Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To take DC stuff to charity shop

20 replies

AtSea1979 · 07/07/2019 11:13

I have asked DC to tidy their rooms, it’s an expectation that it’s done weekly. It never happens without nagging and arguing. Today I have told them to tidy it. After battling for half an hour with them I have gone in to their rooms and picked everything up off the floor and put it in to bin liners. It’s now in the boot to go to the charity shop. There’s one open in the next town until 4pm AIBU to take it?
For context DC are 14 and 10 so not toddlers, they should know better.

OP posts:

Awesomeo90 · 07/07/2019 11:32

Yabu to take it to the charity shop, however I would put the bags in the attic, your room, the garage etc and only give them back when they've kept their bedroom tidy for a week. I'd also sit down with them and have a good declutter of their bedroom. I'm literally half way through this with my 2 right now (4 and 7) and after having to keep their bedroom tidy themselves, they've parted with a surprising amount!

Original poster

AtSea1979 · 07/07/2019 11:35

I’ve tried to declutter with them but they both won’t part with anything so I have don’t it myself when they have been out. They now have about 20 toys each and a bookcase full of books. Older DC can use phone 3 times a week for an hour.

OP posts:

Flibbitygibbit · 07/07/2019 11:36

Just shut their doors ! They'll not forgive you for this one !

Birdie6 · 07/07/2019 11:36

When mine were that age I had a plastic linen basket which I used to put everything I'd picked up off the floor. Once a month I took the basket to the charity shop and donated it. They knew this was going to happen because I'd warned them. If they wanted the things in the basket it was their job to take it out and put it where it was supposed to be. If they didn't do that, the things got donated.

Original poster

AtSea1979 · 07/07/2019 11:37

If I shut their doors the mess will just get bigger!

OP posts:

user1493413286 · 07/07/2019 11:39

I would give them the chance to “earn” it back somehow. I think taking it to the charity shop is a bit much. If they aren’t bothered about getting it back then take it to the charity shop in a month or so

Pinktinker · 07/07/2019 11:39

I’ve done it before. I basically told my DD’s if they did not tidy their bedrooms, I would be taking anything left on the floor to the charity shop. They said they didn’t care so I stood by my word and they stood by theirs, they really didn’t care.

Weenurse · 07/07/2019 11:40

Yes it does get bigger until they are about 18, then they don’t want to sit in their mess any longer.
Pick your battles.

Frenchfancy · 07/07/2019 11:41

Your 14 Yr old can only use a phone 3 times a week!! Yabvu. These are not your possessions to dispose they belong to your dc. Close the door and chill. Unless you actually want them to leave home at 18 and never come back.

Teddybear45 · 07/07/2019 11:43

What’s the point of giving kids their own rooms and then imposing your own standards of tidiness on them? As long as things are clean it doesn’t matter if they’re messy. If you do this you will effectively be telling them they don’t have a safe space in their own home - many kids to whom this happens (myself included) leave forever at the earliest opportunity and don’t return even to visit.

NotSoThinLizzy · 07/07/2019 11:43

I remember my dad doing this but he put it all in the bin and made me watch while bin men came and took it away. Still haven't forgiven that one. Still didnt make me keep my room tidy as I stopped caring at that point

Theyroamoverhere · 07/07/2019 11:44

Yabu its not your stuff but things theyre attached to. Find other punishmenrs vut not that.

Passthecherrycoke · 07/07/2019 11:44

Ha my mum used to do this! I was relieved to be honest, meant a clean slate to try and keep it tidy. Tidying is actually read hard especially when you’re a teen

BendydickCuminsnatch · 07/07/2019 11:47

What’s the point of giving kids their own rooms and then imposing your own standards of tidiness on them? As long as things are clean it doesn’t matter if they’re messy.

To be fair it’s pretty hard to clean a carpet when it’s covered in toys.

