Ever wish you’d spoken up?

[brownstripes]

Kind of inspired by another thread about good come backs...

Do you ever look back at moments and wish you’d stuck up for yourself/reacted I’m a different way? I was in bed last night about to drift off to sleep when a memory that I’d completely forgotten about cake up. It was a few years ago and I was getting ready for a night out with two other family members and another relative walked in took a look at me and said “urgh - you look anorexic - yuck.” (She sounded genuinely repulsed). I was stumped and didn’t actually say anything back so after an awkward pause everyone started talking about something completely unrelated. It ruined my whole night and I felt really shit about myself - did bring it up once to the other 2 relatives after a few drinks but they just said oh don’t listen to her, you look good, she’s just jealous etc (the usual stuff).

Anyway last night I couldn’t get it off my mind! Was so annoyed that I didn’t say anything back - this particular relative is a lot older than me and I bet she would have been livid if I’d said something as rude about her daughters body (which I would never do).

Anyway aibu to feel this shit about it? Had completely forgotten about it to be honest despite the fact that I see this relative a few times a year (she hasn’t made any other comments since). Does anyone else torture themselves with stuff like this? It’s really out of character for me.

Initially, I thought YWB a little U to be feeling bad about something that was said a few years ago. But, on the other hand, yes, sometimes things from the past have a way of coming to the forefront of our minds, and sometimes they bring emotions with them. So in the length of time, it's taken me to write this post, I've changed my mind to YANBU.

The question is though, what will you do with that feeling - learn from it, and move on? Good. Brood on it and spiral - Not Good.

I will definitely move on. I’m not massively bothered about these sort of things usually. I’ve definitely had worse said to me!

I once had someone make a racist comment about a certain religion, not realising I was that religion. I didn’t speak up. I should’ve done (in fact, I should’ve done even if it hadn’t been my religion). I was very young though, in my late teens and it was in the workplace. I was intimidated. It grates on me to this day.

And no, OP, YANBU to still be irritated by that comment!

Many years ago in my workplace a manager was yelling at a group of us for what he perceived to be under productivity. But it was an unfair assessment of what had been going on and I say this objectively. I was actually quite scared as this was going on. One of my colleagues spoke up and tried to explain, and got shouted down by the manager. I wish I could have stood up and backed up my colleague.....but I didn't. I was a coward.

I always think of great responses -scathing and witty and floor-wipingly effective ones that should be delivered with a sardonic smirk and raised eyebrow.

Except I think of them hours or days later.

I'm getting better though - now I can at least sometimes come up with something not totally lame at the time even if it's an "excuse me??" reply but I really wish I had the wit at the time!

I torture myself with on a regular basis with either embarrassing moments or times when I wish I had made a snappy comeback. They pop into my head randomly.
It's horrible.

Yes! Me right now. I am on the tram on the way home from work when an elderly lady got on same stop as me, obviously let her go ahead. The tram is extremely busy and not ONE person offered her a seat. I couldn't believe it. She was stood holding onto a pole in the middle section clearly uneasy on her feet. I wished I'd said something right away as soon as I got on the tram but after a few minutes I felt I couldn't. Anyway.. I was still really angry at the complete rudeness of everyone, I kept watching around for a free seat and the next stop someone got up to get off so I made sure the lady got that seat. She was grateful but I just can't believe not one person noticed this or even worse did but did not offer Next time I won't think twice about saying something!!