To think ‘Really?’ when a work colleague takes time off with her sick DDs.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

To be clear - I have no intention of mentioning/doing anything about this IRL, and I am very willing to accept I’m BU. I mainly just want to gauge if my scepticism is justified in any way.

A work colleague has two DDs, 15 and 17 - no special needs, no long-term health conditions, both in mainstream schooling, older one learning to drive. Whenever either of them is off school with a minor illness - heavy cold, stomach bug - she calls in to claim emergency carer’s leave and takes the day off with them, sometimes two days. This happens once every two or three months, with either girl, not just one in particular, so we have to pick up her work.

Now my DCs are only 7 and almost 5, but I was very much hoping that by the time they’re in high school, I’ll be able to confirm they can access the loo, food and fluids, then leave them at home by themselves and not pass my workload to my colleagues and make it into work. My mum did this with me from the age of 12 possibly even younger

AIBU to think 15 and 17 year olds are old enough to look after themselves when they’re a bit unwell, or is this one of those parental care things that has changed since I was a teenager? Or is it a ‘depends on the child’ thing?

[CoraPirbright]

Completely taking the piss. Plus she is also lying I reckon - 15 and 17 year olds are not ill that often ime.

[Flippedouthere]

Now my DCs are only 7 and almost 5, but I was very much hoping that by the time they’re in high school, I’ll be able to confirm they can access the loo, food and fluids, then leave them at home by themselves and not pass my workload to my colleagues and make it into work. My mum did this with me from the age of 12 possibly even younger

Mine are both in high school and this is exactly what I do. Thankfully mine are rarely ill and have never had anything serious (touch wood!). I also work very locally so can pop home if necessary. At 15 & 17 she's taking the piss!

[GrabbyGertie]

MrsGrammaticus
Hope you daughter improves soon, That must be so difficult for you all.

This is exactly the type of situation that I was thinking of where the age of the ‘child’ is irrelevant. You just can’t know from office chit chat what’s going on.

[TanMateix]

It is incredibly common, I have had similar in any place I have worked. My previous boss restricted annual leave during school holidays for everyone as she would be at home taking care of her 18 year old. In my current job there are two woman who were taking leave to care for sick kids until they went to university, and if it were not the kids, were the dogs. Not that they were ill and needed to be taken to the vet, but they refused to leave the dogs alone for an extra hour if their job demanded an early start a couple of days a year... so we, parents with younger children, had to turn ourselves around find extra care, pay for breakfast clubs so we can cover for them and do their job, so Fido didn’t feel anxious for staying 5 hours alone instead if 4. I bet Fido was not even looking at his watch.

[Nextphonewontbesamsung]

Yanbu and her children seem to be sick more often than the average teens too! My son was off school sick yesterday - first time in a couple of years.

[SunniDay]

Carers leave is usually unpaid isn't it? Perhaps if she isn't getting paid for any work she hasn't done she doesn't think it's a big deal if she'd rather be with her kids when they are ill?

[MrsGrammaticus]

My DD18 actually went to enormous efforts to hide her MH issues for months and months. This lost time made the problem worse. But she didn't want to inconvenience or upset us or to be a burden... so she thought it would be easier to take her own life and then we'd not have the hassle. I write this, with tears in my eyes. If it's an ingrowing toenail, I get the annoyance of posters..,.,but quite important to get the facts before judging.

[ArgyMargy]

@IceRebel OP said she would leave her own DC when they are in high school as her DM had left her when she was 12 or younger.

[legocat]

If the workplace are okay with it then it really is none of the op's business. Op has no idea whether the teenagers have underlying needs which their mother hasn't wished to share with her colleagues.

[BlueSkiesLies]

15 and 17? Unless they have norovirus, our cold with a raging temp or a hospital stay that is so stupid.

[Tallgreenbottle]

Yabu OP as it's none of your business. At all.

Also... "its an open secret that the mother takes them off like they're her BFFs" wow so on Mumsnet mothers can't be close to their daughters now either? 🙄 What a snide comment.

