To not want to feel trapped all summer

[reytmardy]

I have a 13 year old with SEN. No friends live close by and the parents of his friends will be working, so we will only be able to meet up a couple of times. I'm not looking forward to the summer because I feel stifled in the house. I can persuade Ds to do a few things but he often doesn't want to go out. From 7am to bedtime, for 6 weeks is not enjoyable. I am in perimenopause and often feel really tired (full spectrum blood tests have found no issues).
AIBU to feel like this?

How severe are his needs OP? Can you not leave him alone for a while? Are there any groups locally for youth with SN?

He doesn't fit in SN groups . He is sort of inbetween not getting along with other children with SEN and being rejected by NT peers. Being around other children with ADHD makes his behaviour a lot worse. Now he is 13, the hyperactivity has really decreased but he is chronically irritable. He often displays difficult behaviour when we are out and about.

Of course YANBU that sounds really hard.

Can you split the day up (sort of have a timetable) so that there is a structure and do a bit of forward planning for each week. Ask him for ideas or present a list to him and ask him to choose things from it.

Maybe do something in the morning when you might have more energy and he might be less irritable(even just a walk to the local shops or a short trip out somewhere nice like a local wood?) and then chill after lunch. Is there a TV box set he might like (star trek type series?) or get together a list of films that you could watch together to give you a rest in the afternoon.

I'd order in some books or manga (preferably a long series) he might like or a new game or two so that you have something in reserve for when you need some peace. Perhaps he could become more involved in the house , cook lunch, bake, help with cleaning Does he like craft, perhaps he could learn a new skill, use a kit to build something complex?

I have a DD with SEN and having a plan for each day (sorted in advance) really helped even if it later went astray.

As if the teenage years weren't tricky enough! What are his interests?

Of course you're not being unreasonable. I've no advice, just lots of sympathy.

How able is he? Could you put a movie on for him and duck up to the shops to buy groceries? Do you have a garden.
If not, try to put a positive spin on the time. Any home improvements you have wanted to do or a spring clean. Plant flowers in the garden. Cook up a storm in preparation for school (batch cook to freeze). Get stuck into a new book series

To be fair I’m a bit of a home body so this wouldn’t phase me. My husband loves socializing so would go stir crazy

Feel for you, OP.
Why does the other parents working mean that he he can't see his friends? Could they come over or could you pick them up and take them back to yours or take them somewhere?

I understand. I also have a 13 year old with sen. He can't be left alone and can't cope with other children. We do get out of the house in the village but only for short bursts and I can't take him in the car or to anywhere there will be other people due to severe behavioural difficulties. No respite/ short break type group will take him due to his needs. We go into hibernation in school holidays.

Would it be worth getting in touch with social services to see if you could be eligible for some respite care?

Would your dc be more willing to go out if he chose the destination?

Could you both travel to spend a few nights with family?

Would days out be better if he had a friend join him?

I’m sorry if none of my suggestions are practical at all, it’s really difficult not knowing how special your child’s needs are, but I can understand your frustration at the thought of 6 weeks stuck indoors.

I hope you at least have access to a garden and that we have a decent summer.

Would he go to coding classes op?