Waiters/Waitresses always only looking and interacting with the male customer?

[Loka123]

Waiters/Waitresses always only looking and interacting with the male customer?

I've constantly noticed that if a man and a woman are out at a restaurant, cafe, etc. together, the man is always given the menu first, asked if we're ready to order, thanked at the end, asked if the food is okay halfway through, has the specials read out to him. This is regardless of whether it's a male or female waiter/waitress.

Has anyone else noticed this?

Yes. It really annoys me, especially when I'm paying/treating and then have to intercept the bill.

Haven’t seen this for years, tbh. It used to happen quite a lot but I think training and general awareness has got rid of a lot of those attitudes.

I think they assume he’s paying. Asking him to taste the wine always makes me laugh. How is he supposed to know any more than a woman.

Depends where you are. It’s still the norm in some restaurants - literally taught in induction. Which is utterly ridiculous and decent employers are trying to wean out of their restaurants.

Yes I notice this frequently and I find it very rude and disrespectful. Just this weekend, my husband and I were staying in a B & B and the woman who ran it kept directing her conversation at him only, when I was there too!

I find the opposite. Maybe I give off a ‘I wear the trousers’ vibe.

Me too Notthetoothfairy.
Although having said that, I wonder if it's because we're generally eating with DC, so the wait staff possibly want to check with the DM that everything is OK with the DC's meal. They've worked out that if the DC are happy, then the DM is happy and the world is therefore all good.

I'm a waitress and am really conscious of not doing this, as in I take care to direct attention appropriately and equally regardless but as such I can also report that it works just as often the other way around - the number of women who's orders/meals I deal with who automatically defer to the man, both wrt ordering and speaking to me generally; it's bizarre!

YES!!! Since the day I met DP I've always picked what he's going to eat and drink, his choice, no abuse here...

Every few weeks our DS's stay with family and me and DP always go out for a meal.

EVERY SINGLE TIME the waitress addresses DP only. I'd understand that in the traditional sense but even when it's very obvious that I'm the one doing the ordering, they will only look at him!

Even when it comes to paying, they automatically pass the bill to DP who passed it straight back to me. He always pays for our meals but he gives me his card in advance.

It is beyond awkward.

FWIW DP is as handsome as they come (in my completely biased opinion)...but seriously!

Never had this problem, think I give off the same vibe as Notthetoothfairy

I've never noticed this and eat out quite a lot.

DP (male) is a veggie but the server will 90% of the time try to give the veggie meal to me and the steak to DP.

I haven’t noticed this at all!!? We eat out regularly too.

Since the day I met DP I've always picked what he's going to eat and drink

Not the point of the thread but that is spectacularly odd.

I eat out alone a lot and so don't have this issue. When I take my dad out they will do the wine thing with him, but he loves the theatrics of swishing a bit of wine about and I couldn't care less.

I find the opposite, however it's usually me getting us seated, ordering for us both (I dont choose his food I promise!) and using my card to pay. The staff speak to me since I've just been the one speaking.

I’ve only had this a few times thankfully. I usually order as I’m the more “foodie” one and will have looked at the menu before!

The bill gets given to whoever asked for it. Only once has someone given the card machine automatically to DH when I was paying and then was apologetic and we had a laugh about it.

It’s the same everywhere not just Waitrose. People always assume the man will pay. Also, if there’s a same sex couple, the bill tends to be given to the older person (or the one who looks older / more put together).