To make my 13yo DD switch off her phone at 10pm every night

[Lindylu74]

I really don’t think I’m being unreasonable but it’s causing such huge arguments in our house and I’m wondering if anyone else is having the same problems. This has always been the rule in our house, and she knows it but fairy often she will have a massive kick off about it and say I’m trying to make her unhappy, she’s got nothing else to do, she’s losing friends etc. I stay strong, repeat the rule and then get subjected to up to an hour of tears, tantrums and insults. I’ve tried ignoring it then I tried punishing her by removing the phone altogether for a period of time. As far as I’m concerned she spends far too much time on it anyway and has pretty much given up on other interests like reading, dance and drama. But is this just normal teenage behaviour these days?!

If she won’t turn it off at bedtime, stop the service!
I’m sure faced with option she will turn it off!

I would switch it off quite a bit earlier, but YANBU for setting the limit.

We have a similar rule. On occasion DD has run outside in protest, hidden in outhouses, climbed a 15m pine tree... We still have the rule.

YANBU. I'd say if she kicks off about it, then it goes away an hour earlier the next night. Or she loses the phone for good, it's not essential is it.

My DD is 15 and on school nights it's away at 9. She needs time to relax without the screen before sleep. If she doesn't like it, tough. She needs a good nights sleep and it's not healthy to be on it all the time.

I make her put it away at weekend and holiday nights too but later. I know her dad lets her keep it overnight and she's always tired and moody when she comes back from lack of sleep.

I think much earlier, ( 7.30 PM ?????), would be mean and isolate her from her friend's but 10.00 pm is about right for a 13 year old and stops her up until 1.00/2.00 am texting friends.

Tell your DD that her over the top reaction at her phone being taken off her at night is a classic sign of addiction, and as her loving mother that leaves you no choice but to make her go cold turkey by taking the phone off her altogether. That should make her think twice about making such a fuss in future, but if not the above is probably true and you should carry out the threat.

climbed a 15m pine tree over phone rules, love it [making] did dd sleep well up tree ?

making

I have this with 11 yo DD - i have family link installed and it shuts off at 9:30. Apparently noone elses mum is as mean as me , it's her phone (that i pay for) and i can't take it away

Meanwhile DH is downstairs huffing over why everything is a battle and is equally addicted to his screen.

Honestly, 10pm is too late.

When she says she has nothing else to do - well she does - sleep! She shouldn't be up beyond 10pm at that age in my opinion.
I've a son the same age. We have the same argument. His phone has timers on and it goes off about 9pm. We hear how unreasonable we are and how 'everyone else' stays on their phone half the night. It's an exaggeration as I've spoken to some of his friends parents and they have the same rules. Unfortunately some parents don't care if their child is up all night but that doesn't make it right. Stick to your guns. Your child, your rules. Do what you think is right.

I have 2 boys aged 13 and 14.

Phones off and on charge downstairs at 8.30.

Bed at 9.15

Ds aged 13 falls asleep straight away

Ds aged 14 reads until about 10

DD is a similar and her phone is put away at 7:30 and asleep by 9.

*similar age

OP, I take my DD's phone at 10PM and it charges in my bedroom (not downstairs, where she could go and get it). She is my youngest (aged 15). She hates me for it, but that's too bad.

Omg, my 12 year old is not even allowed it in his room (and won't be when he's 13 either)..... You've already sent very order limits given that you told her it's normal to be on your phone for hours and hours and hours at a time exclusively beyond contact with other people who you live with. Heaven only knows how you pull this back and starts and limits but since you pay the contract and probably only dancing you might want to start. Have you saw what she's doing for all those hours and hours?

we have dc's gadgets on night time mode - no access to apps and messages

Dd 12 only got a phone last month. She has 2 hours limited screen time and it clicks off at 8pm. Phone can’t be in room overnight. We have downtime also. When she wakes up, she’s had messages from friends all through the night. The mum of the main offender is a teacher

Dd11 doesn’t have a phone yet and will get one when she turns 12. She had ASD so we abide firmly by our rules in the hope that she realises they are non-negotiatable!

I think 9pm is late enough. They need plenty of sleep. Ours turns off at 9pm automatically with parent control app

DD (12) puts hers on charge in my room each night on way to bed. No she doesn't complain. I think she's actually glad of the enforced break.

DD13 gives up all devices at 7.30 on a school night unless she is in the last throes of an assignment. It's later on weekends and holidays but always before 9.

This also goes for any mates on sleepovers.

I think you are more than reasonable. My 13 yo is in bed at 9, and no tech for an hour or so before that.

Yanbu.

But please people, do not leave your phones charging overnight. There is the risk that they go on fire

I have 12 and 15 year DC who give me their phones at bedtime. 12 year old recently kicked off about the unfairness of it and ALL her friends are allowed to keep their phones! But she stopped trying to convince us after a couple of days. You are being perfectly reasonable.

Ours is phones off at 8pm in the week and 9pm at weekends. We were advised by the sleep clinic that everyone should have minimum one hour with no screens before bedtime. The kids are allowed to read after 8 but no tech.