[Dillydallyingthrough]

If there's no additional needs/issues she is taking the mickey. I would not be happy as I'm guessing this causes additional pressure across the team as her work needs to be picked up by everyone else.

I used to work somewhere that offered term time - nearly everyone that had that contract had kids in there 20's, sometimes with kids of their own. It used to anger me so much as it restricted who else could have leave over the summer and they couldn't offer these times to anyone until someone gave them up which no-one did. So SP (like myself) would pay through the nose for holiday clubs, so these women (all were women) to enjoy their summer. Sorry, I went on a rant, I hate it when people are inconsiderate towards their colleagues.

[ComeAndDance]

@MrsGrammaticus

[mrsm43s]

I have 13/14 year olds.

I would leave them alone if it was a "known" minor illness - e.g. they had a cold, or the second day of a sickness bug etc. Sometimes, though, you know they are ill, but not what nor how it will progress - i.e. they wake in the night vomiting, but have not yet surfaced by the time I would need to leave for work. Or they have a very high fever, still rising. In those circumstances, I would arrange to work from home. If it makes any difference, though, I WfH at least 2 days a week anyway, and my schedule is flexible, so its not really disruptive to switch around days, plus when I'm in the office I have an hour plus commute on public transport, as does DH, so neither of us could be back quickly if the situation deteriorated. At the ages mine are, unless I know its a minor illness, I still think someone needs to be around. Not sure when I will feel differently, quite possibly not til they leave to go to Uni. That said, its probably once, maybe twice a year between my two children that I have to switch around a WfH day - not once every month or two!

[redcarbluecar]

I’d feel the same.

[anothernotherone]

The thing is it does impact upon the OP, so it is somewhat her business.

That doesn't mean that she has any right to an explanation, but if you're regularly having to pick up extra work for someone, stay late and rearrange your own caring responsibilities etc. it most certainly affects you, and the sneaking suspicion that you're being negatively impacted by someone who is taking the piss or taking special treatment at everyone else's expense creates poor workplace moral.

[The2Ateam]

My question would be, why isn’t she taking leave?

No problem with a mother wanting to look after her children but I am not convinced carers leave applies to children - with no medical conditions. Also, don’t you have to be registered as a carer to start with?

[anothernotherone]

Tallgreenbottle are you looking for ways to take offence? The post you quote is part of a paragraph about a parent taking her 15 and 17 year olds out of school during term time to go on regular spa days, but claiming that they were ill. Being "best friends" with your school age, dependant offspring with whom you necessarily have an unequal power dynamic is also deeply unhealthy. If you can't see how inappropriate that is it's unfortunate.

[anothernotherone]

The2Ateam dependants leave for emergencies and then parental leave (unpaid and can be refused in some situations) apply to parents (dependants leave applies to other close family too):

www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants
www.gov.uk/parental-leave/eligibility

[The2Ateam]

In my company they are very understanding when you have a sick child and no other care options, however wilexpect unto take leave. I am a registered carer for my mum who has incurable cancer, I am also able to take 5 paid days per calendar year to look after her, appointments etc.

Last thing I would say is, whilst annoyoying I think we should all try and be kind. No one really knows what kinds of pressures our collegues are under, it’s really a poor management issue I would say.

[sneakypinky]

She's on the skive. I bet they're not ill

Is the leave paid?

[whothedaddy]

Technically she is entitled to unpaid parental leave until they are 18. Practically she is being an idiot.

Saying that, I used to have a colleague that would take time off to take her boyfriend to the dentist. He was in his late 20's for goodness sake!

[Downunderduchess]

I worked with a woman who took carers leave when her husband had the flu. Seriously. She said she had to take him to the doctor & look after him.

[Supersimpkin]

TTP. Doesn't it only apply to under 16s?

[dottiedodah]

Do you think the girls may struggle with their periods?!.Often the case especially the younger one .I dont think having time off like this is helping either of these girls however .Will she still take time out when they are in their 20s FFS?