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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bloody football...

34 replies

Whocansay · 07/07/2019 19:17

Right, so I'm donning my hard hat!

My DCs are football mad (as is my DH). The DCs both have training once in the week and then matches on Saturdays (usually). This is all fine, me and DH juggle this quite happily.

My youngest DS is apparently very good, and has been asked to join another team which plays matches on a Sunday. This would also mean additional training in the week. If we agree to this, my other DS will also want to join a Sunday team. So, I have said this is not happening.

DH and I both work full time. Sunday is our only 'free' day (although youngest still has swimming!). I do not want to give this up, as I want to be able to do things other than football on a Sunday, or even - shock horror! - have a lazy day. My DH clearly thinks I am being selfish and should let both DSs join a Sunday team. AIBU?

OP posts:
AlpenCrazy · 07/07/2019 19:20

So would they have matches Saturdays and Sundays? Your post isn't clear.

Tbh this is normal if they're good. What age are they? Sooner they're out playing sport than sitting playing in a console.

Nesssie · 07/07/2019 19:23

I love football but weekday training plus both weekend days? I agree that’s a bit much tbh

thedancingbear · 07/07/2019 19:25

What would he otherwise be doing at 10.30 on a Sunday morning, OP?

Bagadverts · 07/07/2019 19:27

To see what is underlying this think how you would feel the if DS was very good at something else that you really value. If Sunday was going to be disrupted for DS to do extra art, music, tennis would you still want to safeguard the family time on Sundays? If you honestly would then yanbu.

ipswichwitch · 07/07/2019 19:33

It’s alright, your DH can take them to football since he’s so keen, and you can have your lazy day. There you go, problem solved. Sounds lovely to me .... I’m off now to get convincing DS2 he needs to join the football squad with DS2. DH would be over the moon!

Original poster
Whocansay · 07/07/2019 19:40

Thanks for the replies. DSs are 8 and 10. Yes, it would mean they were playing Saturdays and Sundays if they did this. We limit screen time, so wouldn't ever be on consoles all day.

I suppose I like the idea of having no plans, so we can have a bit of spontaneity to meet friends / go for a walk / go on outings, that kind of thing. And in the Winter, when it's chucking it down, I would much rather not be at the side of the pitch! (I appreciate, that is very selfish). I don't want to fill the time with other clubs. Although, I would like them to do something else during the week, to be fair. Football is great, but other interests are available.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whocansay · 07/07/2019 19:43

Sadly they don't play for the same team. That would be too easy! It definitely would need both of us to facilitate this. DH would happily take them on his own if he could. He really gets into it and can be more helpful to them than I am (I know nowt about football!).

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 07/07/2019 19:44

What time are the matches? If it's 9.30 so he'd be finished by lunchtime then you could all still do something in the afternoon. If it eats into the whole day, both days, then YANBU to feel pissed off. If they love it though then they may just resent you for putting your foot down. I would let DH take them and you have time to yourself.

AlpenCrazy · 07/07/2019 19:47

I'd encourage it tbh. It will only be for a few years, tops. And at least you have two siblings and a DH that love it.

We had around 3-4 years of DS playing academy, district, county football that involved 2-3 x nights per week training and matches Sat & Sun, often some distance away.

His younger sister was not impressed.

However, it was a wonderful experience for him and we have no regrets. DH and DS saw a lot of each other and DD and I saw a lot of each other every weekend, we were like a separate family.

What we'd do is try and work it to our advantage eg if DS was playing somewhere interesting we'd meet up afterwards and do something as a family together, even if it was just a late lunch out or something.

Lazypuppy · 07/07/2019 19:49

Why would they be playing for 2 teams? Just tell them to pick one team (either saturday or sunday) surely?

AguerosAngel · 07/07/2019 19:51

DS is 12 (nearly 13), he plays Saturday and Sunday and trains Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and at 7am on a Saturday morning.

Usually our matches KO at 8.30-9.00 so we’re still able to make the most of our weekends, there is the odd time when the KO is later though.

I don’t mind it, as we’re still able to do stuff together after matches.

DaisiesAreOurSilver · 07/07/2019 19:52

YANBU.

There's more to life than football, keep one day free for doing things as a family - like visiting a castle or the cinema.

So glad neither of mine had any interest in sport.

ghostyslovesheets · 07/07/2019 19:52

sorry OP but this is how it goes! (add a third child who wants to horse ride!)

Single parent - 2 football playing DD's - both train Tuesday night and one plays Sat the other Sunday

also being girls football the leagues are much more spread out so often drive 2 hours to a game

It's hard - I split it with their dad where possible - but that's the nature of being a parent

dootball · 07/07/2019 19:56

Isn't that why people have children - to take them to football matches early Saturday and Sunday mornings in freezing rain?

Original poster
Whocansay · 07/07/2019 20:06

dootball That's why you had children?!?!?

They play for different clubs as we have several in the area, and when our youngest DS was looking for a club, they didn't have a team in the older DCs club for his age group (hope that makes sense!). We wouldn't move the older one, as DH feels that would be disloyal. And even if we did, both DCs would not be playing at the same place. It gets very complicated!

Match times usually overlap, but are usually done by 1pm. I think it would be a similar deal if we did the Sunday teams as well.

I have previously told the older one he had to choose between swimming and football, as that would have meant Saturdays would be a complete write off.

OP posts:
saoirse31 · 07/07/2019 20:09

I'd let them do it, they love it, why not? Think it's quite mean not to actually. Good healthy thing to do, lots of benefits.

grafittiartist · 07/07/2019 20:10

I understand your reluctance. Free "down time" is important.
However- these things are often short lived with kids. They move along to different activities quite regularly I found.
Could you pair up with another parent in the team to share the taxi burden?

luckylavender · 07/07/2019 20:17

@DaisiesAreOurSilver - what a very strange attitude, that you're glad your children aren't interested in sport.

OP - if they are good then sadly that is what they'll have to do & it's only fair it's both of them. Up to you to decide how best to support them.

Original poster
Whocansay · 07/07/2019 20:22

So the general consensus seems to be that IABU and should suck it up? Bugger Sad.

Thank you all for your replies though.

OP posts:
Jsmith99 · 07/07/2019 20:24

If your kids actually want to do lots healthy exercise in the fresh air which keeps them fit and teaches them teamwork and resilience, it’s difficult to argue that they should be prevented from doing so.

Look on the bright side, OP. It could be worse. Much, much worse. They could be horse-mad girls....

Original poster
Whocansay · 07/07/2019 20:29

This is true! Although, that would be easier to deal with as we simply couldn't afford that!

OP posts:
DaisiesAreOurSilver · 07/07/2019 21:03

@DaisiesAreOurSilver - what a very strange attitude, that you're glad your children aren't interested in sport.

What's strange about not wanting to chase a ball around a muddy field or watch your DCs doing that? Competitive sports are tedious and can be divisive.

Plenty of ways to exercise without the tedium, of organised sport. My DCs weekend activities were music and theatre, much more spectator friendly.

Original poster
Whocansay · 07/07/2019 21:21

DaisiesAreOurSilver I would love to get my DCs playing an instrument, but although they love music, they show little interest in actually playing. How did you get your DCs interested in playing?

OP posts:
BlueJava · 07/07/2019 21:24

Would this be all year or would you have 1/2 year when you had Saturdays/Sunday free? If it's all year I think that's too much, if not then perhaps let them do football at the weekends but make sure you make the most of free weekends!

Outnumb3red · 07/07/2019 21:27

My DS trains 3-4 times a week and plays on a Saturday and I love it. I love taking him and I love watching him.
I think it's great that he has a focus and goals.

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