To think having a second DC can be more scary than first?

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When having DD I was mostly just excited with abit of nerves occasionally. This time whilst don't get me wrong this is a very wanted DC and I am very happy. I am nervous/scared. Scared of DDs reaction when he/she is here, scared of labour, scared of going back to sleepless nights/newborn stage to name afew
Yet I feel like all I get if I mention is it 'oh your a pro now it will be easier for you'
I feel like when your having your first your in a bubble imaging all those rosy newborn cuddles and for many you have no real idea what's coming.
AIBU to feel like this? Did others?

Yes! Exactly the same!
DS due in a week and I am waking in the night to pee, or just to get comfortable and thinking to myself.. oh god.. I’ll be up breastfeeding every 1-3 hours soon. My DD has slept through for 18 months now. She’s an excellent sleeper and goes a full 14 hours! I have been blessed. Although I remember the newborn days well and how hard it was adjusting. I am also anxious at the thought of keeping my nearly 3 yo busy when she’s with me at home (only 2 mornings a week at nursery as I was part time before and we can’t afford more than that). It’s scary!

The only positive is I am more prepared.. I know where all the baby groups are and have a few mummy friends. I had no one the first time and found getting out a real struggle.

We can do this! 😂

How far along are you? X

Yep, much worse second time! And you're so right - the bubble protects you the first time but the second time I think you're hyper aware of the scary stuff and the difficult stuff. And there's a toddler to consider! I felt the same and really just 'got through' my second pregnancy

@DandyLyon it’s hard being pregnant with a toddler as well isn’t it! First time you can go bed early if you want. When you start Mat leave you’re lying down watching box sets and prepping your hospital bag. Going shopping for baby stuff.
I started Mat leave earlier this time and I am shattered with my toddler! She never stops 😂

@Blondiejay24 absolutely! You can't just give in to tiredness like you can first time around. Exhausting!

I found it a thousand times easier with the 2nd

I found it a real shock having first . Having second I knew it would all be ok and didn’t worry as much .

@teachermam the pregnancy? Or having 2 instead of 1?
Generally my pregnancy hasn’t been too bad. But morning sickness was way harder with a toddler this time, and now I’m big, just keeping my energetic toddler busy when all I want to do is chill is hard!

YANBU

With my first pregnancy I didn't have a clue what I was letting myself in for. I was hoping for a straightforward birth and an easy baby (don't we all) and didn't get either.

I do want a second child but I'm pretty terrified of dealing with pregnancy and childbirth while also looking after DC1 who is still bloody hard work.

I think the thought of it is scarier but the reality of it isn’t when they are there.

I was terrified of giving birth again having almost died the first time. Everyone told me the second labour was always easier and they were right, it was a breeze compared to the first time.

I also worried about how ds1 would take to a new baby and he was fine.

We were more relaxed as we knew what we were doing with a baby. Ds1 was only 18 months so it was still relatively fresh in our minds I guess.

I think it is scarier as you know what you are in for but much easier once they are here. Good luck and congratulations!

The pregnancy sorry was harder but 2nd baby was so much easier

No shock

I wasn't scared of the birth etc even though I ended up with a section

I was way more relaxed when it came to the baby and sleepless nights didn't phase me

You'll never be as tired as you were in ur first

Yanbu. It's taken me almost 3 years to get to a point where I'm happy to put a date to start TTC. Second time round the thought is far scarier and there's so much more to consider.

My DS is 12 weeks old (DD is 2.5) and I've found it so much easier this time around. I was so anxious during the first few months with DD because it was all so new and scary but this time it's a been much calmer.

Getting through the pregnancy with a toddler to look after wasn't quite as easy and the days when I have them both with me for a full day are sometimes challenging but you soon remember how much easier babies are compared to toddlers!!

Get as much help as you can during those first few months. I think overall I'm finding the workload has increased but the love and laughs have increased too. It's happy chaos!

DC2 is 4 months. I was more worried about pregnancy sickness and labour second time round but have found it easier since DS was born than last time. Life is much busier but I am less anxious and find it easier to take each stage as it comes. Currently in 4 month sleep regression hell (worse than DC1) but coping better psychologically as I know we will get there eventually. Plus I don't want more children so don't have to do it again! Even in labour I was thinking that!

Having a newborn & a baby is WAY easier than being pregnant with a toddler!

For me, there was a whole layer of anxiety that wasn't there second time, I knew I was an okay Mum and that DC2 would be loved. I was prepared for difficulties feeding and knew the sleepless nights would end at some point.

To this day however, I remember that first night home with DC2, and the first 3am wake up, thinking 'OMG what have I done????'

Congrats on your second babies everyone - that means twice the cuddles, twice the moments when you think your heart will burst you love them so much, and three times the love (because they love each other too!).

@teachermam that’s true! First time the lack of sleep just kills you. No one am prepare you for those first 3 months!

I’m still a bit anxious about the birth. My first was a right palaver and ended up giving birth without any pain relief. I can still remember the pain 😂
I’m hoping I get to suck on as much gas and air as I want this time.

Glad it's not just me then! I'll be 17 weeks tomorrow so still abit of time to 'prepare ' myself. I agree being pregnant with a toddler is a lot harder to. With DD I was very sick until 12 weeks but just stayed in bed all day. With this DC the sickness lasted till 14/15 weeks and I had to carry on as normal with a very energetic toddler .
Hopefully as some has said the shock won't be as much. I'm also hoping it's true about the second labour being easier 🤞

Also with DC1 I felt like I should be having this special maternity leave and it was being ruined by my exhaustion. This time I feel more like as long as we get through each day with everyone reasonably happy then we are winning. So the reality and expectations are more closely aligned!

Meant to add good luck to all ladies currently pregnant with their DC! Hope all goes well

You are right to feel apprehensive! Having a child, any child, is a huge undertaking and I wish more people considered all the ins and outs of pregnancy, childbirth and being a parent for the rest of your life.

You will be very tired. What can you do now to make your life easier for the first year?

Make a little surprise toy box (I did with all sorts of bits from the charity shop) and pick one out for your older child for when breastfeeding. Similarly, get a stash of new books to read to your older child when nursing at another point in the day.

Beg borrow or steal one of those bath cradles which leave your hands free to have both in bath at same time. Same with a wrap/carrier/double buggy.

Plan for an easy birth. Plan for a traumatic birth. Get help on your side. Book a cleaner to come weekly for the first two months. Stock freezer with freezer meals and good quality ready meals.

I had a friend have a worse second birth than her first. I had an 'easy' second birth but baby came with such speed and force the pain and chaos of an unmedicated, precipitous labour haunted me for months.

Baby then had sepsis at 3 weeks old. Back to hospital we went. That set me back. I did not sleep for three days and once discharged I couldn't get back 'up to speed'.

All the help was SO useful.

I was the opposite. First DC I was absolutely tricking it, thinking it would be the hardest thing I had ever done and convinced I would be utterly useless as a mother. That wasnt the case, so second DC I was much more chilled. At the end of the day you just get on with it. Yes there are sleepless nights, but you cant return your child so the only option is to crack on really. Ask for help if you need it, get as much rest as you can and take the pressure off in other areas of your life so you have more time for your children. It will be fine.

*bricking - bloody phone.