To be really offended by colleague

[Superfoodie123]

I'm not sure if I'm being really sensitive so please put me in my place if I am. My colleague (who does tend to say tactless things) asked me if I find it weird that my manager is younger than me.

I was taken aback by the comment and answered it but now wish I hadn't.

I got back from mat leave a few months ago and feel like I've achieved so much just getting through that first year but now think maybe I am being looked at as a failure in the workplace for not being further up the 'hierarchy

Er, yes. Really not a big deal. Taken aback? Overreaction, totally.

I think you might be being a little sensitive, it was tactless but I don’t imagine it was meant to offend. Having said that when I came back from maternity leave it was hard to see that the people who had been at the same level as me had moved up and I hadn’t so I’d have found that question upsetting. I do think that’s part of having a baby though and i wouldn’t change that.

Really offended? Didn’t you just laugh?

I don't think hunk your colleague should have said that, it was tactless and a bit odd. But you are over reacting by taking it as a criticism of your own career progression. Not everyone can be the boss and most people will sooner or later be managed by someone younger.

Eh? I manage people older than myself, it’s never crossed my mind that it could be an issue.....

Ignore the hunk!

Maybe she was talking about herself? Or was trying to find a way to talk about herself. Most people like to do that.

Not that weird a question and nothing to be sensitive about. Just say, 'No, it never crossed my mind.'

I think you’re being oversensitive tbh. It’s a weird question to even think of never mind actually ask but clearly it’s touched a nerve with you so maybe consider why and what is in your control to rectify that.

Going back to work following a long time off is unnerving at the best of times, try not to delve to deeply looking hidden/double meanings for a few months till your a bit more grounded and settled.

It wouldn't bother me, but I am not very career driven. I just go in do my job well and get paid. No interest in climbing any ladders!

Thanks for your comments. Some good points there, I wish I had laughed actually. I feel a lot better, I am very sensitive post baby and don't know why I pressure myself!

You’re overreacting, you know your colleague is tactless so there’s no need to overthink it.

This is really common

It is not a stealth brag but I don’t really look and sound my age, but I have older teenage DC and I myself have struggled with this situation from the perspective of being the manager that is younger (or mistaken as) than my colleagues and a lot of hostility, resentment etc. I think it can be a ‘thing’ that really bothers and upsets some people and it is equally very annoying that other people make a deal of this to other colleagues when it probably hadn’t even been on your radar. This is very unnecessary and is quite toxic for a work environment.

I wouldn’t be offended I would think my colleague was a twat

It is quite normal for women to take maternity leave I just happened to take mine when I was 22/24 and have now had the chance to move up because my DC are more independent. Everyone will have their time and opportunities at the right time (if they want to take them) and absolutely nothing wrong with not being ‘higher up’ at any particular age if your job role suits you at your stage of life with responsibilities

Heck no - loads of people are managed by and manage colleagues older and younger. It's not a big deal.

Massive over reaction. Who cares if your boss is younger?

My last line manager was young enough to be my daughter. She was incredibly professional and good at her job, as well as being a lovely person.
lt's seven years since l left my job, and we're still in touch.

Offended? Why?

Honestly, you're over-thinking this. Unless your colleague actually said "Honestly, you are SUCH a failure because your boss is younger than you - I mean, how can you actually get up in the morning knowing that?! I wouldn't bother living if I was you". It was a throw-away comment and almost certainly not intended to show you up or make you feel inadequate.

If it helps, not everyone - parent or otherwise - wants to climb the greasy pole. I'm fairly sure my line manager is a bit younger than me, one person in our team who is senior to me is 15 years younger than me, and our team manager is around my age. Does it bother me? Occasionally, mildly. Does it bother me enough to chase promotion? Nope. Because I prefer my work/life balance as it is.

The last person who said that to me, was saying it in the context of not liking my manager, who she disliked and thought was being promoted too quickly. SHE was the one who resented her, not me.

I did have to re read your post to try to find the potentially offensive part.

I can kind of see why you might have been sensitive about that once I found it, but I don't think you need to.

Who cares what other people are doing or how old they are - if you must compete, compete against yourself not others.

Your colleague confuses age with experience, not everyone has a linear career in one profession. I can't think of a good reason to make the comment it sounds goady. Its their problem though, not yours.

I've managed quite a few people older than me and never thought they were in any way lesser.

A bit tactless maybe, but I wouldnt take it to heart- it sounds more like genuine curiosity than a put down.

Definitely, I agree. Really helpful thank you. I'm happy with my work life balance, and my manager is really good at her job, and I try to be the best at mine. I don't really get hierarchy anyway to be honest. I think I just got offended because I started to wonder what other people think of me, but on a good day that really doesn't bother me.

Have you tried pulling your self together?

It was just a flippant thought.

I don't think your necessarily being unreasonable to feel off about it. I would take it that colleague was trying to get in my head. No problem with manager being older/younger but I would think your colleague was being an arse.