WWYD: possible adult autism

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I'd be interested in your views on this! It's not my family that are involved, so I don't have a horse on any side in this race. I don't know anything about autism, so very much looking for advice from those who know more than I do.

Recently, at a party, a family acquaintance with some relevant professional expertise who has spent some time in the company of this person mentioned that an older relation of the family in question shows what they described as some fairly strong characteristics of Aspergers. They noted: routinised behaviours, difficulty with normal social relations (especially where emotional responses are involved), a tendency to speak at great length about topics in which only they are interested (e.g. a very, very detailed description of every road taken on a very long journey), inability to make eye contact, inability to 'read' other people's emotions (for example, asking detailed questions about someone else's terminal diagnosis, upsetting them), obsession with factual information/ inability to process other types.

The person is practically functional. They have been retired for a long time (since their mid 40s), and they are fully compos mentis. They show no struggle to complete everyday tasks. The only way the behaviours impact them is that they tend to require a lot of social tolerance from others.

Two younger relations are now at loggerheads on what to do. The options they are discussing are:

1.- to raise this as a possibility for diagnosis/discussion, with a view to possibly getting the person some kind of help/support

1. - to mention it as a possibility with wider family but not pursue further medical options
2. - to let it go and chalk it up to the diversity of life

I've been asked for my advice, and am inclining towards (3) on the basis that my understanding is that there isn't really much support that could be offered for cases like this. But they've given me permission to ask on here, as there may be all sorts of perspectives that we don't know about on this.

The acquaintance was extremely unprofessional to share a possible diagnosis on behalf of someone who is not even their patient. It is not their place to diagnose without being involved professionally and it isn’t certainly not their place to share a speculative and possibly private diagnosis with others.

No one should do anything. The person in question is a competent adult, who is not a danger to himself or others, functions well enough to look after themselves and has not asked for help.

They should mind their business and keep out

It's not like you can force them to seek a diagnosis and it's not going to magically make them annoy you less.

It’s not easy to get an adult autism diagnosis, especially if it is high functioning.

I agree the person seems quite unprofessional

My DF and DB have undiagnosed autism, both my DCs have ASD and severe sensory issues, one also has ADHD and dyspraxia, I got them diagnosed because I wanted to understand it better and because the mainstream education system is not geared up to accept this diversity so I've had to apply for EHCP plans for them etc.
As PP have said someone who is a professional should not discuss thoughts openly with others. If they are a professional then they could approach the person in question if they really feel this person would benefit.
But personally as experience has shown me with DF and DB leave well alone unless there is a quality of life issue, this person has, on their own, found a way of living in an alien world with no help or very little, so don't go pointing out that they are different.

Even if they have autism why do you need a diagnosis if you are functioning fine. We diagnose kids to help get appropriate schooling and because we parents want "answers" but once in adulthood unless you are trying to access services of some kind a diagnosis is inconsequential, it does nothing, even pip is based on need not diagnosis.

My father is clearly autistic, undiagnosed. No plans to broach it with him. To what purpose?

I would say it totally depends on how happy the person is.

If they feel like their life is fine and they seem comfortable with the way they handle things, then I would leave well alone.

If they seem unhappy and annoyed/upset by the world around them, then I might raise the possibility with them.

From your OP, it sounds as though they are quite happy but can seem annoying to the people around them! In that case then the people around them might find it helpful to their patience to bear in mind that the person may not be neurotypical... although they have probably worked out something like that already.