Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Over reaction?

17 replies

EagleAndTheHawk · 09/07/2019 23:52

Unsure if I'm being overly sensitive or unreasonable so I'll leave it up to you..

Some background, DP has recently reconnected with his DB, I've only met him a few weeks ago and seen him a couple times since then. Myself and DP have 2 DC under 3 and we are currently going through some financial difficulties so are cutting back and only buying what is needed and necessary.

DP had his brother stay over for a night last week, which I was fine with. BIL likes to smoke weed, so I told DP to let BIL know that he wouldn't be able to bring any as we don't allow drugs in or around the house.

Fast forward to him arriving, I find out from DP that he has indeed got some weed in his bag for the both of them. Now I obviously am a bit miffed as I said I didn't want it at home and DP assured me he wasn't bringing anything.

Later on in the night DP and BIL have had a couple of beers and smoked (outside away from house) and DP is completely off his face. I storm off to bed, childish I know.
Once BIL had left the next morning, I tell DP how upset I was that he ruined the evening, getting drunk/high, bringing drugs in the house, he apologizes and says it won't happen again, but he didn't know he would bring any.

However I have now found out, from seeing messages on the shared laptop, that he knew BIL was bringing weed and had then asked him to buy him some, and not to tell me which has seriously pissed me off. Overall he spent £35 on alcohol and weed, which may not sound an awful lot, but at the moment for us, it really is, and of course the fact that he lied to me about it.

Whenever BIL comes to visit, they drink more than they should
If DP goes to visit him, he comes home incredibly late and drunk
He seems to rank his brother higher than me, changing 'wedding' plans to what his brother prefers.

It seems since his brother has resurfaced, he's changed and not in a good way, but then I feel like I'm being ridiculous and over reacting and this is just how they are

OP posts:
Original poster
EagleAndTheHawk · 09/07/2019 23:54

Just to point out, he never drinks or smokes around the DC

OP posts:
MuddyMoose · 09/07/2019 23:58

Definitely not over reacting or being sensitive. Sounds like this resurfaced brother is a bad influence.

Purplelion · 10/07/2019 09:10

How was he “off his face” on 2 beers and a spliff??

MyOpinionIsValid · 10/07/2019 09:12

I wouldnt be marrying anyonewho did weed or any other illegal drug. Not what you want to hear.

MashedSpud · 10/07/2019 09:13

I’d be pissed off at the lies and I hate drugs so I’d be pissed about that too.

IvanaPee · 10/07/2019 09:16

He was off his face after a couple of beers and ONE smoke? That doesn’t sound right, OP.

sleepingbelvi · 10/07/2019 09:20

You seem to be laying blame firmly on your BIL; because he is a bad influence. Remember your DP is an adult and made these choices himself. Also if he was off his face I would think he had been taking more than weed

ShatnersWig · 10/07/2019 09:24

Well, you'll be a bloody moron if you go through with the 'wedding'.

I'd probably say you'll be a bloody moron if you continue this relationship.

recall · 10/07/2019 09:25

Can’t you just cut him some slack and let him enjoy his time with his brother ?

You don’t sound like a bag of laughs ....I feel sorry for him

ShatnersWig · 10/07/2019 09:27

recall So lying to your fiance is OK in your book, is it? Spending money that, as a couple, you can't really afford is OK, is it?

NoSauce · 10/07/2019 09:28

What wedding plans? Did your DP smoke weed prior to him getting back in touch with his brother?

recall · 10/07/2019 09:29

Not really ....but it seems to me that he is being quite controlled ...I’ve been in a controlling relationship....and I ended up being sneaky

Lllot5 · 10/07/2019 09:30

I wouldn’t marry any one who takes illegal drugs. I wouldn’t marry any one who smokes or drinks a lot come to that.
It’s a no from me.

recall · 10/07/2019 09:31

I doubt they’d want to marry you either

Chamomileteaplease · 10/07/2019 09:32

Sounds like your dp is noticing the difference between his own life of financial hardship and the hard work of looking after two children under three and the life of his brother who appears to be rather more carefree.

And he is lusting after the freedom his brother has.

I would suggest a sit down calm chat with your dp about how you recognise your lives are very different but hey that's the life he chose and yes it's hard work. But you have to concentrate on the rewards. And maybe you could between you find some free or cheap things to look forward to that you can do with each other so that life is not just a drudge.

On the one hand you can't blame him for wanting a night of rebelling but on the other hand he shouldn't be pissing £35 up the wall at this time.

Maybe if you sit down and have a chat about your lives, why dp feels the need to do this and all that it may help. I hope he also apologises profusely for spending the £35 because that is really shit.

Pineapplefish · 10/07/2019 09:32

Not overreacting, OP. You need to have a serious chat with your DP. Is he seriously committed to saving money? The overspend would annoy me nearly as much as the drugs!

cakecakecheese · 10/07/2019 09:54

No not overreacting, he's spent money you don't really have and then lied to you about it.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread