I really don't know where to begin with this story. It's a long one but bear with me.
I'm sorry to say and I know is hard for him and I can't imagine how he is feeling. But my ex is literally DRAINING me.
To give a back story. My child's dad (ex) has had immigration difficulties since I've been pregnant with DS. This wasn't his fault and I can't state the reasons why it's not us fault as it's identifying. However, throughout my pregnancy (this was 10 years ago), it was spent literally; attending meetings with him to immigration, giving him money (he couldn't get no funds), putting the blame all on me, making me feel guilty and the thanks I got was a beating.
His "changed" now and hasn't been physically abusive for the past 5 years and seems to have matured a lot since then. But ex is one of those people, I can't explain, the type of person that if anything goes unexpected that is unfortunate, lost a job, doesn't have enough money, not happy with life etc. He doesn't do anything about it, he expects other people to help him out as in he needs someone to physically hold his hand to get him back on his feet.
Luckily, ex got residence and it was fine for a few years. Now, his visa has expired and he has no access to public funds, cannot work and is at risk of losing his house. Really unfortunate. I have given ex some money to help him out in the meantime. But now, he calls me everyday, texts and says "I'm hungry", "I hate this world, I want to die", "your lucky you have family, I have no one (he has broken all ties with all his family members), "it's your fault I'm in this situation, if you didn't call child maintenance I would have had enough to oh immigration".
This list goes on. I will then call him and comfort him... but I told him and I don't know if this is right but I asked him " What are you doing ?, Are you calling immigration everyday to ask what's happening with your application". He replied that he doesn't have "any credit and why would I call these people, they had me locked up". I told him that it doesn't matter and if it was me, I would be going to citizen advice daily, going to the council. I've just googled that some local councils provide some support for people who are waiting to hear back from immigration but don't have access to public funds".
As soon as he hears any sort of advice, he will say "urgh, I don't want to talk about this right now, I didn't call you for that". I said "yes, but when you text me that your hungry what do you want me to say ? Just keep giving you money ? You can't live like this, you need to seek support".
I told him that " I'm sorry to say but I want to hear, what you have done or what your going to plan to do, not "my life is unfair and I can't deal with this anymore". I then added, because he gets like this every time something goes wrong' that "you have to feel upset regarding the situation and have a moan but you need to realise that life is not always smooth, there's going to be some down points and instead of putting blame on everyone else and the constant messaging, you need to think "what should I do next ?".
I don't know Mums netters, I don't know what to do. I don't know whether I'm being harsh and it's easy for me to say as I'm not in his predicament. But I'm worried that I'm enabling him and it will be like how it was all those years ago.
What should I do ?