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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to add DP to my mortgage?

26 replies

InTheLostAndFound · 12/07/2019 21:20

That’s it really, DP and I have been together 10yrs, 2dc. I bought the house about a year before we got together, now it’s time to remortgage but to borrow the extra we need for renovations I need to add him on.

He paid all the mortgage whilst I was a sahp and now contributes more as I work part time, we’d be tenants in common with a 75/25 split in my favour due to equity I put in when I bought it.

AIBU to add him on?

OP posts:
ambereeree · 12/07/2019 21:24

Can't you borrow on equity?
But otherwise that sounds like a fair split.

Cheery145 · 12/07/2019 21:26

The question is do you see yourself with him forever? If yes then definitely add him on, he seems to have more than contributed his fair share, and maybe 75/25 isn’t fair to him.

If you don’t want to be with him forever then I wouldn’t put him on the mortgage and would suggest you try to sort out your relationship issues instead first. Otherwise you may resent him more for the situation you’ll be in. My experience is mortgage companies treat you as 50/50 owners, no exemptions, so that may be an issue for you if that’s the case with the lender you use.

What is your hesitation in not adding him on?

SprogletsMum · 12/07/2019 21:29

I wouldn't until you are married.

Myheartbelongsto · 12/07/2019 21:29

I wouldn't!

LolaSmiles · 12/07/2019 21:29

I would.
After all he has been paying into a mortgage for a property he has no claim to for a decade (something many of us advise women on here not to do because in the event of a split the one without the name on the deeds gets shafted).

I'm surprised he wasn't added on sooner given he was paying the mortgage, but each to their own.

BullBullBull · 12/07/2019 21:30

Of course you should and if you were a male poster they’d definitely say you should

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 12/07/2019 21:33

I would- as long as everything is in writing. You’ve been together a decade, he’s supported you!

yayayayaya · 12/07/2019 21:33

Yes definitely. My partner and I have been together for the same amount of time but the house we’ve had for two years is in my name only because of credit issues (stupidly caused by me). I’m definitely adding him on when we remortgage.

Stripyhoglets · 12/07/2019 21:36

It sounds like he was more than willing to pay his way when needed as you were a SAHM so sounds like he's not tryi g to get something for nothing.

Burpsandrustles · 12/07/2019 21:39

He's paid your mortgage..

Why are you asking, is there something your not sure about.

Strange conundrum when happy to share genes and have 2 children together but not share name on deeds.

butterflywings37 · 12/07/2019 21:53

Definitely add him... he's paid it whilst you were a sahp and pays whilst you reduce your hours

yayayayaya · 12/07/2019 21:57

@Burpsandrustles because people on here usually advise against this if the couple in question aren’t married I think

BlueSkiesLies · 12/07/2019 21:58

10 years 2 kids, he’s paid the mortgage, and a legal agreement detailing what happens if you split?

You would be U to not add him on I think.

Original poster
InTheLostAndFound · 12/07/2019 22:03

He’s definitely not trying to get something for nothing and tbh has never mentioned wanting to go on the mortgage, it’s only come up now as we could do the extra to do the renovations.

I guess my reticence has been the tougher relationship days when dcs were younger and my lack of confidence about relationships in general after seeing my own parents messy divorce.

But I want to be fair and thank you for your perspectives and yes if was the other way around I’d be shouting to get on the deeds!

OP posts:
Burpsandrustles · 12/07/2019 22:09

Tougher days.... Was he horrible, cheated, was no good?

Women are at dis advantage... Men can have endless trade in its not so easy for older women to meet someone at older age.
. Its not.
Women are disadvantaged in many respects but you 6 have two dc, together a decade and he's paid into it and not just money directly in but I assume helping with general maintenence and upkeep and bills?

Personally I would be far more caution in second, 3rd marriage with spilt families, dc and hold onto my own assets but at foundations stage... I think if you can't jump in... And give all your not with the one... And shouldn't have had dc.. (in ideal world) I say this as someone not on deeds... Yet

Bearbehind · 12/07/2019 22:17

OMFG - if the roles were reversed here and the female had paid the mortgage on the males house there would be outcries of financial abuse and LTB.

MN is odd at times

fleurchamp · 12/07/2019 22:18

You might have to pay stamp duty land tax...

Original poster
InTheLostAndFound · 13/07/2019 18:18

Bearbehind, I do agree with you. I haven’t deliberately been financially abusive and am not against putting him on.
There hasn’t been a period previously to remortgage as I was tied in and he needed a few years of accounts due to being partly self employed.
The time has come up now but I’m just wanting to cover myself for the £80k of equity I put down in the first place and the fact that many relationships fail no matter how good you think they are and how much trust you put in your partner.

OP posts:
Durgasarrow · 13/07/2019 21:09

No, there's no reason to do it. It was reasonable for him to pay the mortgage while you were a SAHM mortgage as you were working as the person who took care of the family, plus you were providing the home. You are not legally married. This is your nest egg.

blubberyboo · 13/07/2019 21:19

Yes there’s no reason why you shouldn’t.

Given that he’s been there so long contributing if you were to split up he could take you to court and get a settlement anyway...Married or not. The court would decide based on all the circumstances so it could be more than 25% or less.

I suspect given he is the bigger earner you need his income to get the mortgage borrowing anyway. Whilst this would give him an official share of the house at least you each would know where you stand plus he would also be fully and equally liable for the mortgage payments on a joint and several basis.. meaning if you do split up he has to keep paying or it messes up his credit as well as yours.

Original poster
InTheLostAndFound · 13/07/2019 22:18

Whilst I do need him on the mortgage to borrow the extra cash, if we don’t borrow the extra the mortgage can just continue on in my name only, without any additional credit checks.

I do feel that given the amount of time he has been contributing and the fact it is our home he should be on the mortgage, we are a family and it is a partnership.

I think I just need the paper work to be watertight and proper wills to be drawn up to make sure dcs get a fair deal should anything happen to either of us.

OP posts:
PooWillyBumBum · 13/07/2019 22:23

I think it’d be the decent thing to do, given his contributions.

thetimekeeper · 13/07/2019 22:32

if the roles were reversed here and the female had paid the mortgage on the males house there would be outcries of financial abuse and LTB.

What and the male was here saying he planned to add her to the deeds and had he overlooked anything in his plan for proceeding with that?

Nah, nobody sensible would be calling that financial abuse.

Besides which, the reason people will give different answers in different situations is because they are different situations with different context and different details.

Motoko · 13/07/2019 22:41

You can ringfence your £80K.

He does need to go on the mortgage and deeds.

HiJenny35 · 14/07/2019 01:50

Yes he's been paying the mortgage for years it's only right that he should be on the mortgage.

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