to feel I'm getting fat?

[whatsforT]

So I know I'm not overweight, but I've had issues with food this past year and lost 2 stone quite dramatically (within 6 months) to the point people I haven't even seen or heard from in years were messaging me to say either 'wow you look amazing' or 'how much weight have you lost!?' and also family and friends continue commenting on it and every time I see them to say how much more I've lost and that I get 'skinnier' every time they see me. I know 2 stone isn't a crazy amount but I was already slim size 8/10 before I lost the weight. I am now a size 6 with occasional size 4 item needed. I have a few age 11 things too from New Look kids section I am 28.

I was watching what I ate and always exercising and went from 9st 10lbs to 7st 8lbs (at my lightest). I am only 5ft 3in so petite anyway, but I admit I was starting to look a bit scrawny and lost almost all of my not very generous to begin with C cup boobs. Lucky if I am a B now.

Anyway, I didn't want to lose anymore so upped my calories and I am now 7st 13lbs which has been easy to maintain for the past few months. The thing is I am now feeling a sense of dread when it comes to food because I fear my weight will creep back up again, and it's becoming an issue. I am a bit obsessed with all things weight and food these days and worried this is what is classed as an eating disorder. Nothing goes in my mouth without knowing the exact amount of calories it contains. And if I hadn't planned to eat it then I categorically will not. I don't know if I'm just being paranoid but at what point does it cross that line? My partner tells me I am too skinny and he preferred me before, which really doesn't make me feel good. It actually makes me want to lose even more just to go against him.

Has anyone else experienced this or have any advice on how to get over it? It's all I think about Thanks in advance.

I think this does sound like an eating disorder. Sorry

I think you would be well advised to go to see your GP - be honest with him/her about everything that's happened, and also explain what your food issues were that led initially to the significant weight loss.

Good luck

I don't have experience of this but wanted to say perhaps you could say some (or all) of this to your GP and ask for a little help, because focussing solely on your weight really doesn't sound healthy, let alone using the word 'fat' in relation to your own body. Please, listen to the posters who'll come and give you advice, and get yourself a little support.

Be careful, you are similar weight to me, but I have never been much over 8, I have been 4 stone 10lb in my early twenties, it started as a rapid weight loss, everyone complimenting, then it became the only thing I could control, I could easily go a day without eating.
I've never had a big appetite, I eat what I want but I can only eat small portions, I am always on the go.
Try stop the diet now, join a gym, do some body sculpting, it is a different method of keeping slim but making healthy food choices, while strengthening your body.
As I don't have a huge appetite I try to eat good food, plus chocolate.
I haven't been below 7 stone 6lb in 15 years, if I see myself hitting that weight I stop exercise and eat lots of high carb food.
I am the same in the other direction, I can't go over 8 stone without feeling uncomfortable in my clothes, I have a high metabolic too.
If Dsis spend the weekend pigging out, she 'll gain a few lb.

You need to start by remembering that eating disorders are mental illnesses characterised by physical symptoms. Whilst you may or may not have an eating disorder per se (not a doctor, but have been dangerously far down that rabbit hole), your dreading of gaining weight when you objectively know you are so small and knowing everything that goes into your mouth is disordered thinking and behaviour.

How do the comments about you losing weight, or every time someone sees you, the remarks about you getting thinner make you feel? happy? proud? annoyed? scared?

You mentioning that you want to go against your partner is a red flag (IME) because it suggests to me that your relationship with food/body image/control/self has surpassed a real and meaningful relationship with another person... that's really a big warning sign. Eating disorders are very lonely diseases.

Only you have the answers to this, but you need to get some help in identifying what is wrong, and very, very importantly- from the right person.

Im not in the UK so cant recommend any charities or organisations that might give you a place to start, but you do not need to be fobbed off or have someone minimalise your concerns, which unfortunately happens a lot. You need to see the right person. What is positive is that you can see that there is something not quite right early on. Get in control of this before it controls you

*If both Dsis and myself pigged out.

Thank you for the replies

Oh gosh the thought of even going to the GP makes me so anxious. I can't stand the thought of someone else controlling what I eat. What would they do?

emerald I do go to the gym twice a week and I also do CrossFit as I like to keep toned. I was a gymnast for 17 years or so and never had to watch what I ate, but once I retired from gymnastics after a couple of years I realised all of a sudden I'd put on this weight. 7st 13lbs used to be my 'normal', although I never gave it a second thought back then.

My worst fear would be people noticing I've put weight BACK on, or even worse commenting how I look much better (implying I've put on a few lbs), I understand that's not healthy to think that way.

Sounds like an eating disorder.
“Always exercising”, “knowing the exact amount of calories”, planning exactly what to eat, wanting to “lose even more just to go against him”, etc.
Make an appointment with your doctor.

My understanding is eating disorders are not uncommon in gymnastics. Maybe you’ve known some people with this problem.

bananas thanks for taking the time to reply. I'm listening.

In answer to your question about how I feel when someone comments on my weight.. initially I used to feel happy and somewhat proud, but as the months went on and it was my own mum/siblings having a word with me saying I shouldn't lose anymore and they were a bit worried, then I started to feel scared. It's also a bit alarming that people I ament even in contact with feel the need to message and say something. I just don't think that's something I'd ever do, whether I was trying to be nice and compliment them or if I was taken aback by how skinny they'd gotten. It makes me wonder how I look to the outside world. I think I have a completely different image of myself.

I HATE the phrase 'getting fat', wish it could be banned. People put weight on, it's normal; putting some weight on isn't automatically 'getting fat' or cause for panic or misery. I'm about 5ft1 and 9 and a quarter stone and I have never thought of myself as fat and I'm sure no one has ever thought I was (and even if I was 'fat', really is it that terrible?)

But it does sound like you are overthinking things and could be leading in an unhealthy direction, so do see your GP

I'm sorry for using the phrase 'getting fat'. I am trying to be careful with my choice of words.

whatsforT It is good you're keeping fit.
You need to be honest with yourself here, is it the new attention you like, are you feeling defiant finally in control of those around you, the threat of loosing more to annoy your partner screamed this.
In part for me it was the attention I got, I enjoyed it, I valued my entire self as only being about my weight loss, it was a talking point, I was a talking point.
Do you notice if others put on weight.
I remember going to visit a friend, I was back up to 6.5 stone, she said oh emerald you look well after putting on some weight, I left her house and jogged for an hour.
How delusional I was.

I guess it's a bit of both, the attention and being in control. Yes I do notice others but it would probably have to be at least a stone or more for me to notice. Whereas I start to panic after 1lb or 2.

Oh emerald I would do the exact same thing if someone said that to me, it's scary I feel that exact way yet I know it's not healthy.

Thanks everyone for the replies I am taking them on board.

Ok, you need to see the doctor although they can be dismissive unless your BMI is low.
Start by turning it into a healthy lifestyle change, meal plan if you must, make healthy meals, healthy snacks.
Recognise your to low numbers, say 7 stone 11lb and high number of 8.2, if you stay within these ranges you should be ok.
Eating disorders have an awful impact on the whole family, the attention will turn to pity and despair, no one wants to be pitied, it is not a competition with anyone but yourself.
Find another worthwhile fight.

Thank you so much emerald it means a lot. I'd feel comfortable with the weight range 7st 11lbs and 8st 2lb.. much over that I start to make it a 'thing'.

I will consider seeing my GP or at least speaking to someone for some help

It gives you the same control without a dangerous loss, goodluck

Speak to your GP. They will be able to make relevant referrals for you. In situations like this support groups and therapy can be really useful.

It's best to catch these things as early as possible if you want the best chance of recovery.

Good luck OP xx