To think my children deserve better.

[TenAndFive]

My children's father and I have been separated for almost 4 years now.

And it feels as if he is NOT doing enough, he does call to speak to them several times a week, but for almost 6 months now he has never suggested to take them out on the weekend, he does send both children a gift every Friday but it’s just not enough.

The only time he is interested in spending a time with DS10 (he is not really interested in spending time with DD5) is during the school holidays, DS10 spoke to him a few hours ago and he has asked him where he would like to go (abroad) during the 6 weeks holiday, and he didn’t even mention DD5.

I feel like I am a single parent, because he is not having any input in their lives. It has got to the stage where I feel as if they have got used to this, and I believe they do deserve a lot better.

I am just so angry with myself, I should have walked away from him as there were plenty of red flags but I didn’t want to judge him, and not for one minute to a regret having the children as they are the best thing that have ever happened to me.

Oh god, I just need to vent.

You are a single parent. You and the child's father are not together.
Does he pay maintenance? If not then yes, you are also a lone parent. It is sad and yes your children do deserve better, but it is what it is. You can't force him to have them.

The only thing you can do is insist that he treats the children equally and refuse to allow holidays with one and not the other, so I would focus on that

Of course they deserve better, and so do you. The bigger question is what to do about it to ensure that your children have a strong sense of self-worth despite his behaviour. I expect asking a question like that in the parenting section might give you better advice than just getting sympathy in AIBU.

Yes he does pay maintenance, and I know I can’t force him to have them but I expect a lot better from him.

Even for him to pick them up from school once or twice a week would make a huge difference, DD is not effected by this but I know DS is hurting.

@MRex - I posted in here because I knew I would get more replies.

I am not looking for sympathy but I just feel so alone right now, I do speak to my friends but they just don’t understand because they’re not in the same situation as me.

You are a single parent though.

Unfortunately you can't make any parent take more interest in their children unless they actually want to.

Sad but true and in years to come, your kids will realise what their dad's really like.

🙁