AIBU to think my husband is having an affair?

[momeof4]

We are together almost 20 years and married almost 10. We've 6 DC, aged from 8 and under. I'm a SAHM as childcare is so expensive it doesn't make sense for me to be working as I'd actually be out money so he works 60/70 hr weeks. It's been like this for 4 years. We had a healthy sex life between 2/3 times a week. Since Christmas that has changed. I've been showing signs of depression which i am being treated for by meditation and mindfulness, I've had serious weight gain. He isn't very supportive and just tells me to get over it and that I'm dragging him down too. He says he doesn't understand how I could be down when the kids are healthy we have our own home too, I tell him yes I know! Which makes me feel worse because I don't bloody know why I'm like this I just am!! He hasn't touched me really in a month he doesn't talk to me when he gets home he just goes to the pub for hours on a Friday night. I was on the family iPad which is linked to his Google account from his phone and I found he'd been watching porn on Saturday night when I went to bed. So he'd rather watch porn that touch me. I asked him if that was the case and he said it is what it is, a man has needs, I told him I was in bed and he just shrugged his shoulders. I dunno what to do, I'm fuming and I'm sad, he's lost interest in me when I need him the most. Is it someone else? Or is it that he's just not into me anymore

Nothing in your post suggests he is having an affair.

Your husband is an arsehole. Whether he’s having an affair is irrelevant.
I’m sorry OP

From your post there is nothing to suggest he's having an affair. You seem to have lost your way a bit as a couple though.

He might be - something has changed, hasn't it. Could you talk to him? Suggest counselling?

A partner with depression can be a difficult thing to deal with. No matter how great we all think we will be in that situation, we might not. You're depression changed the relationship; there is no way it didn't have any affect. He should roll with it, support you, give you what you need to help, but that is hard. Are you affectionate towards him? Have your interactions with him changed due to how you Feel? You can't help that; your feelings and your needs are absolutely valid and you cannot make depression just disappear, but you do need to think about the impact it has had on him. Maybe that's why he has become withdrawn? It doesn't excuse it. It doesn't make his behaviour Ok; he is behaving like an arse. Have you talked about It? About how things have changed filling your diagnosis? Have you talked about things you can do together to get back on track... date nights etc?

6 kids is a lot. And all under 8... that sounds like my idea of hell. You both just be exhausted and there must be constant family and financial pressure. That's enough to make seven the greatest couple have some troubling times. Start communicating. Make a plan to get things back on track and reconnect as a couple.

Firstly .
Secondly, 6 children under 8 - wow! What a demanding role for you as a sahm.
Like the others, nothing suggesting he's having an affair though.
You've both lost sight of each other; you're the sahm, he's the one who goes out to work. So common in relationships but I imagine not easy to get a baby sitter to go out for a meal just you two and re-connect?.
He needs to understand your role and responsibilities and you, with him working long hours. You need to empathise with each other. If I have a day off my DP will have much more to say about work etc and I listen (yawn). If I've just been cleaning, cooking, mundane jobs - got a teenager so at school - so not exactly thrilling but when I'm working I feel more 'interesting/more to say'. (He'll probably yawn too).
You're on different wavelengths and need a proper discussion - No accusations about who's right/wrong/ does more etc. It's not a competition - just more of a balance. Again, nothing to suggest affair unless alarm bells are ringing. You're doing great with all those children. I find a DD 15 challenging at the best of times!

Thank you so much for all your replies, they've been very helpful. It's really good having another view. No I suppose there is no hard evidence to suggest he is having an affair but I just know our relationship is now somewhat different. Again yes it's probably because I've been quite low at not myself and he's just reacting to that. He can't grasp what I'm going through and he's probably sick listening to me try and explain. More than that I'm sure he just wants me to snap out of it because he's juggling that much at work he doesn't want stress at home too. But he has to understand that I'm not fucking superwoman!! I physically and emotionally can't give anymore than I am doing. I need time for me. As selfish as that sounds, I want to be able to join a class or something!!!!!!