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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how you know you are a good person? Are you?

27 replies

goodorbadorneutral · 11/07/2019 21:31

I think for a lot of people, they know they are because of the quality of their relationships. They have parents, siblings, friends, people who want to spend time with them. I grew up with my Nan who was the absolute best and her death when I was a young adult was very tough.

I have difficult relationships in the rest of my family, I just don't know if various people like me much at all, beyond the way they maybe can love me out of a sense of family loyalty, without liking my company. Or if they just honestly feel they are putting up with talking to me every once in a while because of duty.

It's not just immediate members either. A cousin who for a long time seemed to like me a lot stopped speaking to me completely when I got a girlfriend and came out as bisexual.

I have a wonderful partner who I love very much and am very lucky in life in lots of ways, but sometimes I feel a bit low and unsure and think I must really be rather unpleasant as my family are so indifferent to me really.

It's hurtful because for so long I just really wanted to be loved and included by them...now, I've accepted I'm not that important, that they do of course love me in their own way they just don't want to spend that much time with me. It's ok, but at times, still feels a bit raw. I think mostly because of what it could mean. Not as dramatic as thinking I'm outright a BAD person lol but just not nice or fun or good enough.

I'm also disabled and require support from my partner, and sometimes wonder if I am deserving enough. There are so many sick and disabled people who are very loved by their families, who can't pay for medicines or equipment.

But how do you know that you are a good person? Especially if you are not close to your parents or siblings?

OP posts:
Lllot5 · 12/07/2019 12:29

Maybe when you didn’t invite any one to your wedding they thought you didn’t like them. We’re all a mixture of good and bad but seems like your self esteem is a bit low, maybe try and work on that and stop worrying what others think about you. Because truth is they’re not thinking about at all.

goodorbadorneutral · 12/07/2019 22:05

Thank you all for your thoughts. It's good to have some outside perspectives.

Our wedding was small but really good despite having none of my family there, so that was great. I had a lovely day and being honest I think it was the right thing to do to not invite them because I'd have been upset to be snubbed or made to feel ridiculous for expecting them to come.

Hopefully they don't think I don't like them but yes, part of it was protecting myself from rejection.

OP posts:
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