*warning mental health* scared about reaction

[StillATaboo]

I had a major mental health breakdown last week. It's a culmination of a lot of things just broke me. I rang in sick last week and was in hospital for a few days as I was afraid I would try and kill myself. I didn't, and I've got support now.

But im a week onwards and I'm worried about going back to work. I need to work because I've got bills and I'm only on ssp which is fine but not enough.

I told work I was having a bad time mentally and I'm worried about being judged when I go back? I'm meant to be going back tomorrow but I'm not sure, I mean I don't want to be judged and the longer I'm off the worse it will be and the worse I will feel about going back.

I need to go back but I don't know if I'm ready. And I'm worried about what people will think of me if I tell them
What happened?

I don't know if i should call my gp and ask for support? My job aren't the most supportive but they're not bad however I feel like taking much more time off is taking the piss?

However if I'd have broken my leg on Monday rather than felt like I was going to kill my self I probably wouldn't be feeling bad at all about work and would be enjoying time off in front of netflix but it's not my leg. It's my head. And I haven't left the house apart from for appointments because I'm afraid of people seeing me out of the house and reporting me to my manager for taking the piss? Which isn't helping my mental health

Fuck!

What do i do?

Well done for getting help when you needed it.
As far as work goes, you are protected by The Equality Act and have some rights, so have a chat with ACAS or Citizens Advice and find out what your rights are and how to manage when you go back to work.

Try not to worry about people seeing you outside. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone, its you managing things not them. Exercise is recommended for some disabilities.

Do you need to tell most people what happened? As long as your manager or HR know you can tell people whatever you feel comfortable with.
Go back as if nothing much has happened. It’s just another day at work. (I know it won’t necessarily feel like that for you but as long as you act as normal people generally just get on with their day).

I thought I'd have to tell people as they ask if you're feeling better. But I guess I could just be breezy and say yes. I'm going to see how I feel in the morning I think.

Illness is illness whether it be your mental health or physical health. Poor mental health is just as valid a reason to be off sick as having a broken leg. You should off as much time as it takes to recover, that's not taking the piss that is what sick leave is for.

Do you have much support in real life?

You don’t have to tell them, you can even lie if someone pushes and say blinding migraine, D&V or suspected appendicitis. It’s your private information. A breezy “much better now thanks” is perfectly acceptable.
“Oh you know women’s stuff” is always a good fallback.

See how you feel but remember they don’t have a right to know so if it’s better for your recovery not to tell them, you don’t have too.

Most people suffer with mental health problems at some point. That means that for everyone who hasn't they are likely to have a partner/parent/child or friend that has.

I agree that you don't have to tell your colleagues anything but be prepared that some managers are not as discreet or professional as they should be so your colleagues may have a brief idea that you were off with "stress" for example. Depending on how well you were able to keep it hidden they may have seen it coming.

If they do know something remember my first point- most people have suffered or know someone close to them that has. If anyone says "I can't understand someone ......." re: mental health/depression you could say "your very lucky to not understand - most people will suffer from mental health problems at some point or will have supporting someone suffering- so if your life has not been affected yet I hope you continue to be so lucky."

I hope your return goes well. If you find you can't go in perhaps you could ask about a phased return. Is there a HR or occupational health dept. Can you think of adjustments to your job that would help you to return?

Thank you. My mum killed herself on New Years Day so I was off for a while after that. Then 3 weeks ago we finally had the funeral and I've struggled since. I didn't expect such a long wait for the funeral but there a massive backlog with the coroner and they wouldn't release her body until the inquiry which took forever. Then she had left instructions for a really specific funeral so we had to get permissions and stuff for it. And now it's all over it just hit me like a ton of bricks. Like all the grieving I should have done in January just happened now

And it's months later so no one really is around to help.

My husband and his family are beyond amazing, I couldn't have done it without him but it has smacked me round the face this week that I'm never going to be able to speak to her, I can't just ring her and ask her about her day. My dad died when I was 11 so I'm totally alone now. And it hurts.

Be kind to yourself and sorry for your loss

I'm so glad you have a supportive husband. You said in your first post you are getting support now - don't be afraid to take medication if your GP thinks it might help to get you through.

Remember you can always phone the Samaritans to talk (you don't need to be in crises to do this).

I just looked at support for bereavement and there is a special support group for bereavement through suicide:
uksobs.org
Their helpline is 9am-9pm (the charging info is on the helpline web page I think it is local rate and included in your minutes if you have a mobile contract with inclusive minutes).

Now if you're not already try to get some sleep x

(Sobs helpline is mon-fri)

I'm so sorry about what you went through with your mum, and about how you've been feeling. It' s very good you've got a supportive partner and some help though.

The most important thing at work, really is just to keep yourself safe and well , and do what ever you actually need to do work wise. If people ask 'stress related type thing' , would cover a lot of things. Maybe you could even say to any management, that you have to talk to about absence, that you're choosing not to go into detail with colleagues at the moment, so you'd like anything you've told them to be confidential.

if someone is a bit pushy and you don't want to disuss it , it's ok to nicely say, 'thanks for asking and don't think me rude, but I don't really want to talk about it' or 'don't ask, I'd still be talking at 6 o'clock tonight'

When I was younger , I used to be a bit shy and I remember reading some advice about talking to people, and it said-something like, 'it's ok to just let it be quiet, and not feel you have to be the one to fill the silence'. I remember finding it really helpful sometimes , saying to myself , in a room with a few people, actually thinking, 'it's ok for it to be silent, don't feel you have to be the one to speak' . It might be helpful to think that , if someone is asking or dropping hints, to give a quick or vague answer, then if it goes quiet just let it.

The thing is , it's very helpful to talk about things that are upsetting or difficult or sad, but it needs to be on your terms , in response to what you can manage , with people you trust or choose , in a space and time you feel comfortable with, so you don't have to tell anyone something, if you don't feel like it.

I hope it goes ok and I hope you're ok ,

also, I wanted to say, if you have breaks at work, take a magazine or newspaper and some sweets or extra drink or something, in with you, even if you don't normally, so you can have something nice at break.

I hope things are ok and you're feeling ok :)