 18:18

What would you like them to do with their crying baby to appease the neighbourhood, OP? Shut it in a box? Ship it off to the country?
I’d imagine not bringing it outside to wake up the whole street would be a start

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 13/07/2019 18:18

Yes they’ll probably not have noticed the time.... (sarcasm as someone missed this up thread)

Honestly, some babies are hard work and struggle to settle despite a lot of effort. I regularly apologise to my neighbours but realistically I’m already doing everything I can to settle baby and them telling me it’s disturbing them would probably result in a frustrated outburst....

The baby will stop eventually

Aridane · 13/07/2019 18:19

You could just ask them if they/he is ok and if there's anything you can do to help

I see this suggestion posted fairly often . Am never suryhow this would help. Generally I think ask to move the bed (not applicable here) or ask not to take screamer outside in the middle of the night

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 13/07/2019 18:22

Those parents must be beside themselves. They have my utmost sympathy.

My younger brother was like this. My poor mother nearly ended up in the funny farm, and I, who had to share a room with him, was so fed up with it that I asked her to 'send him back'. (Forgive me; I was 3 ...)

The carpet beside my mum's side of the bed was worn down to threadbare by the time the kid was 2. (He's a lovely adult though)!

It's worse for them than it is for you. You can wear noise-cancelling earphones. They just have to suck it up.

ReturnofSaturn · 13/07/2019 18:24

Have you tried earplugs for at night? The silicon ones, they are quite good.

RogueV · 13/07/2019 18:27

YABU

Nofunkingworriesmate · 13/07/2019 18:27

They can’t stop it so complaining about it will make the whole situation worse
Offer to take her out for coffee suggest things like allergies reflux etc to be helpful if you must but I’m sure they are trying everything

PhillipeFellope · 13/07/2019 18:31

The taking him outside was probably to try a change of air temperature to see if it stopped the screaming, it used to work sometimes with my DS when he was tiny.

What would you actually say? "he screams a lot, doesn't he?". It's hard but ultimately, he'll either grow out if it, you'll move, or they will move.

We live in a two up two down terrace, you can hear everything both sides, luckily we all have young kids so all likely so each others heads in equal amounts at different times.

Have you tried white noise? Ear plugs?

MatildaTheCat · 13/07/2019 18:33

I imagine they took him outside because they simply couldn’t stand it for another second. They must be desperate if it’s that bad. Do have a word to ask if the baby and they are ok.

It will pass eventually but in the meantime they need support and you need the best earplugs known to mankind.

Maybe83 · 13/07/2019 18:35

My child screamed morning noon and night and literally cried most of the night until nearly 2.

They had reflux, food allergies, asthma and covered head to toe in eczema.

Taking them out of house while seems mad to you in a night muddle when you are so sleep deprived I can imagine doing the same trying to cool her down.

Had you of called to my house during those 2 years of hell that pretty much destroyed my mental and physical health I would have said sorry cried my eyes out and closed the door and all it would have done is driven my anxiety and panic in the middle of the night through the roof trying to keep her quite.

Unless of course your a baby sleep whisperer that has magical powers that might be able to get the baby to sleep through. If that's the case fire ahead.

DancingintheSpoonlight · 13/07/2019 18:36

Goodness how awful for everyone there. I think YANBU. I don't know what to suggest but it would drive me absolute mad.

I Hope those parents have support available. Ofcourse babies cry and there's little they can do to but taking baby outside to "share"he noise seems bizarre.

Pinktinker · 13/07/2019 18:37

YABU I’m afraid although I sympathise. It’s classed as normal noise, nothing they or you can really do about it by the sounds of it. You should invest in heavy duty earplugs or look into moving somewhere more secluded.

Some babies just do scream and yes, it can be normal even at 18 months. Just thank your lucky stars you aren’t the parents...

DrCoconut · 13/07/2019 18:37

My DS has ASD and shrieks. It's mortifying that the neighbours can hear and if they weren't good humoured about it I'd possibly interpret being approached as a complaint, especially if the nature of the comment wasn't clear. It gets you ground down like that, you're sick of it and know everyone else is too but can't stop it. I'd honestly rather someone say get your kid to shut up than a vague question about if he is OK or suggestions as to what may be causing it. Or better still just let us get on with our life.

Iggly · 13/07/2019 18:39

Express sympathy?

We have neighbours with a screeching child. Awful. I used to judge.

Then I felt shit once I learned that said child has just been diagnosed with a life limiting condition.....

Chovihano · 13/07/2019 18:40

I'm sure they are trying everything they can, it must grate on their nerves too. They will know that it disturbs others too, I'm not sure what you will achieve by saying something, except make them feel like shit.
I do sympathise though nobody would want to listen to this all the time.

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