To think ‘Really?’ when a work colleague takes time off with her sick DDs.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

To be clear - I have no intention of mentioning/doing anything about this IRL, and I am very willing to accept I’m BU. I mainly just want to gauge if my scepticism is justified in any way.

A work colleague has two DDs, 15 and 17 - no special needs, no long-term health conditions, both in mainstream schooling, older one learning to drive. Whenever either of them is off school with a minor illness - heavy cold, stomach bug - she calls in to claim emergency carer’s leave and takes the day off with them, sometimes two days. This happens once every two or three months, with either girl, not just one in particular, so we have to pick up her work.

Now my DCs are only 7 and almost 5, but I was very much hoping that by the time they’re in high school, I’ll be able to confirm they can access the loo, food and fluids, then leave them at home by themselves and not pass my workload to my colleagues and make it into work. My mum did this with me from the age of 12 possibly even younger

AIBU to think 15 and 17 year olds are old enough to look after themselves when they’re a bit unwell, or is this one of those parental care things that has changed since I was a teenager? Or is it a ‘depends on the child’ thing?

MrsGrammaticus I’m so sorry.

My Dd had MH issues at 17, thankfully we were fully aware of them. I wouldn’t have left her on her own if she was “ill”.

Unless you’re very close to this family, you don’t know what’s going on, so stop being so judgemental without knowing all the facts.

The leave is paid - I’ve seen her filling in the emergency leave requests.

I casually (and, I assure you, supportively) asked after her DD in one of these episodes and the reason she needed to stay with the 17 year old was because she refuses to drink enough after she’s had a bout of diarrhoea. I honestly can’t help but feel that she has a nice movie day off having 1:1 time with her DD when she is a bit poorly, without it eating into her annual leave entitlement. Which is lovely but a bit stressful for us!

I’m positive there’s no MH issues - colleague is very open and we’re NHS in an AHP role where we really don’t stigmatise MH problems. She is a single mum and has had a fucking awful few years (breast cancer plus a cunt bag of a partner who left her for another woman) so hence I would never say a thing, but...I’ve had a fucking awful few years (multiple hospitalisations with life-threatening, newly diagnosed life-long condition plus sudden death of my mum) and hope I don’t do anything quite so piss-taking! But life stressors affect everyone differently...

On the face of it yanbu.

I wouldn't go spreading that opinion about though unless you are 100% sure there is no special circumstances/needs, as if there are and you are bitchy about it you'll look a right twat!

I have had to take time off with my dd1 who's 17, but she has brittle asthma and go from being a little bit coughy and wheezy to needing a nebuliser v. quickly. She's gone to work with dh before now but sometimes that's not possible.

Thankfully it doesn't happen very often

My 8 month old has tonsillitis and I'm sat here feeling CRAP about letting my colleagues down. How do some people just have no shame?!

I know you are not going to say anything in real life but its probably just a habit she's stuck with from when they are younger, and isn't really thinking of the shit she's leaving others in, just thinking they are ill I need to be there.

Problem is it does need someone to have a word irl, at 15 and 17 you don't need to be there for minor illnesses, point out how much slack she's generating for others to pick up, and point out if very ill shed need to be there but if say if they were away at uni you wouldn't be there, for the girls good they also need to know they can manage these things without mum, suggest to her she leaves an hour early or comes in an hour late to loosing a full day. but I know its easier typed than said in real life, I don't know if you can get someone to have w a word next time it occurs - and surly when 17 becomes 18 she cant get leave?

It sounds really strange that work are so accommodating for this.

I live in Sweden where there is very generous paid time off to stay home with sick children up to the age of 12. However from 13 they are deemed to be fine to stay at home by themselves with minor illnesses - although you can get an extension if your child has SN or major illness.

YABU to think anything. I mean who cares? Oh yes, the Mumsnet vultures, desperate to slate another woman who they don't know the first thing about.

One of my DC would have needed me at that age. It doesn't matter why and it's not anyone else's business. I am a parent first, employee second.

My 8 month old has tonsillitis and I'm sat here feeling CRAP about letting my colleagues down.

Please don't. It's not right that anyone should feel bad about taking time off for a sick baby

Maybe she hasn’t told you of an underlying problem? Are you good friends that you think you should know? A friend of mine had a child who had a hidden illness (wasn’t comfortable telling anyone but her boss and HR) - it was no ones business until someone put a complaint in about her taking the piss - she then had to tell everyone what her child had and got the sympathy that she absolutely didn’t want.

She’s taking the piss but it’s for management to pick her up on. Assuming no other issues there’s no way a 15 and 17 year old with a cold can’t be home alone!

Stop being so judgemental without any real evidence or facts for goodness sake. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Wow some people work for really soft companies. When DD was 6 she had a head injury at school, relatively minor but needed to be seen by a doctor. I took half a shift off and manager and colleague were both very sniffy about it. Did not get paid for those lost hours either and had to work like a maniac for the rest of the shift to catch up.

I really want to work with one of these lovely understanding companies where you can get away with murder.

I bet if the leave wasn’t paid she’d not be such a “caring mother”.

There may genuine underlying reasons but it’s far more likely she’s just a lazy, entitled cheeky fucker who sees her kids as a passport to doing what she likes. I’ve come across plenty of them.

My boss does that.
He always leaves early / takes time off to take his kids to the GP/ hospital appointments etc.

They've both graduated uni not that long ago...

As your not her manager you should mind your own business, if her manager doesn't have a problem with it why should you, where i work we have 5 day's carer leave, if they're used up then we have to take a day's holiday it comes off annual leave.

Where I work you are entitled for paid leave to stay home with kids if they are under 10yo. After that it's unpaid if you choose to stay home.

Do you have unlimited emergency days? I feel like she is working the system, because there are no strict rules in place. Its cheeky, but others could do the same?

17! How ridiculous. That's old enough to be married with a child of your own.

One of my DC would have needed me at that age. It doesn't matter why

Sorry, but the reason why is important. If it's because the teenager is lazy and pampered or is it because they have sn or a serious underlying medical condition? If it's the former, then it's taking the poss and if it's the latter, it's understandable. I'm not asking you by the way because it's not my business but the reason the parent needs to be at home is relevant.

17! How ridiculous. That's old enough to be married with a child of your own.

Indeed. However there are people of 27/37/47... who still need another person around if they are unwell. Not sure why you think the age is what dictates whether this person needs someone around. Now that's ridiculous.

Sorry, but the reason why is important.

I meant it doesn't matter why to you, to OP, to my work colleagues. My DC would have needed me so I would have been there. I don't feel I need to explain that to anyone, a bit like the person get it g ripped to shreds here, perhaps she also has reasons she hasn't disclosed. To the OP, a simple work colleague, it really doesn't matter why.

I bet if the leave wasn’t paid she’d not be such a “caring mother”.

How do you know that?

Oh wait, you don't.

I never got paid a penny for taking time off. I still prioritised the DC when I had to.

Indeed. However there are people of 27/37/47... who still need another person around if they are unwell. Not sure why you think the age is what dictates whether this person needs someone around

Age is massively relevant.

Most parents of young children take time off if their children are unwell, not just because of the illness, but because their usual childcare provision won't take them.

15 and 17 years should be fine by themselves, unless they are really poorly. Your company is entitling her behaviour.

OP your drip feed makes your comments particularly nasty. Many parents who have had cancer diagnosis become a lot more worried about their kids’ sickness.