To wish I could just go. ? Trigger

[stayclosetoyourself]

So I've struggled for a while, got better but not that much better.
Just had such a bad day at work everything feels like a struggle. I feel so embarrassed.
I just literally wish I was dead. I feel I have to pretend that I am ok, still here, but actually wish I could go.

It’s late. Get yourself to bed Things feel worst in the middle of the night.

I like listening to meditations on YouTube with my headphones when I can’t sleep at night - there are millions of really relaxing positive ones.

Think about a lovely coffee and a nice breakfast and some peaceful time tomorrow.

Fuck work. Work is work. It doesn’t define you.

Work; fuck work. Honestly, it can, and does get better.

Have you got anyone with you?

Why are you embarrassed? I ve had a shit day at work too and nearly cried coz I lost my phone .
Like a pp said fuck work. Talk to us x

I have days like this but you have to remember you can leave your job, you are in control, and if it makes you that unhappy just look elsewhere.

And you will get better again, just wait it out. Now get some sleep, watch a film, play some music...tomorrow is a new day.

Forget work. Do something you enjoy, bath,read a book, eat choc, put music on to relax to. Tomorrow’s another day and if it’s that bad call in sick and go to gp. Good luck love

Thanks for replies.
I am on automatic pilot today. I can't deal with how I'm feeling on a deeper level so just trying to blank it out until I've done what I need to do today.

That automatic pilot is the self-preserving part of you and I’m glad it’s guidng you through your day today.

Do you have any support in place, such as therapy?

I don't feel as if I am self preserving. its just I have to carry on even though I do wish I was dead or could die.

That sounds so hard. Do you have any support in place - therapy? Have you discussed meds with your GP?

Yes I do have therapy. I am seeing her tomorrow. I tend to have a feeling of crisis or being overwhelmed then by the time the appt comes I feel a bit better. I wish I could go back to being the 'old me' but it's not that simple.