To cancel the sleepover?

[Twerking9to5]

Daughters 5th party on sat, sent out invitations about a month ago. Included my DB and his family-we don’t see each other much as they live a couple of hours away but they have kids similar ages to ours and thought it would be nice to extend an invitation. They accepted and I then said why not stay the night and the kids can have a sleepover in one room and we can have dinner together. Again, accepted with lots of enthusiasm.

Just heard through my mum that they can’t actually make the party due to a job DB has accepted (casual day work, not a brand new job). They won’t be here til about 6.

AIBU to cancel them coming altogether? I’d rather not start welcoming and hosting an hour after cleaning up a church hall and dealing with our overexcited kids. The point was they’d be part of the celebrations then come back to ours to have time to wind down a bit. They won’t have seen each other for ages and will no doubt get overly wound up.

Also, I’m really annoyed they haven’t bothered to tell me themselves!!

I can be a bit uptight sometimes and can’t work out if this is me just needing to chill out and go with the flow or not!!!

They are being a bit rude getting DM to pass on a message, but I would not like to start a family war, so would just fume quietly.

Presumably if he accepted the work even though he wanted to come to yours he must need the money, so perhaps you could try to be understanding of that. Also if you’re a bit uptight sometimes by your own admission, others probably experience that much more, so it could be that he was afraid to tell you because of your reaction?

Could you try to look forward to this instead of seeing it as an inconvenience as your DB and his family are still going out of their way to spend time with your family even after a day at work?

I can genuinely understand why you would be annoyed, but there’s another perspective for what it’s worth.

Just cancel and arrange for a time when they can arrive earlier. After a party i would want my 5 year old in bed fairly promptly as she will be tired and over excited. If they arrive a 6 you can be assured you won't get them to sleeo until very late and you will have already had a pretty stressful day.

It is also rude of your brother not to tell you himself. I would send a text saying you've heard from your mum that he is working so want to rearrange the weekend plans and suggest an alternative date.

I can see how it sounds. DB and family have form for being selfish and doing only what suits them. Money wise, he is constantly bragging about brands he buys and holidays they go on. I’m trying not to be too outing with his profession.

But, you’re right and I could try and flip it by looking forward to seeing them.

The only issue for me would be it coming via my mum and not brother. But just tell them to grab a takeaway en route and you will supply the alcohol and enjoy their visit. Stop overthinking.

Let them come.

You don't know what pressure he was under to cover a colleague's hols or anything, or if they needed the money, or just muddled his weekends. He might only just have found out, I don't think you can assume he wasn't going to bother telling you himself. These things happen, don't assume an agenda, and don't let it spoil your DD's fun.

Thanks sunshine. I think that’s what I’m leaning towards. I would genuinely prefer to do it when it’s not so rushed (or after a child’s party )

This would genuinely not bother me one little bit. I like seeing my brother but we live hours from each other now, if it's late or the kids stay up later than normal I don't care.

Having said that, I paid for softplay at that age so I didn't have to entertain and tidy up after birthdays!