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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is DH

7 replies

Soymocha · 09/07/2019 21:23

I've had a really long day juggling work, kids, school run and after school activities. No food left in the house after cookings kids their tea - we seem to have gone through our food really quickly this week and I hadn't realized - and DH comes in and makes himself a cheeseboard for tea which I don't fancy.

DH has to nip out anyway as he forgot to take out some cash which he needs. He has to walk past takeaway A. Takeaway B is also nearby if he chooses another route. I ask if he would mind picking something up for me to eat on way back as he has to walk past anyway. There'd be no waiting time as he can call ahead. He asks what I want. I said item X from Takeaway A (first choice) or item Y from takeaway B if he decides to take the other route home.

DH arrived home. I was starving. He went to Takeaway B. That's fine, I appreciate that he picked something up for me but not sure why he didn't go past my first choice as it's also the quickest route home. I open it up. And he's bought me something else entirely. I asked him why he didn't order what I asked. He replied "Oh, i changed it". When I asked why, he replied "because you've had it before and liked it".

DH is now aggrieved that I am upset. Yes, possibly I'm now just hangry and disappointed. And also baffled as to why he would do this. He feels that I am ungrateful because he bought me another item on the menu that cost more. Misses the point that I didn't actually want it. And I'm still hungry but it rely don't want fancy what he's bought.

Have I lost all perspective because I'm hungry and tired? For context, DH usually has form for being quite oblivious to things I say - in one ear, out the other, and usually has good intentions. In this case, he seems to genuinely think that he chose a better dish for me and that was a nice thing to do. It gets really frustrating.

OP posts:
Troels · 09/07/2019 21:27

He's an idiot, he probably forgot what you asked for so just got something else. He could have text and have you repeat what you'd like.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/07/2019 21:27

Have something to eat, what he got you or anything else you have in the house. You’re hungry and grumpy, fair enough. Don’t waste time having a row when you know you’ll feel better when your stomach’s not eating itself.

It sounds like his heart was in the right place. If he’s often a bit thoughtless then tackle that another day.

Soymocha · 09/07/2019 21:28

Ps I know it's just food! There are more serious issues out there! But I am hungry and was really looking forward to a rare takeaway treat for myself and had imagined myself tucking into meal X Grin. DH is not controlling at all. He did have good intentions I think. He's gone off in a huff now.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 09/07/2019 21:32

I’d be bloody fuming. The dh knows I psyche myself up for a particular item/type of-rare-takeaway, so he’d get what I asked, why wouldn’t he? So weird!

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 09/07/2019 21:33

I see where you're coming from OP!

It's just odd. It implies he knows you mind better than you do. Or your preferences dont matter. It would be weird if a friend or a waiter did it. It's weird he did it.

Next time he asks for a cup of tea make him a coffee and see what he says

Soymocha · 09/07/2019 21:34

Troels, he didn't forget. He had it in a text. He just said he changed it for me for something he thought was better Confused though I don't actually like what he bought. I think he also got confused because it's him that actually liked it last time. Not me!

AnneLovesGilbert you are right. I know it isn't worth a row. I'm too tired to even have a row about it. Thoughtless is a recurring theme here and it does wear me down a bit. As you say, I must focus on the intentions being good.

Thanks both. I needed to get this off my chest and get some perspective from impartial mumsnetters.

OP posts:
Soymocha · 09/07/2019 21:37

AmIRightOrMeringe you've summarised better than I could why I was annoyed. Ha ha. Yes I should do that - in a light-hearted way - tomorrow to see if he can better understand where I'm coming from tonight!

OP posts:
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