To think ‘Really?’ when a work colleague takes time off with her sick DDs.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

To be clear - I have no intention of mentioning/doing anything about this IRL, and I am very willing to accept I’m BU. I mainly just want to gauge if my scepticism is justified in any way.

A work colleague has two DDs, 15 and 17 - no special needs, no long-term health conditions, both in mainstream schooling, older one learning to drive. Whenever either of them is off school with a minor illness - heavy cold, stomach bug - she calls in to claim emergency carer’s leave and takes the day off with them, sometimes two days. This happens once every two or three months, with either girl, not just one in particular, so we have to pick up her work.

Now my DCs are only 7 and almost 5, but I was very much hoping that by the time they’re in high school, I’ll be able to confirm they can access the loo, food and fluids, then leave them at home by themselves and not pass my workload to my colleagues and make it into work. My mum did this with me from the age of 12 possibly even younger

AIBU to think 15 and 17 year olds are old enough to look after themselves when they’re a bit unwell, or is this one of those parental care things that has changed since I was a teenager? Or is it a ‘depends on the child’ thing?

[serenadoundy]

Age is massively relevant.

I don't think it is. If people want to make judgements about when a sick person needs an adult around they should do it based on the facts, like what's wrong and if there are any underlying problems, not age. Age alone isn't a deciding factor.

[MrsMiggins37]

I bet if the leave wasn’t paid she’d not be such a “caring mother”.

How do you know that?

Oh wait, you don't.

Oh, I don’t know. The same kind of people who take the piss with their own sickness absence and are then as miraculously as fit as a fiddle when their sick pay runs out? Met plenty of these too. Public sector are rife with piss takers.

[summerofladybird]

You can't tell, it may be that they have a condition like asthma or diabetes which means they can't be on their own when they are ill.

[QueenBeee]

Does the company have an end age for DC care- or no doubt she will be off to take DD to uni etc
Surely you inform boss if you are struggling to take up slack.

[MonkeyToesOfDoom]

If one person goes off and it makes other colleagues work loads unmanageable, that's an issue for the management of your company, not the person taking time off.
Managers and companies should have in built contingencies for unexpected sickness.

[MrsMiggins37]

The age is relevant because if there are no other issues a 17/27/37/47 year old doesn’t need someone at home looking after them if they’ve got a cold fgs

[Bibijayne]

I was going to say YABU, until you said they were 15 and 17....

[anothernotherone]

serenadoundy wtf? How can she be U to think anything? Are you the thought police?

The other employee's habit impacts on the OP. The OP is also a parent first, an employee second, and is having to do her colleague's work on top of her own.

Nobody acts in a vacuum. When my colleague sticks by the letter rather than spurt of a 12 year old agreement that she needn't work weekends because she's a single parent (agreement made when her child was 4 - now nearly 16) the 4 other members of our small team who are also parents first, employees second, nevertheless have to give up extra weekend days with our own children so she can be with hers.

This is the case in most workplaces where work needs covering, the only exceptions being the far rarer workplaces where individuals work exclusively on ring fenced, isolated solo projects - then and only then is it nobody else's business.

It doesn't mean anyone else except HR and that employee's manager have a right to information or explanation, but of course everyone impacted with extra work and a longer work day with associated knock on effects has a right to think and care about something that negatively effects them, and if the knock on effect is significant to raise the fact that carrying someone else's workload a couple of days per month in addition to covering annual leave and sick leave is becoming problematic with HR or line management.

[serenadoundy]

wtf? How can she be U to think anything? Are you the thought police?

No, not the thought police

I am however a mum with a DC who would have needed me. A mum who doesn't disclose every detail to my work colleagues about my DC's health. A mum who gets a wee bit irked to see so many vultures joining in and slating a woman they know absolutely nothing about.

It could be me. It could be my DC.

