Brief background, I have a lifelong friend, our parents were friends when we were born and we have maintained this friendship. We are both 40 now. Both married and our husbands are in business together. My husband has other business interests but has invested and silently manages a business with her husband. We see each other every couple of weeks socially. Bridesmaids at each other’s wedding etc.
She has two kids and I have none although my husband has two from a previous marriage. We started ivf treatment earlier this year with the hope that we could at least have one child together. My parents and siblings live abroad so I was very selective about who I told about our treatment. I didn’t tell my folks as I didn’t want them to worry and I’m not one for questions and being interrogated but I chose to tell this lifelong friend and she seemed very supportive and excited for us. We chat about her pregnancy’s and she tells me that a year ago she terminated an early pregnancy as she and her husband felt they weren’t in a position to have 3 children. I never judged or questioned her, I’ve always been pro choice and respect her decision she made for herself. I originally didn’t hold out much hope for an ivf success story as our re was quite negative about our chances and maybe I was a bit blasé about it to her because I didn’t want her (or anybody) to know how much I wanted this to work in case it didn’t. I’m just that kind of person, unemotional to a degree in public and not much of a sharer but I felt like I was letting her into an otherwise very private part of our lives.
Fast forward to 10 weeks ago. We have our egg implant and 2 weeks wait later we get a positive pregnancy test. Again the only person I’m telling is my friend (and her husband obviously). She is super excited and on board with celebrations etc. I still haven’t told anybody else as I wanted to wait for my first scan before I had to phone my folks in another country and give them the good news.
8 week scan comes and she sends a message to let her know how things go and to send a pic if I get one. We go for scan and I get terrible news. No heartbeat and I will miscarry in due course. I’m devastated and knowing she is waiting for news, I just send her a message telling her and that there was no need to call and will chat later. I was in no state to be talking on the phone.
Fast forward to today. I never miscarried naturally, the medication to induce a miscarriage never worked so I eventually 3 weeks after finding out the news had to have a d&c. It’s been torture both physically and emotionally. I’m starting to see the light now but what’s getting me down is that this friend has yet to send me even a message to find out how I’m doing? Aibu to be upset at her?
I’m not one for big girly friendships and I do tend to not share my private stuff with anybody except my husband. She clearly knows all that’s gone on because her husband knows via mine as they work together. Is she feeling guilty because of her termination? Why would she not just send a message to find out how I am or let me know she is thinking of me? We haven’t seen each other because of holidays etc and i haven’t exactly been seeking out any social engagements while I process this whole thing but we are due to see each other on a day out that as planned months ago. Do I just pretend it’s all fine and we carry on our happy way as if nothing is wrong. Do I drop a hint that I’ve been through hell with little support?