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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not report more sexual harassment

20 replies

Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain · 11/07/2019 21:17

I’ve worked in my current place for 3 years. In my previous much smaller company, I wore whatever I liked, and felt that the lorry drivers I worked with treated me mostly with the respect I deserved. When I moved to what I felt was a far more progressive company, I got a shock, and men would openly stare, or talk to my boobs/legs as I talked. I started to modify what I wore, and although I still take pride in dressing well, gone are the above knee skirts and shirts are carefully pinned to avoid any cleavage etc.
At a company bbq, a much older very senior male employee was putting his arm around me, stroked my arm, his face close to mine as he talked to me and as I tried to move away, he moved closer. A male colleague saw, and said to a more senior manager - ‘is that ok, what’s going on there?’. More senior manager seemed uninterested, I was later told. Male colleague walked over and made an excuse for me to get away, and told me to report it.
The trouble is, I did, and my HR department were derisive, insinuating I was making a mountain out of a molehill. The male colleague went to add his account, and suddenly HR were very interested. Inappropriate sexual behaviour was added to our ‘diversity’ training.
I felt that things had improved, until this week. I’m not sure why today, but I had three separate occurrences of men making actual comments. My reaction was to pretend I hadn’t heard. And honestly, I am completely sick of it, but I don’t want to have to report it again. It’s embarrassing. They’re all much older, they’re all senior. They’ll probably know it was me who reported them, and it might affect the work they do with me.

The ‘diversity’ training said to report it.
I’ve done it before, so it’s not like I don’t have the balls.
But I’m tired of it!!
Do I really have to report it?

OP posts:
Cocobean30 · 11/07/2019 21:31

Yes, you know you do..

Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain · 11/07/2019 23:42

😩 thank you @Cocobean30 x

OP posts:
TheDarkPassenger · 11/07/2019 23:46

Yes report but I know exactly what you mean about it being hard!! I was going to report someone at my last place because the way he was talking about the young girls was fucking rank, then I ran into a HR lady and she asked me why I was wearing a boys uniform (shirt and waistcoat with trousers) and not a girl’ uniform (short dress) and I just thought what’s the fucking point and left instead

TheDarkPassenger · 11/07/2019 23:47

That was the HEAD of HR!

merlotqueen · 11/07/2019 23:48

Yes, condoning it never got us anywhere.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 12/07/2019 00:10

You know its the right thing to do because youve done it before, but I do get the futility of reporting it, them knowing etc... I suppose you have to consider the flip side of the coin.

If you dont say anything and it escalates to a point where you cant work there anymore, youd have a hard time claiming constructive dismissal as thered be no complaint regarding this time, and youve previously demonstrated you know to make a complaint.

Sadly, if this is their work culture, then I wouldnt think that it will improve. Id look for another job, but make the complaint in the meantime- no one deserves to be sexually harassed.

Flowers
Jog22 · 12/07/2019 01:22

This reply has been deleted

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Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain · 12/07/2019 07:20

What don’t you believe, that sexual harassment goes on? Or that it’s happened to me?

OP posts:
DailyMailcanfuckthefuckoff · 12/07/2019 07:31

I'm sorry, I completely understand how you're feeling. It's so frustrating and feels pointless!!! However, at least if it's reported it goes on record, OP. What you report could help other people who work there in the future - you've already made a difference with the diversity training. Keep it up!

ShagMeRiggins · 12/07/2019 12:29

I'm not buying this.

So report it, Jog, then live up to your username, away from this thread.

nobreakfastforme · 12/07/2019 12:38

jog are you a man? A lot of men don't believe that sexual harassment goes on.

Op you need to report it. I understand how hard it is, but you know you need to.

TheTrollFairy · 12/07/2019 12:45

Gawd, I’m bloody sick of people who think shit like this is ok.
I received an email at work from a male colleague and although it wasn’t directed at me really (as in inappropriate comments) it was definitely a reportable email.
We also have a top which we need to wear at work which has writing across the chest and customers point out that it’s across my boobs ALL THE TIME.
The thing is, it’s always turned back to the woman as if it’s something we have done - staring at your boob = you need to cover up.

I had some boy push his hand up my skirt at school (15yrs ago) and I reported it to the female teacher who disregarded it.
When we are fighting for even a female to believe you, it makes you wonder what’s the point of reporting. Experience has taught me that it’s not worth it which is so bloody stupid. Now I just put up with it whilst feeling yuck about it

Sorry for my rant, it just pisses me off that people are put in this position in the first place

bloodywhitecat · 12/07/2019 12:46

You shouldn't have to report it because it shouldn't be happening but it is so you do. It sucks. I hope things improve for you but suspect they won't.

TheTrollFairy · 12/07/2019 12:46

Going against my rant though, you should report it. Report, report, report

UpOnTheShelf · 12/07/2019 12:58

Always report.
Each and every time I've been verbally sexually harassed at work I've usually responded with ' who the Hell do you think you're talking to?' With a glare, then reported it.
When you report it, if you have no positive feedback, go back again and keep demanding the appropriate action is taken or you will be seeking union advice.
Always report.

Brefugee · 12/07/2019 13:00

You know you have to report it. Think how far we've come - your HR added sexual harassment to diversity training. When I first started working I'd have been told I'd been lucky to get male attention and what would I expect anyway (being in posession of boobs and all). Years and years of women reporting this stuff have got us to the point that you have at least one male colleague who gets it and an HR who take it seriously.

I'm actually wondering why you think it's not worth reporting, is it because you don't have a man to back you up this time?

Take a few deep breaths, and put it in writing to HR.
Good luck Flowers

WomanLikeMeLM · 12/07/2019 13:03

Start standing up for yourself and give them a mouthful, failing that a swift kick in the nads should work!

Tara336 · 12/07/2019 13:11

I was sexually harassed while heavily pregnant at a previous job. My biggest regret is that I did nothing and he got away with it, in fact I think looking at it now it could be classed as assault (hand up skirt touching me). I couldn’t face what I saw as repercussions at time of reporting him, fear of no one believing me etc. On Sunday I was harassed while walking my dog, had to ask a passing couple for help, the harasser then said 3 times he was going to come back and shoot me in the head. This time I have not let it go and police are involved. If they find him I will go to court. Men have been getting away with this shit fr too long, please do something about it as women’s silence is allowing this to carry on

Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain · 12/07/2019 13:21

I have reported it. Again. And the HR Manager this time seemed to deal with it in a very different way to last time, which was encouraging. But like others have said, I can’t help but feel that I shouldn’t have to report inappropriate crap at work, because I shouldn’t have to experience it in the first place. But it does keep in happening, so there we are. Frustrating.

OP posts:
NCforpoo · 12/07/2019 14:26

YANBU but well done for reporting it. Its shit it happens. I hope it makes a difference

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