To be a bit miffed!

[ChaffyMcChaff]

I might be being unreasonable...and if I am, give me a jolt to get over myself 🤷‍♀️

I've worked at my current place for a year now. On my application, I put 'Miss Chaffy' Because that's what I am 🤷‍♀️. No biggie!

However, despite me constantly correcting people, I'm referred to as 'Mrs Chaffy'. I've even explained my (very personal/triggering reasons!) for NOT wanting to be 'Mrs' anything (and certainly not wanting it implying that I married my dad 😂😂)

I've been polite and simply asked. I've explained why (feel I shouldn't have had to, but my polite requests were ignored!) I've corrected people when they've mis-addressed me often, to no avail (it's becoming embarrassing now 😢).

Why is this proving so difficult? I really don't understand it...another employee recently changed from Mrs XX to Miss YY after she and her husband split. This hasn't caused any issues at all...she's Miss YY to everyone. So why can't they get mine correct? I know that some people have even said I'm making a 'fuss over nothing' and therefore, to my mind, know my name but refuse to use it just to prove a point. (What point, I don't know...but it feels like that).

Am I asking too much?

I don't get it...are you married or not? If so it's either mrs or ms.

I don't get the chaffy reference ...is 'chaffy' slang for father?

Anyway, I think you can ask to be referred to as 'ms' and others should respect that either way. Even without hearing your reasons.

I'd be giving it:
'Excuse me, but please stop refereeing to me as 'mrs' I have asked you and you clearly understood, it isn't rocket science. So in future use the correct pronoun like any decent, respectful human would. Or don't expect a reply from me'.

I don't understand, are you a teacher, why are you not referred to my your first name?

@TeaForTheWin I think regardless of whether the OP is married or not if she wants to be Miss, she can be Miss!! Also Chaffy is her username ^^

Chaffy is the OP's username - she's using that an as example of what she's being called rather that give her real name.

I don't get it...are you married or not? If so it's either mrs or ms.

Err, no it's not. You can call yourself whatever you like. I am not married and a lot of people who don't know me call me "Mrs" because obviously at my age, I should be married and I have yet to be prosecuted for accepting the illegal use of an honorific I am not entitled to.

I'd be tempted to get other people's honorifics deliberately wrong - so calling a Mrs Mr, or a Mr Miss - and see whether they think they're making a fuss over nothing when they correct you...

Why are you not known by your name i.e Flora or whatever?

But 'ms' is there for people who don't want to be referred to as their married or unmarried counterparts (mrs or miss) so asking for it to be taken a step further and be miss (which, would be a lie) is...a bit much I would say.

YANBU, OP. Keep correcting people, however awkward it is, until they get it right!

TeaForTheWin
welcome to the 21st century

many, many women who are married use their name in their professional capacity.
So Miss Smith gets married, but remains Miss Smith at work.
It is so common, I cannot believe that you think it is unreasonable!

Some even have Mrs Jones out of the office and Miss Smith in it.
Not rocket science.

OP, you could simple reverse titles for those who can't remember - Mr and Mrs switched and when they complain say Oh I thought it didn't matter which titles we used.
or just repeat it ad nauseum, so when they say Mrs Chaffy - interupt them with Miss Chaffy, and do that every single time until they give up.
If you are a teacher, get your class on side, get them to correct people too.

People forget, because they honestly don't really care. Just keep reminding them.

Most people pay attention to the name, but the Mrs, Ms, Miss goes straight over the head of some of them I am very guilty of that

"But 'ms' is there for people who don't want to be referred to as their married or unmarried counterparts (mrs or miss) so asking for it to be taken a step further and be miss (which, would be a lie) is...a bit much I would say."

Why would "Miss" be a lie? ChaffyMcChaff hasn't said that she is or ever has been married. Why should she be forced to be called by a title she isn't ... sorry, is there another word for this? ... entitled to?

If Mrs is wrong, it's as bad as if she were to be called The Right Reverend or Professor or Doctor or any other title she's not. And if Miss is right, and also what she introduced herself as, why is calling her something else acceptable/correct/the right thing to do?

