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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you’d keep the IVF babies (in the news)?

33 replies

AtSea1979 · 08/07/2019 17:25

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-48908133

They paid £80k for IVF treatments etc so must have really wanted a baby so why wouldn’t they keep them? No matter how shocked and angry they are at the clinic. Presumably she’s given birth to them so they are hers? It’s not like she was a surrogate.

OP posts:

Cherrysoup · 08/07/2019 17:28

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-48908133

Clicky link.

Butchyrestingface · 08/07/2019 17:28

In addition to not being related to the couple, the children were not related to each other, according to the lawsuit.

Good God, cock up extraordinaire.

Cherrysoup · 08/07/2019 17:30

Crikey, poor parents! Both boys despite no male embryos being used (or wanted, presumably) and the two boys aren’t related to one another! Who the heck do they belong to? The clinic must surely provide further rounds of ivf to this poor couple.

TheSpottedZebra · 08/07/2019 17:30

Well, maybe not. They were obviously of different ethnicity, so maybe the parents realised straight away that they weren't their genetic offspring, and so the disconnect/shock outweighed any bond that you're expecting them to feel.

Or maybe there are legal reasons - that the genetic parents were told, and sued for custody.
Or that the rules around the birth parents taking their children back home (to unspecified Asian country ) meant that there were legal issues in doing so?

We just don't know, so can't really judge.

Butchyrestingface · 08/07/2019 17:32

The clinic must surely provide further rounds of ivf to this poor couple.

No chance would I be going back there for round 2!

TeaStory · 08/07/2019 17:33

They didn’t keep them because they were legally forced to give them to the biological parents.

BlueSkiesLies · 08/07/2019 17:34

so must have really wanted a baby so why wouldn’t they keep them?

Because they weren't related to her! Presumably that was important to them or they might have considered adoption in the first place.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 08/07/2019 17:34

You have absolutely no idea what you would do in their situation. You don't know their reasons for having IVF, for having only female embryos or any other details.

To start a thread to judge them seems very bloody harsh, they must be going through hell.

Whatsername7 · 08/07/2019 17:35

What a horrific situation for all involved.

Underhisi · 08/07/2019 17:42

They had to give them up to their genetic parents. They also don't know what happened to their own embryos.

stucknoue · 08/07/2019 17:43

A horrific situation but you wonder if it's a one off, to get their success rates up for older women have then been using "donor" embryos. The only reason this family realised was ethnicity.

KevinKlineSwoon · 08/07/2019 17:52

They didn't choose to give the babies up. They weren't their legal children and had to be given back to the biological parents

Alsohuman · 08/07/2019 17:54

How bloody awful for them. Even worse to be judged on the Internet.

LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses · 08/07/2019 18:14

They didn't choose to give the babies up. They weren't their legal children and had to be given back to the biological parents

That's awful. I can't imagine going through pregnancy and birth and then being forced to give the baby over to someone else. The whole thing sounds horrendously traumatic whether the birth mother would have wanted to keep the twins or not.

ReganSomerset · 08/07/2019 18:17

How awful, for the mother and the babies. Very sad story.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 08/07/2019 18:23

That’s horrific. That poor couple. And the two sets of parents of the two boys who presumably weren’t expecting to very suddenly have newborn babies! Possibly whilst already parenting newborns or very soon to have newborns themselves.

MyOpinionIsValid · 08/07/2019 18:26

Hardly - they want their own children. If they wanted random children they could have adopted.

A lawsuit filed by the couple in New York states that the couple was shocked to give birth to two boys who were not of Asian descent, US media reported. The lawsuit says DNA tests confirmed the children were not related to the couple and they relinquished custody. The fertility clinic has not commented on the allegations.

TremblingFanjo · 08/07/2019 18:46

So she had the babies that she'd grown, nurtured and birthed taken away from her - and the poor babies were given to parents that, although biologically theirs, weren't exactly expecting to have a baby at that point?

ALemonyPea · 08/07/2019 18:55

What an awful situation to be. How sad for all parties involved.

Feelingquitewarm · 08/07/2019 19:11

Poor babies. Poor parents. Poor everyone involved. How sad and traumatic.

AquaPris · 08/07/2019 22:37

I would expect them to go to the bio family and for her to receive as many IVF tries as needed to give birth again - funded by the clinic

AliceRR · 08/07/2019 22:43

I think, as PPs have said, it’s hard to know what you’d do in those circumstances or if they even had a choice. I’m not sure how easy it would be to determine whose were the parents? 🤔

But also, they clocked on because the children were a different race, and makes me wonder how often this happens and it’s just not obvious

U2HasTheEdge · 10/07/2019 00:44

Were they forced to give the babies away or not? It doesn't sound like they were forced into it, going by the article I read.

I know with surrogacy the birth mother is the child's legal mother until adoption occurs. Wouldn't it be the same for this case?

Either way, you have no idea how you would feel if you were faced with this situation.

drsausage · 10/07/2019 03:17

They were forced to give the babies to their biological parents according to every news story I've read about it.

Poor sods.

LauderSyme · 10/07/2019 03:54

Such a shocking story, I cannot imagine what that poor couple must have gone through. It must have been completely freaky to be either of the other couples involved too.

I think that legally the people who 'supplied' the embryos have to give consent for what happens to them so if they refused consent for the 'surrogate' parents to keep the babies, they had no choice.

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