What if your face 'dosn't fit' in any workplace?

[malificent7]

To be honest i don't even know what it means to have your face fit? Does it mean you have to look, act or work a certain way or is it if you are popular, conformist and compliant?
Tbh i never feel like i am accepted in any workplace. Just left a student placement and one lady was lovely to the other students but has barely spoken to me the whole time apart from to tut at me if i do stuff wrong.
I work hard, am pleasant and kind but still not good enough. I know im ok at my job due to feedback but some people don't take to me. Others get on with me fine but it's kind of sad when the others are getting hugs and im ignored. Just makes me feel disliked. Perhaps i'm too nice and will be more aloof. Or maybe i literally do have an annoying face!

If this is a genuine problem that's harming your career development, ask for feedback. And closely watch colleagues who see to be good at developing rapport with others and see what they do that you don't do. There are also mountains of self help books on how to succeed at work - maybe skim a few for ideas?

I had feedback review and they said they cannot fault my professional attitude. Not sure what else to think.

It means you're not "clubbable". If you're black or working class and your colleagues and management are all a bit racist or snobby, for example.

Why would being “too nice” stop people from hugging you? Tbh you often have a pretty snippy tone in your posts on here so maybe you don’t come across that friendly or accessible in person. It’s less likely to be your face than your manner. But you don’t need friends at work, just to get along with your colleagues.

They mentioned your professional attitude, can you push for some feedback on your personality?There may be something you’re just not seeing .

I could ask but tbh i am loathe to ask about personality from rude people who tut as a form of teaching!
Yes i am snippy on here...nothing like it at work. Over affable perhaps. The hug was from one individual; tut woman...i dont want to hug her anyway!

I’m the same. People don’t like me unless they really get to know me. I’m very quiet, I don’t go on nights outs and I don’t join in conversations unless I have to. I also don’t share common interests with most women (they talk about love island and I want to talk about the boxing or the UFC), I don’t wear make up, I have no interest in impressing anyone with clothes or style ... so people think I’m just not nice. Now and again I’ll find someone, or a group of people I take to and trust and they see a whole other side to me. Not often that happens though! 😁

Oh and I don’t do hugs. I cringe if someone approaches me with open arms

Having a face that fits tend not to be about physical appearance but rather personality. It's important to remember that no one will fit everywhere so it may well be the company as much as you but you definitely need to get feedback.

It can be quite a balance - engaging but not in your face; self aware but not anxious, confident but not arrogant.

Are you making the mistake of comparing your treatment to the total sum of treatment of others. so if there are three interns and one gets hugs and another gets warm loud greetings and a third gets asked to stay on for an extra month do you leave thinking everyone else gets hugs and extended internships etc, whereas they might each have only had one 'special' thing. You got a good review!

I'm not a naturally likeable person. I recognise that in myself and I am ok with it. I know I am a thoroughly pleasant person and great fun when around friends & family, and I would do anything for anyone (usually). But I have a strong bullshit-radar and a low tolerance for insincerity/filling every moment of silence with inane chat/ being nice to people I don't want to be nice to etc. Therefore, I likely come across as distant and like I say...just a bit unlikeable. Perhaps you are similar?

I do ok in the workplace because I can put a face on it and do my work well, interact with others personably and professionally and participate as a team member. Maybe you just need to work on your "game face" a little more.

Yes i am snippy on here...nothing like it at work. Over affable perhaps.

So which is the real you? Snippy or affable? Are you trying to be someone you're not at work and people sense you're not genuine so keep their distance perhaps?

Is it just personality? You say that you're professional - could that be misconstrued as being so self-contained that you don't need hugs, iyswim? Do others come across as less confident and therefore need the reassurance of a hug?

That sounds utterly daft reading it back, but I think I know where you're coming from - as a fellow 'cool' type who does not require hugs from colleagues. Some workers like to play the mother hen to others and feel put out if you're not that type. You can only do your best.

Would you really want a hug at work?

I am quiet and distant with work colleagues. I'm not at work to be liked. But I can't complain they don't involve me with things when I don't make an effort to talk to them.

Maybe tut woman could sense you want to be liked. That can happen with a matriarch in the office, been there donkeys, knows it all...although I've not seen it in a while. They go out of their way to be nasty if they sense weakness.

Yup...sounds like a matriarch type.

Well you can't win really....be cold and distant...not liked.
Want to be liked therefore pleasant...not liked.
Uggggrrrr!

Im not snippy at work