They wouldn't be misnaming her if she were trans, would they.

Ahhhh… I see, well if she's never been married then yeah she's a miss then.

...but then why are they referring to her as mrs in the first place?

@TeaForTheWin I'm a Miss...not married! And yes, I'm a teacher...so it's used all the time, by everyone! Funnily enough, the children get it right and they do try, bless them, to correct people (but as they are only 5 it's overlooked by most people!). And why should I be Ms? I don't get that at all when I'm perfectly happy being Miss! Chaffy is my username 👍 This is a perfectly normal thing to do on mumsnet when referring to your own name.

Thanks to everyone else. I'll just 'rinse and repeat' until they get fed up of me...and train the children to shout MISS every time someone gets ur wrong 😂

Ahhhh… I see, well if she's never been married then yeah she's a miss then.

...but then why are they referring to her as mrs in the first place?

no, you really don't see.
married or unmarried, at work her name is Miss Chaffy.

It is NOT up to anyone else to decide her name.
And I assume in this case they are calling her Mrs due to pure laziness. Women of a certain age tend to get called Mrs whetehr they like it or not.

From what I have seen when my own kids went through school they called all female teachers Miss regardless of whether they were Miss Ms or Mrs. I run a brownie unit and often the kids forget to use my brownie name and say Miss. I assume it is the parents that refer to you as Mrs. Tbh I think you may as well get used to it, by the time they remember their child will be in another class and you will have a new lot of parents doing it.

@sweeneytoddsrazor no, it's my colleagues actually! Well, a lot of them...and they DO know that I'm NOT a Mrs...and I've explained why I'd prefer Miss (which is, to be fair, what I am 🤷‍♀️).

Parents usually take their cues from the children...or ask me...or remember after I've told them. Like most polite, respectful people would.

And yes...I am 'of a certain age' 😂 but still! I don't call the male head 'Mrs Headteacher' because I know a) he's a Mr and b) it would be disrespectful of me to do so, when his preference is clearly known.

Definitely going to train my class to be louder in their protests though 😈 They can be very assertive when they feel aggrieved...Little lovelies 💖🥰💖

OP - think you’ve had a name change fail

I guess that other teachers are so used to the kids calling everyone Miss that they don’t realise that they’re actually trying to be helpful in your case!

@TeaForTheWin. What plant are you on, it’s either Mrs or Ms? I think not. Ms is a creation of someone who decided they didn’t want to be known as Mrs or Miss. And your point about her not ever being married so she is a Miss is plain ignorant

Miss is still very much a salutation, for anyone who wants to use it, if they are single having never been married, or single again having been married, or indeed if they are in fact married, I have a number of friends who kept their maiden name after marrying and are still known as Miss xxx even now

The op can be called what she wants, and whilst I get it’s natural to assume someone is a Ames once corrected they should remember

You should be able to use any honoritic you choose, Chaffy, but maybe workplace is being forgetful rather than rude?

Personally I think we missed a trick with the whole "Ms" business.
In hindsight, I wish feminists had simply demanded that we keep the Miss/Mrs options, only instead of the ridiculous assignation by marriage, assignation should be by maturity. Hence (as for boys/men with Master/Mr) as soon as you hit 18 years, you switch from Miss to Mrs.

Much more equal, much simpler, & much more respectful.

@EllenEyewater ha! You're right! Not that it matters...I hadn't changed for a reason! I often flip between phone and laptop and I guess on my phone I had one name on the app and on my laptop my other user name. Non of which identify or 'out' me at all. It's all good...but thank you 🥰

@mussolini9 That would be a good idea.....I wonder if it will ever happen.

OP I feel your frustration. My married name is not common in the UK and is a bit of a tongue twister. Sometimes, for speed and simplicity I will use my maiden name, particularly for occasions that are really not important, or somewhere that I won't ever be going again etc. I therefore find it quite irritating when asked "is that Miss or Mrs?" 😫 I just think "does it really matter?" So in those occasions I generally just say Miss, because, as you say, otherwise it sounds like I'm married to my dad!

So yes, a blanket switch to Mrs at age 18 does appeal to me.