To hate the phrase "came by it honestly"

[drspouse]

I don't hear it that often thankfully but it really gets my goat!
It seems to mean that a child gets a talent (or an irritating habit) genetically from their parents.
I have no idea why that would be honest and picking up a skill elsewhere would be dishonest.
But as my DCs are adopted it sounds like everything they can do it gained dishonestly and all other children get their talents honestly.

Surely getting something without effort from your parents' inbuilt talents would be less honest than working hard and developing a skill on your own?

And what if your genetics are less than fortunate? My DS has ADHD as does a member of his birth family. That's hardly "honest".

Never heard it. Would assume someone was talking about an item they were selling online (and assume it was stolen).

In your context, I'd be looking at the person using the phrase like they had two heads and asking them what on earth they meant.

I am nearly 60 and I have literally never heard anyone say this except on tv. That’s when the criminal is trying to make out to the police that they haven’t stolen something lol.
I think you are overthinking this.

That's not what it means, OP. It means that the child legitimately came by whatever quality is being talked (red hair, good at maths etc) from one of the people who are publicly acknowledged to be its parents (eg father is one of a long line of famous red-haired mathematicians), therefore the child isn't the result of a extramarital liaison.

Similar to 'he didn't lick that off the ground' and the like. Basically, 'you can see where little X inherited Y from'.

Oh, sorry, didn't read the rest of your post fully, OP -- I can see it would be annoying if you are a parent by adoption! Though I swear I see at times a physical resemblance between a friend of mine who adopted her daughter, now an adult, from China. I can only assume they mirrored one another's body language or posture or something.

I've never heard that phrase, other than referring to acquiring a material item. Never in reference to kids/talents etc.

I’ve never hear of the phrase either!

*heard

And my parents are continually wondering where I got things from, and puzzle over what I ended up doing for a living, because no one in our family has apparently ever manifested any interest in the stuff I do. Much conversation about how possible Great-Uncle Someone once did X.

I have never heard this used in the context of a child's talents.

I have no idea why that would be honest and picking up a skill elsewhere would be dishonest.

I'm assuming it's the mother not the child who would have been dishonest, if someone other than the alleged father was responsible for the genetic inheritance.

No I think I've got it wrong. The phrase just means "we know where they got it from."

Never heard this phrase used.

I'm sure no-one literally means to imply that talents that come from nowhere are dishonest, that's overthinking.

I’ve never heard this either.

Nope, never heard of it.

You'd hate being in our family then, we seem to use it all the time!

I agree that some people are obsessed with finding some older family member from whom a child can be seen to have 'inherited' a talent for something. (Is it a generational thing?)

I have pointed out once or twice to older family members that the child they are claiming inherited their skill in some sport from some long-dead cousin is adopted, so has no genetic link whatsoever to Cousin So and So, but I'm a bit dubious about the possibility of genetically 'inheriting' being good at tennis or a flair for languages, anyway.

I'm surprised more people haven't heard of it -- I would have said it was common enough, or variant versions like 'He didn't lick that off the stones' or (slightly differently) 'The apple doesn't fall far from the tree'.

I agree that some people are obsessed with finding some older family member from whom a child can be seen to have 'inherited' a talent for something. (Is it a generational thing?)

My family is very bad (both my DPs and also aunts etc.) for this but fortunately they do not use this phrase - I've heard it IRL, on TV, and just the other day on MN (which is what prompted this thread).

My DN has some anxiety issues (not adopted) as does my DS (adopted). My mum goes on about how she knows where the DN gets it from (her side of the family). How is this relevant to how we look after DN and DS?

I have never heard "he didn't lick that off the stones" thankfully as that would make me scream!

I'm a bit dubious about the possibility of genetically 'inheriting' being good at tennis or a flair for languages, anyway.

Me too - I imagine you can inherit persistence, or being tall and muscly, or some aspects of intelligence, and then the specific things you put them to are down to the family you grow up in encouraging you to do tennis, football, or dancing; or languages, music, or maths.

The phrase just means "we know where they got it from."

People use it about an skill from a family member that the child didn't grow up with (e.g. uncle or grandmother) though so it isn't just "they learnt it from Dad".