Simple poll- phone in teenager's room

[hopefullyhelpfully]

DD (13, nearly 14) has a lot of freedom to go out, meet friends etc. However I have 2 hard and fast rules:

1. no phone in her room after school until her homework is finished
2. phone left downstairs at night (bed time 10-10.30)

Apparently I am the worst and most unreasonable mother EVER and all her friends have their phone in their room at night. They may well do- I see lots of messages flashing up late at night once she's gone to bed but I don't trust that she'll go to sleep at a sensible time with her phone there. DH has already disabled WiFi on all her devices (laptop/ iPad/ phone) after 10.30 to be certain.

She's 13- is this too controlling and Aibu?

You’re right, end of! 😉

YADNBU.

Our secondary is very keen on no phones in bedrooms overnight. We have a charging dock in the study and everyone knows they need to plug their phone in at bedtime. They don’t love it. I think my 15yo year 10 particularly feels he should be trusted. But my house, my rules.

Dd is just finishing Year 9. She's not allowed her phone in her room overnight. You can't be the worst, most unfair parent in the world, because apparently, I am!

My 14year old son has the same rules, no phone upstairs at night. I think you are perfectly reasonable! And I'm sure most of her friends have similar rules.

No phones in bedrooms overnight here. Doesn’t matter whose phones they are, I’m paying the bills so I get to decide!

You are absolutely correct.
My DD is exactly the same age and I have exactly the same rules.
And I am also soo unreasonable

I’ve a 16 year old and 14 year old. I have never taken phones off them or blocked WiFi. They have undoubtably had a couple of late nights and tired days but they quickly learnt to self regulate.
My only rule is so long as they get up and to school on time and reports are good then I’m not strict Mum. So far neither have let me down. Both top sets, fab reports polite and pleasant young adults.

We don’t have phones in bedrooms overnight. Well, except MIL, but hers is always turned off.

DS and DN haven’t clicked that they are 18 and both paying for their own phones now so could probably argue their point to get round the ban and I ain’t bringing it up anytime soon!

My twins are 16 and they’ve both said on separate occasions that they like the fact they can say “Oh my mum is a dragon and phones are banned” to their friends as it gets them out of the grief for night messages. Although they have both whinged many times about the rule as well!

YANBU and every teacher and responsible parent would agree with you

I think you've made the right call. We all know how easy it is to spend a little too long on your phone and end up staying up later than we should. Although, perhaps some leniency on weekends could be a nice compromise.

Going back a few years, my friends dd had always been the perfect kid, no trouble at all.

When she turned 14 it changed almost overnight. DF was coming into work upset every day, crying all the time. We talked about it a lot, DD personality had totally changed, turned into a total nightmare, swearing and aggressive, refusing to be part of the family.

After a month or so we hit on sleep deprivation as a potential issue as she was on her phone all night. New rule of no phones after 9pm in rooms was instituted the next day.

All hell broke loose for 3 days as she was NOT happy obviously. And then, the storm broke. The old happy cheerful dd returned.

It was such a clear cut cause and effect that there was no question or doubt in their minds and it made it very easy to withstand all arguments the dd made requesting her phone back.

Yadnbu
No phones in bedrooms here and my DD (11 & 14) aren’t allowed them after 8pm to allow their brains time to relax before bed.
It has saved them both from being involved in night time fights amongst friends on occasion, so their objections have receded.

No phones in bedrooms here. Well I don't mind in the day time. But I know my child would be on it all night. Also I worry after seeing children putting their phones on charge and then putting it under their pillows and it causing a fire!

I have a 15 yr old and we have no phone rule after 9 pm during the school week and 10.30 pm at the weekend.

Yanbu 10/10.30 is very late though for a school night.

Mine are 17 and 14. No phones in rooms at night when they have school the next day. Weekends/holidays I'm not too bothered - it's not the end of the world if they want to watch Youtube or Netflix when they don't have to get up early the next morning.

Ha. I knew it! DD is annoyingly eloquent and presented a good case for me trusting her and her being able to self regulate, and i was getting so tired that i was wavering....
Deep down though I know it's the right thing to do. Just bloody exhausting having the same argument every few weeks!

No phones in rooms from 30 mins before bedtime (age appropriate), as even without wifi, they could use mobile data, or just screen watch, and end up with disturbed sleep.

Kids don't like it, but that is the way it is, and stays that way.

Visitors over the age 17 can decide for themselves, but our house our rules for youngsters!

Mine have always been allowed their phones at night; never had any issues. I do understand why other parents choose to remove, not arguing my way is the only way.

The only thing I think is unreasonable is that you don't let her have her phone after school until her homework is finished. Is she not allowed any down time between school and homework?

I have also started the no phones in room after bedtime rule. Dd is only 10 so it doesn't matter at the moment, (she hasn't started flouting rules yet!), but I'm hoping to get the rule well and truly established by the time she's 13 and it does matter.

No phone at bedtime for 15 year old and off all electrical items 30 min before bed. Means he also comes and spends 30 min chatting to us before bed without younger siblings around so also useful for serious chat or just talking about films / TV he likes not appropriate for younger ones / what jes worried about or moan about his siblings!

Ds has that rule but only on school nights. (Sunday night to a Thursday night)

15 and 13yos here.

I don't mind where they take their phones during the day and evening, but we're in a single storey home so it's easy to keep an eye on them.

No phones or other devices in rooms at bedtime though.

I have always taken phones away at 10pm, they do generally get their homework done so I don't confiscate prior to 10pm and they often use their phones.

My eldest is moving up to 6th Form so I am going to lift that rule on her now, she is old enough to self regulate.

I've read this post before.