Always the inviter never the invited

[getmeacupoftea]

I have always struggled with making friends. I have lots of acquaintances that never seem to be more than that. I'm always asking other mums, colleagues, SIL, if they fancy doing anything and I'm almost always politely declined.
It's starting to make me feel really lonely. I have a gorgeous family but I had the horrible thought the other day that I don't actually have any real friends. Feel like I should have "pathetic" stamped on my forehead. Feel sad when I'm in a cafe on my own with the kids, my babbling two year old for company (lovely though) and then a group of mums come in, their kids playing together. I've always wanted that but it's never seemed to happen. I have fantasies about being invited to BBQ's on a Sunday afternoon ffs 🤣
(Sorry to be such a wet fart 🤪)

Feeling like it must be me or something I do at this point. What makes you want to get to know someone?

Not a wet fart at all. It's hard sometimes to engage with others - you have to be able to shrug it off if someone says no. Baby steps maybe. Asking for something concrete is good. So maybe asking a couple of nice colleagues if they want to do lunch on a particular day.

What do you like in others? What do you notice in those who have good friendships? Are you like them?

Good friendships are a mixture of luck and "work". Do you feel that you are putting the work in from your end? I would say that includes planning get togethers/inviting people, asking questions, opening up about yourself, remembering things that are important to new/potential friends, really listening, not being too anal about keeping score (as in I called her last time, so I'm not calling until she does). The last point obviously within reason.

I have moved a lot in my life and have learned to become good at making and keeping friends. It's a skill. But the good thing is that anyone can learn it. Just keep practicing.

Thank you. I feel like I do ask a lot, maybe I'm just too full on? X

I have come to the conclusion that not many people actually invite anyone anywhere. I am often fatigued by the fact that if I want to go out I have to instigate it and its rarely reciprocated. People are generally happy to come along to the things I organise...maybe most people are a bit scared of rejection? I don't know. But its not just you.

Sorry for your pain and I can totally understand how upsetting this can be. I think maybe you need to widen your group of acquaintances and hopeful better friends will come of it Saying that don't shun those you have, just understand their limitations and

Impossible to know whether you are too full on. I think sometimes people forget to open up about themselves and are too busy just asking questions. I think that can feel like an interview for the other person. Or they never shut up about themselves. It's a balance.
Maybe if whatever you've been doing so far hasn't worked, try a different approach? Good luck! True friends are one of the greatest things in life. I'm sure you'll make some if you persist and widen your circle.