Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed in ‘friend’

15 replies

BadPeaMask · 07/07/2019 18:17

Friends with a lady for over 5 years. Two years ago we moved to same new build estate. I’m having to move due to anti-social behaviour from two neighbours- blocking our drive, throwing rubbish into garden, kids constantly kicking ball against windows, noise etc.
Anyway friend has been sympathetic as she knows they have a nightmare for us but since we’re moving away she’s been saying she is ‘friends’ with the neighbours to keep the peace as she will still be living here but I don’t trust her. I wouldn’t be ‘friendly’ with people who has behaved so badly to a friend of mine AIBU to expect more?

OP posts:
Original poster
BadPeaMask · 07/07/2019 18:22

By friends with neighbours I mean she speaks to them
In street, Facebook friends and on a WhatsApp group with them also.

OP posts:
clpsmum · 07/07/2019 18:24

Think what's app group is a bit much tbh but at the end of the day she has to live there. I think she's probably just keeping them sweet as she's seen how they have treated you and doesn't want to go down the same route with them. I really wouldn't take it personally or as a reflection of your friendship

sar302 · 07/07/2019 18:25

Yes YABU. She still lives there. She still has to deal with these people day to day. Why should she make trouble for herself so you can feel better, away from the problem?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 07/07/2019 18:26

Yabu really, why would you want her to fall out with people who clearly won't think twice about treating her like that too?

I'd be keeping my head down and being civil too.

Original poster
BadPeaMask · 07/07/2019 18:38

Thanks that’s what dh thinks but I just get a horrible feeling she’s going along with it when they are talking about me and worried she’s sharing information with them. She’s been asking lots about my new house etc

OP posts:
Original poster
BadPeaMask · 07/07/2019 18:40

But realise this may be paranoia on my part! It’s a gut feeling really like things have shifted and my instinct is to not trust her all of a sudden? It’s weird

OP posts:
RebootYourEngine · 07/07/2019 18:41

I understand why your friend would want to do that but I would keep your friend at arms length.

Alb1 · 07/07/2019 18:42

She has to live there and doesn’t want to end up on the wrong side of them for obvious reasons. She’s probably asking lots about the house to try and reassure you that she’s still your friends and interested in your life. YABU but I can see why, I hope your new move works out well for you

TitianaTitsling · 07/07/2019 18:45

worried she’s sharing information with them. She’s been asking lots about my new house etc. In the kindest possible way, Do you really think that you are that important to them, and they'll not have moved on to annoying someone else? Did you have to involve the police at all?

Ponoka7 · 07/07/2019 18:47

She's worried that she's next, so as said, she's keeping them onside.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 07/07/2019 18:48

What do you think they will do with information about you or your house?

BlueMerchant · 07/07/2019 18:52

It's not unreasonable for her to be 'friendly' with them. They are neighbours and she won't want her life made hell but I would be wary of her as WhatsApp groups etc are beyond being neighbourly and it's likely she is being used to pass on info or else is trying to Integrate herself into friendship with these people by giving them the gossip now that you are leaving.
I'd keep things to myself and tell her nothing.

ElspethFlashman · 07/07/2019 19:00

YABU. She has to continue to live there, she is playing the long game. Probably quite sensible. With respect it is not on to ask her to be snotty and standoffish to 2 neighbours she has no personal issue with long after you've gone!

And the WhatsApp group may be for several neighbours and its common enough in neighbourhoods. It doesn't mean they're intimate pals. Being FB friends means absolutely nothing. People have hundreds of FB friends.

If you have been friends for 5 years isn't it more likely she's asking about your new house out of friendliness and polite interest? Or even just plain good humoured nosiness?

The idea that she is somehow conspiring with the neighbours to get this top secret information out of you for some nefarious reason is, with respect, fairly bizarre.

Malvinaa81 · 07/07/2019 19:14

I suppose some of this is do with loyalty.

And as ever with friends, conflicts of interest, and mixed messages, other priorities etc.

Difficult to judge her, but maybe just be wary of any level of detail.

You've moved now, so new friends and acquaintances mean this woman will be less relevant. Just drop her gradually, as she will you.

Original poster
BadPeaMask · 07/07/2019 19:26

True malvin we will see less of each other

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread