Buying children extra gifts to make up for a lack of party.

[Shootingstar1115]

Hi all, DC don’t have big birthday parties. Eldest had asd and youngest is suspected asd. They would love the idea of a party but wouldn’t actually manage it. We have cake and maybe party food at home or tea out, visit family, sometimes a day out depending on the day of the week and how busy it is. All of this doesn’t cost half as much as a party I don’t think??

I always spend quite a bit on them on presents. Say around £250-£300. I understand not everyone can afford on birthdays,this but because we save on the party cost, I fee like we can spend a bit more on presents. But Oh doesn’t agree. He is saying I need to cut down on the presents.

Would you spend extra to make up for the lack of party??

Also, we don’t have many days out, haven’t been on holiday in 6 years, so I feel like I should spoil them on their birthdays.

It’s not all on toys Btw. It’s my daughters birthday soon. She has quite a few presents. But a lot are educational books, socks, slippers, pyjamas bags (she loves bags), things she needs, soft toys etc. Very few presents are actually large toys this year. I make the most of sales, offers etc.

Neither of them have much bought for them during the year so I do like to spoil them on birthdays and Christmas.

Am I doing the right thing?? Is it too much?

I think it's OK if you can afford it. I like to spoil my dd on her birthday.

Would you spend extra to make up for the lack of party??

no, but I would have a lot more of days out - possibly holidays if you can afford it.

I am sure you can find great advice from similar parents about days out that would be suitable for your kids.

They are all different, but you could also compromise and take a couple of friends to a soft play, or to McDonalds, a park with hot dogs - whatever suits your kids best.

I honestly don't really have a budget for my kids presents (trying to keep it fair between them obviously) but I buy more what they need and want than sticking to a random amount and buying as much as possible.

I think it depends on your circumstances if you can afford it then I don't really see a problem.

Sounds OK we do the same as you.

I think that’s fine once you can afford it. I like to spoil my ds on his birthday and at Christmas. Dh makes noise about it being too much at times but I ignore that

It depends if you can afford it! If you struggle by from week to week, but then spend ££££ on a birthday, then YABU. But if you have the spare cash and your DC benefit from the extra gifts … well I don't see the problem. I guess it also depends on whether the stuff you're buying is worth it: my DM has a habit of spending a lot of money on a load of crap, simply because she wants it to look like 'a lot'. Most never gets used and goes to the charity shop. I'd much rather she spent, say, £20 on one thing that was useful, rather than £20 on the useful toy and then a further £30 on utter rubbish, simply because she wants to spend £50 on them. One of my DC has ASD and as he doesn't have parties, or ask for stuff - toys, clothes, etc - I don't mind spending a bit more on him if I see something I think will benefit him. My other DS didn't have a party last year as he was desperate for a particular console: I worked it out that the amount I spent the year previously on his party and gift was much more than the console! He agreed to forgo the party in order to get the console.

Thanks all. We can afford it so that’s not an issue. Myself and Oh have different opinions on how much to buy. As a child he’d have a few presents (which is absolutely fine ofc) whereas I would have several. I don’t think it’s affected me in the long run. I’m the least self centered person with money you could think of. I just want the same for my kids and I absolutely love buying gifts for other people and see the joy on my kids face when they are opening. 🎁

Absolutely fine as long as you can afford it. We don't tend to buy toys for our two out with their birthdays or religious festivals so I really don't mind spending the extra on presents especially if the kids are not having a party. Both kids had a big first birthday party and will be having smaller parties at our house till they get older.

I’ve never had a birthday party for my DC. Not because of finances, I just don’t see the need. We take them out for a special (usually expensive) day out instead and they’re always happy with that.

It’s fine to spend whatever you can afford really.