Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH's birthday and DS

14 replies

MamaOomMowWow · 07/07/2019 19:50

DH's birthday is in a few weeks. He wants to do drinks/meal with friends at lunchtime, watch a football match (non-league friendly) in the afternoon, then more drinks from 5pm. This is in a city about an hour from our home.

We have a 9 month old who takes a nap for a couple of hours mid-afternoon and goes to bed at 7pm.

AIBU to have told DH that me and DS will just come for the lunch? He's said it's OK but I can tell he's disappointed as he said he wanted me and DS to come to the match with him. I don't have any interest in the match anyway and pre-baby spent lots of time going to this sort of thing with DH because he wanted me to, but now we've got DS and he's not going to be able to sleep through the match and is a fussy mess if he doesn't get enough sleep. There's also the very small chance we could get whacked by a ball and so I've heard a lot of clubs don't even let babies in old health and safety grounds.

We could hang around during the match and see DH briefly afterwards, but DH really wants us at the match. He says it would be fine but he's not the one who would have to deal with crying, overtired DS. AIBU to have told him "no"?

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaOomMowWow · 07/07/2019 20:06

Bump (and would be very interested to hear what anyone who says IABU thinks I should do. I am willing to change my mind).

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 07/07/2019 20:07

DH needs to start realising that he can't make the same kind of plans he used to when he didn't have children.

louise5754 · 07/07/2019 20:09

Can't he do that with his friends and you three go for lunch local another time?

cunningartificer · 07/07/2019 20:10

9 months? I’d take him. It’s once a year, and actually lovely that your DH wants you both there. If the ground won’t let you in with a bai, your problem is solved.

AllFourOfThem · 07/07/2019 20:12

I don’t think either of you are BU. For what it’s worth, I know many 9 month olds who would sleep in the sling with very loud white noise being played and would be completely oblivious to the entire game. As a one off, for his birthday, I’d be more agreeable to his suggestions that you are being though.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/07/2019 20:13

Is the match outdoors? Is there a space you can park the buggy near a seat? Mine always napped better outdoors so would sleep well at this sort of thing.

Original poster
MamaOomMowWow · 07/07/2019 20:14

Just to clarify in case my post wasn't clear, DH will have friends with him at the match and the drinks before and after - the question is just how much me and DS go to. I'm very happy to watch DS so DH can have fun, I just don't see how we can keep the baby happy at the match during nap time. I also expect DS would not sit quietly for 90 minutes even if I could get him to nap before and after or something. He's at an age where he just wants to crawl and cruise etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaOomMowWow · 07/07/2019 20:18

I don't think DS will nap during the match. He still addicted to movement so struggles to nap in the pram unless I'm walking at a reasonable pace (it's like the film Speed where you can't drop below a certain pace!).

I also kind of am not sure what the point would be of going if DS is just going to sleep. DH knows I don't really enjoy sport and have only gone to previous matches for his sake - or at least I think he knows this...

OP posts:
Divgirl2 · 07/07/2019 20:18

I'm amazed DH even wants you two at the boozey birthday lunch. Personally I'd just tell him to go have fun and have a family birthday day another time.

Feelingquitewarm · 07/07/2019 20:19

Your DH is bonkers.

trilbydoll · 07/07/2019 20:21

You could go, and after 20 minutes of struggling to entertain DS, leave and then DH will see why you didn't want to go in the first place? If he's really determined to not see the potential pitfalls in advance you might have to demonstrate Grin

FreiasBathtub · 07/07/2019 20:21

You know your DS best. If he won't sleep through a football match (and, FWIW, neither of mine would at that age) and he goes nuts without a decent nap (as both of mine would have) I think it's entirely reasonable to skip that part of the day.

I'm more relaxed second time round as I know that DS will get back into his rhythm eventually, but with DD the naps were sacred. And DH has, I think, a bit more respect for all the work I've put in to get two solid naps a day and so is more realistic about what can and can't be planned.

BendingSpoons · 07/07/2019 20:29

YANBU. He either makes a child friendly plan or accepts you won't be there for some of it. Surely he can have fun with his friends (with you there at lunch) and possibly do a family celebration another day. I agree with you that there is not much point you being there if all you are doing is focusing on entertaining/distracting a grumpy baby.

My DH likes going clubbing for his birthday. Since having DCs I have told him I will come to the pub and head home around 10.30 as I can't expect my parents to babysit later and I need to be functioning the next day to look after DC. Not ideal for him but realistic.

SandyY2K · 07/07/2019 20:35

Have you told him that having to settle DS if he gets irritable in that environment wouldn't be much fun for you .

I can't imagine a lot worse, than my DH expecting me to go to a football match with a baby. Tbh, if I was one of his mates, I'd be wondering why he did that.

YANBU

I think your idea of being there for lunch is a good one.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page