Toddler girlfriend

[octobersunshine]

My son's father keeps referring to any young girl he encounters as my son's girlfriend. My son has just turned three. Any girl, at nursery, playgroup, swimming, the children of friends, my ex partner will say 'oh that's your girlfriend / is this your little girlfriend'.

I find this really inappropriate. I feel like it teaches children, but young boys in particular, that girls are not their own person, that they're seen in how they're related to boys, that he can't just be friends with a girl without there being some kind of point made. His nursery school actively discourages this understandably, and god knows if I had a daughter, I'd hate some random bloke telling their son 'that's your girlfriend'. I've raised it with him but he won't stop and thinks I'm being unnecessarily sensitive to what is just a lighthearted joke. The nursery made it clear it's not appropriate. I don't know what to do. Am I being overly sensitive? Can I get the nursery to explain why they don't encourage this? He just Laughs at me

Yuck, it's so cringe!

Is your son's father also your partner, or have you split up? If he's your partner, I would keep asking him not to say it as I found it inappropriate. If he's your ex there's not much you can do really.

Ugh. My dad always did this to me growing up and it really affected me. From toddler to teenage years “is that your boyfriend?” “Oh it’s only a joke, don’t be so serious”. It’s awful.
I never say this to kids and when my people say it to my kids, I look at them and say “what? No it’s just their friend”. 🙄

I get what you're saying, and I'm not a huge fan of it either as I think it's quite cringey.

However, I don't really see it as a sexist thing, as there's been loads of occasions when the same has been said to my DD. Most of the babies in our wee group are boys and loads of people refer to them as her boyfriends.

YANBU

If nursery have said it’s appropriate then make him face off with them to explain himself. A bit of humiliation will do him good.

A lot of men of all ages seem to do this. It's very odd.

Yanbu, I hate this. Dd's best friend at nursery is a boy and she gets this a lot. Once his mum said to me "I think they want to get married" I just said "They're 3."

Hate this, boys and girls at that age play together.
My ds 14 there’s a group of friends mostly boys, one girl. He’d cringe if anybody suggested anything but mates

YANBU. I have twin boys and my grandad does this with them all the time, it makes me so uncomfortable

Yeah I find this really annoying. Same as when people post photos of their toddler with their friend’s kid of the opposite sex and make the “boyfriend/girlfriend” comments. Ugh

YANBU. It's awful. No wonder so many people grow up thinking you can't have a mate of the opposite sex.

It's made me feel loads better that people agree with me, thanks!

Surely if nursery have said its inappropriate that should make him think twice!

Anyway the difference between a friend who's a girl, and a girlfriend, is sexual. And that's not appropriate in relation to children

Yuk, I have never liked things like that

It's poor humour, sort of along the lines of 'mummy needs wine' or similar, but I think you can be a perfectly nice and good father and do this.

Yup. My toddler got a lot of "Do you want to give X a kiss?" I've now put a stop to it.

I got this all the time growing up that every boy I played with was a boyfriend . It's really affected me into adulthood as I always look to fancy any guy I meet instead of just being friends. That said, DS age 4 has had an actual girlfriend for over a year and they cuddle and kiss (lots) at nursery