I’m on the fence with this one - my room was an absolute bomb site until I left home and 10 years later I still struggle to keep on top of things. My parents’ house is very cluttered still and it’s only getting better now my dad no longer works. So I am trying hard to teach my kids how to tidy and HELP them. I was just left to do it as a kid and so it never got done as it was overwhelming and I had so much shit. Thus I feel very anxious around tidying/mess etc and it’s all more stressful than it ought to be.

Aprillygirl · 07/07/2019 11:56

What's the point? It'll be you that will end up having to replace it all in one way or another. I think you should allow them a bit of mess in their own space anyway. The 14yr old especially needs to have that bit of freedom to 'spread out' how s/he wishes.

danmthatonestakentryanotheer · 07/07/2019 12:05

I used to to battle with my daughter about the mess in her room...then she moved away to university and her room was empty.....I miss that messy room sometimes. Her flat is spotless btw .

Badcat666 · 07/07/2019 12:27

Do it for the 14 yr olds stuff, he is old enough to know better, the 10yr old is just copying him, maybe just hide his.

Basically I just wouldn't go in their pits anymore. Don't do anything for them if its in their room.

My mum had to do this for my older brothers when they were 14 and 13 and sharing a room with their little brother because of exactly this, the whole room would be full of their crap by the end of the week and she actually have to clear a path to get to her younger sons bed to put him to sleep (Little brothers bed was on one side of the room, they were on the other side in bunk beds)

When they were at school one day she actually went in their room , took the carpet up and painted a line on the floorboards (even giving the older boys more room on their side) and replaced carpet with rugs. All their crap was piled on their beds. Basically the ground rules were set as follows: Any of their crap ends up on little brothers side of the room? Goes in the bin. They want clean clothes? Bring it downstairs to go in the washing basket. They taken plates and cups upstairs in their room and not bought them out? No pocket money. They take food up and it starts to rot? No pocket money and they have to clean out the rabbits cages. She would also make them hand over their school uniforms during the week (weds and Fri) so she could wash them all over the weekend for school week as she knew they wouldn't bother to bring them downstairs.

The reason my mum did this? It was HER house, NOT their house. As soon as they moved out they could be as messy as they wanted to be.

But this was HER house, dad and her had worked their arses off to get it and she wasn't going to let them ruin just because they couldn't be arsed to pick things up from the floor.

It worked, in fact both my older brothers are very tidy adults and realised my mum was right when they got their own places as adults.

Also both my brothers loved my mum and were with her holding her hands when she died and to this day we can't bring up her memory with without my older brother having a little weep because he still misses her so.

It didn't "scar" them for life, just taught them a valuable life lesson that you can't just do what you want in life, that girls/boys (depending on sexual preference) will not find you attractive if your room is a tip and you smell rank and respect someone else's property and your belongings.

But then again we were pretty poor so they didn't have a zillion toys and books to clutter up the place!

florentina1 · 07/07/2019 12:31

I put everything of DDs in bin bags and piled the bags on the bed. She slept on the floor for 3 months. It was a real Mexican Stand Off.

Luckily my 2 adult GCs still live with her. They out messy her and she goes nuts. At 40 she finally apologised for her messy teenage years.

It is not just the mess is it. It is the lack or respect, not to mention the smell.y

Lifepanic1234 · 07/07/2019 12:45

YABU, I second what NotSoThinLizzy says. They are kids they are going to be a bit messy - and I am a super tidy person - but I feel it catches later, my older son is now quite tidy. No need to go all drama about this. Stuff in the garage, given back after talking to, move on :)

Simonmaria1 · 07/07/2019 13:39

Speaking from the other side of the fence. I am a charity shop manager and sick and tired of parents clearing their kids floors into a black bag and then bringing it into my shop. As a charity it costs us £50,000 a year on rubbish collection. It takes a lot of time and hard work to wade through sacks and sacks of rubbish because ppl want to dump it on us to sort out their tat. If you make a donation that is saleable it is great for the charity but please use your own bin or the local tip. We are not a dumping ground. It's even more frustrating when we are told it's all really good stuff with brand new labels. Which turns out to be not saleable odd socks, dirty pants and broken toys.

Flip