To think ex’s ex is an absolute CF’er

[lyralalala]

My ex and his wife have split up. In the last few weeks (since she discovered my DD1 does regular babysitting for a few families) she has expressed her wish that her three get a ‘better bond’ with their sisters.

For context this is the woman who told my DD’s that they couldn’t attend their brother’s christenings or birthday parties as she had family staying at the house so there was no space. She also wouldn’t allow my DD2 in the house without ex because she didn’t know how to use her epi pen. She declined to be shown how to use it, DD1 was able to use it and DD2 has only needed it twice in her life. This meant when ex was on call contact weekend had to be cancelled - even though in four years he’d been called out once for less than an hour overnight.

So anyway the girls, now 16, were keen to get to know their siblings better so the last four weekends they’ve taken the train and bus over to spend time with them. Each time she has gone out and left the girls with the kids, which they don’t mind. They mentioned that this Sunday they have something on so asked if they could come earlier or on Saturday and she said no it didn’t suit - again fair enough.

Tonight she has text them to express her disappointment that they’ve already changed their ‘routine’ and about how inconvenient it is. Turns out she has a class that she’s been going too while they were there (they didn’t know) and she can’t find another babysitter.

She’s also asked what their future plans are with regard to college, uni and working as their plans “have a direct impact on her maintenance for the children”. Cheeky cow. She was a pain in the arse for interfering in the maintenance I got for the girls - including one spectacular year when she argued one month it had to be halved as their son was starting school and therefore they had to buy uniform!

I’m trying to stay out of it a bit as the girls are discussing it between themselves and balancing up how rude they find her with how much they want to know their siblings, but I’m raging on their behalf. I’m itching to message her about the maintenance text. If you choose to have three kids with someone who already has kids you don’t get to suggest it’s in any way their responsibility to get jobs do maintenance can be stopped

I’d message her, she’s talking about her maintenance and that’s an adult problem not a teenage one so I’d have to say something about that personally. I understand leaving them to sort the siblings thing themselves thought, but you must be furious, the ex sounds like a real cow

Jesus, you must be absolutely raging! Who the fuck does she think she is? I also would have to text her about the maintenance comment.

Can you talk to your ex - the dad of all the children involved. He should be facilitating his children having the bond, and also should be sticking up for them and sorting out maintenance for everyone.

I’m absolutely livid.

I did express my concern to my girls before they started visiting that they would get very invested in the children and then it would stop and they’d be left upset. They thought about it and decided to risk it. I’m more convinced of that now - she’s clearly just after a free babysitter.

The maintenance thing I’m furious about. It’s not exactly a fortune anyway and if it wasn’t for me having it already set up she’d be having to go through the palaver I did (had to resort to speaking to military welfare who got his boss to let him know it would not go down well if he ended up with a DOE to make him pay).

@negomi90 No, there’s no point in that. One of my girls hasn’t seen him for two years and the other for nearly six months. He hasn’t seen his kids with her for ages either. He has no interest in them (he once objected to me allowing his parents to take the girls to his nephew’s wedding because it wasn’t fair on the younger kids as they weren’t going as he was alway. His parents had offered to take them buy his wife said no) whatsoever.

The maintenance is sorted, we each get our share. What she’s asking is that they get jobs rather than go into any further education that will mean he still has to pay as once he stops having to pay me she’ll get more. She obviously doesn’t realise school leaving age has changed.

I would suggest to your daughters that they should visit their siblings when their father has them.

That is one cheeky cow who needs schooling! I'd accidently on purpose send her a link to this thread

I would text her and tell her to stop talking about adult issues with the children.

I'd also remind her that they charge people for babysitting and if she'd like to hire them, they charge £10 per hour, or whatever.

They don't owe her anything. She's taking the piss. You're their mother so IMO you're entitled to step in and protect their interests here.

I think I’ll speak to them tomorrow and tell them that I’m going to text her about the maintenance.

Normally in the last year or two I’ve been a sounding board for them, but let them decide what to do about their father (hence why one has seen him more recently than the other). They are allowed to be brutally honest and I listen and guide without being overly opinionated

However, maintenance is an adult thing. Nothing to do with the children and should stay that way. Even though they’re older.