Inappropriate Colleague- more of a WWYD

[BeMoreCareful]

So I work in a professional field where we do peer appraisal of colleagues separately from line management. Someone I am meant to appraise in the next few weeks has sent me a very sexually explicit text, presumably getting my number mixed up with an escort he already knows/has prior contact with from the way the text is written. He describes the sexual acts he wants in some detail and asks to make a booking.

I found it pretty horrible to read all this, I definitely don’t want to do his appraisal and I don’t want to “brush it under the carpet” as I feel quite angry about it.

AIBU to take this to our boss and HR?

Or is that overkill as it was an error? I could instead quietly ask the appraisal lead for a swap without going into detail as to why beyond saying he accidentally sent an inappropriate text.

Colleague has some form for sexist/unpleasant behaviour and is married with kids but I think this might be clouding my judgement.

Talk to someone in HR. Verbally so you can discuss it and decide what you want to do before you formally escalate it.

But you have every right to ask not to appraise him. HR should be able to support you in that, at the very least.

What to do about the rest of it, I have no idea. I know what I, and probably you, wouldlike to do, but thnk that it is probably iegal to send that text to everyone else at work.

Just thought but
a) why does he have your number?
b) are your phones work phones?

If they are work phones then he could be in trouble there... purely a technical reason!

Unfortunately there is no way to unsee, and this puts you in a horrible situation. Whatever you do you must protect yourself, and if it comes out you gave him any kind of appraisal after reading that text, that could be bad for you--so protect yourself first. Don't let this vile specimen of a man put your position or ethics at risk.

As to what to do...By sending you the text, he has undoubtedly breached your workplace behaviour policy (whether it was intended for someone else or not is irrelevant, you received it). You have every right to raise that with your manager or HR. Not sure whether I would or not, it would largely depend on the workplace, I think.

Good luck, OP, what a shit situation.

Definitely talk to HR and definitely don’t appraise him.

It’s not right that you have been exposed to this because he’s got your number for work reasons and I do think the company should be involved.

Also, I would have to let him know that I know and that his disgusting behaviour is not a secret.

Was this text sent very very recently?

You need to report this to HR, and your line manager, and once you have done that follow with 'of course with this being investigated, it would be inappropriate to work with or appraise this colleague'.

Also was this his and your own phones, or work phones?

you need to be specific to HR in your report.

TBH, I think you’re being generous in assuming it was meant for someone else. He may well be getting off on making you uncomfortable with an ‘accidental’ text. You definitely need to report it to HR and/or your manager.

Wow I wasn’t sure AIBU would give me such thoughtful responses! Thanks all, this is helping already. I like the idea of raising it informally with HR first.

ChequersDog you raise one of my fears actually about his intentions or at least reaction to it.

It happened recently, and I use a personal phone for work (don’t know about him).

When you speak to HR you can tell them that this has made you feel very vulnerable, using your own phone for work is now something you don't think you can continue... use this to make the point that you need a work phone! You will have to block him from your phone!

It is good you have not discounted Chequers point, it could have been deliberate. You'd think he would have noticed and panicked, wouldn't you? You just don't know, so do go to HR to at least have your employer informed on the matter.

When you speak to HR you can tell them that this has made you feel very vulnerable, using your own phone for work is now something you don't think you can continue... use this to make the point that you need a work phone! You will have to block him from your phone!

This! Definitely raise with with HR, informally if that's easier, but you need it documented. Creepy bastard.

How can you say it's innapropriate when he thought he was texting someone else? I think it would be overkill to go to hr, what he does in his private life is his business.

How can you say it's innapropriate when he thought he was texting someone else?

But he didn't, he texted OP.

I think it would be overkill to go to hr, what he does in his private life is his business.

It's not when he involves a colleague.

I would do all of the above but forward to his wife.

I use a personal phone for work

I'd recommend blocking everyone from work now and tell them that if they need you to use a phone they need to now supply one.

ChequersDog you raise one of my fears actually about his intentions or at least reaction to it.

Surely if someone had sent this to the wrong person they would have followed up with an apology?

Is his appraisal supposed to be good? I wonder if he'll use this as an excuse to blame you if he doesn't get what he wants during the appraisal,especially if you keep quiet.

My bet is he thinks he was going to get a less than perfect appraisal from you so he has set up a way to use this later.

It was a stupid mistake on my part but she has used it to ruin my career. I'm being discriminated against due to my sexual preferences. She deliberately kept this secret so she could blow up my career.

eeeooow, yeh awkward, I would ask them to swap apparaisals and if the push for an explanation tell them.

Swap the appraisal
Go to HR
Do not send it to his wife
Keep everything formal

Please send this to Ask A Manager. I would LOVE to see the response from there

I agree with the suggestion - Ask a Manager

www.askamanager.org/ask-a-question

Talk to HR, there's no way you could be doing a fair appraisal for him at this point; HR can manage the issue, inform his manager and change the appraiser list; you don't need to do anything more. At a minimum he should receive a verbal warning for this. If there is a pattern of other inappropriate behaviours then he may face harsher penalties. I wouldn't care about that and neither should you.

I doubt it was accidental. He was looking for a response.

Definitely tell HR.

Thanks all, interesting that this is pretty unanimous to go to HR apart from one response, this matches my gut feeling as well but really helpful to have some reassurance I am not overreacting.

I have had no further contact since the text so no apology.

I agree with all the comments about keeping it professional and I don’t know his wife and don’t have her contact details anyway.

Thank you again!

Agreed about keeping it professional. Much as his wife needs to know, for you to tell her would compromise your job and he's not worth that!

Best of luck with HR OP.