[serenadoundy]

The age is relevant because if there are no other issues a 17/27/37/47 year old doesn’t need someone at home looking after them if they’ve got a cold fgs

My point was they might though. Being 17 doesn't mean you can just be left alone if you are unwell. There are some conditions that would require another adult to be around. Just as there are older people who also need medical assistance. Dismissing possible need based on age doesn't really work. My DC is early 20's but would still need me around if they were unwell.

[GymKitJen]

When my child was 5 or 6 I thought the same as the majority of you on the thread (that she's taking the piss). However my child is now 14 and at this time of their life they almost need you there more (or at least in a different way) as they can get into so much more trouble 😂 .


I've taken a few days this year (in line with the workplace policy) as leave for sickness/ various appointments. I could take other forms of paid leave if I didn't have any annual leave left - such is the policy that allows flexible working 🤷‍♀️ just because they're older doesn't mean they don't need cared for. If dad has been working at home He would keep an eye and I would go to work. I would expect my other half to take the day off if I wasn't well enough to look after myself - same for older kids.

I don't know how I'd feel about leaving her when she gets to 15/17. Depends how well she's been behaving/how sick she is...

If the policy allows her to then what's the problem. Also, unless you're her manager you have no idea why she might be off with her kids

[formerbabe]

My DC is early 20's but would still need me around if they were unwell

If they had a cold?

[DarlingNikita]

She's having a laugh. Hopefully it'll come back and bite her on the bum at some point. Surely there's a limit to paid carers' leave, or at least some kind of monitoring of how much people are taking?

[serenadoundy]

If they had a cold?

Well that's part of the point. None of us know what's wrong with the colleagues DC do they?

I wouldn't have given work colleagues any details of my DC's health.

So while an ordinarily well 17 year old would be fine at home alone with a cold, we don't know that's what is happening. It's out of order for everyone to jump on and slate someone for something they know nothing about.

[formerbabe]

Very confused as to why an adult would need a parent around if they had a cold.

If the adult child had additional needs that means they need their parent there, then surely they need them there anyway? How would a cold make any difference?

[Yokohamajojo]

Wow I would leave my 13 yo at home unless he was incapable of going to the loo or whatever. That is a massive pisstake

[bananasandwicheseveryday]

Unless there are special circumstances, it does sound as though she's cheeky, especially as you and her colleagues have to pick up the slack. I ha e a colleague who does this when her child is unwell. Her child is 27 and married!

[serenadoundy]

former

You are focusing on the cold. So let's go with that...some medical conditions dictate that a cold can be a bigger risk to health than it would be in an ordinarily fit and well person.

Take the cold out of the equation, because as I have tried to explain, the DC may not simply have a cold. The colleague may just say 'cold' because it's easier than going through her DC medical history to someone who is unimportant.

And yes, the colleague may well be 'at it' but it's not up to the OP to make that call; or even to try and get most or Mumsnet to jump in the bandwagon and agree.

Honestly, the short sightedness astounds me, all because people are so desperate to agree with OP and slag off a stranger they know nothing about.

[Embracethechaos]

I remember my mum leaving me on the sofa and was quite anxious,came back stressed as I hadn't awnsered the phone...I was asleep. I think she would have taken time off if she could.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

My dd has a medical condition and it can be triggered by certain ailments / other things and it would be really scary not to mention potentially very dangerous for her if she falls. She cannot be left alone regardless of age with a diarrhoea / vomiting bug. Most 14 yos plus are fine. Sounds like she’s taking the piss.

[formerbabe]

Well I dread to think about what will become of all these snowflake adult children who can't cope without their parents when their parents eventually die?

[notatwork]

Carers leave is unpaid so I think YABU.
My 15YO is NT and normally independent. I had to work from home for a week recently because she was ill. I could have left her to it; she wasn't dying, but she was really poorly, floppy, not eating, etc and I was worried that if she got worse I'd be too far away. My (younger) colleagues probably think I was overreacting too. I would have thought the same when mine were little.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

My DC is early 20’s but would still need me around if they were unwell
Need - really?? I was living in a different country at 20.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

notatwork
That’s a one off though.