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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoying the DH got involved?

20 replies

FeatherySquawkington · 07/07/2019 09:58

DH had an argument downstairs with the two DC concerning games console. When eldest DC came upstairs I attempted to speak to him about what was going on and DH decided to interject 'his side' of the story. I then got cross with DH for getting involved with a conversation I was having with DC about it - I wasn't taking sides, was just discussing the issue.

AIBU to get annoyed at DH for getting involved in the conversation I was having with DC (it ended up in another argument).

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 07/07/2019 09:59

Well he could argue the same. Why did you get involved?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 07/07/2019 10:01

Why don’t you want him to be involved in a discussion with one of your children? It’s perfectly normal.

GruciusMalfoy · 07/07/2019 10:02

You involved yourself in their argument after it was over. I'd have spoken privately with DH to see what it was about and get his side of it if it seemed necessary.

Sofasurfingsally · 07/07/2019 10:03

Maybe you were trying to control the situation.

Nautiloid · 07/07/2019 10:03

He was already dealing with it, and present at the time...

Alloftit · 07/07/2019 10:05

He was already dealing with it, why were you sticking your oar in without knowing the facts?

Soubriquet · 07/07/2019 10:06

Yeah why did you have to get involved?

Original poster
FeatherySquawkington · 07/07/2019 10:07

I didn't launch into a huge conversation with DC, it was more of a 'everything ok?' before I spoke to him about something else. I wasn't going to do anything as a result of the answer and DC didn't come to me to talk about it but it turned into another argument as DH wanted to give his side again. I wasn't really that interested in it.

OP posts:
Juells · 07/07/2019 10:33

I wasn't really that interested in it.

shouldn't really have poked your nose in then.

RebootYourEngine · 07/07/2019 10:48

If I tell a child off whether they are mine or my niece's or nephews and they go bleating to another adult I would always tell the adult what happened. Children can be good at playing adults off against each other so that they don't get into trouble.

Alloftit · 07/07/2019 10:54

So you did get involved.
But, but, but. Sounding like a child yourself. You were in the wrong OP, sorry!

PooWillyBumBum · 07/07/2019 12:43

YABU.

I always check DHs side of story before interfering. We are a united front, even if we squabble about how to deal with something behind closed doors!

StillCoughingandLaughing · 07/07/2019 13:08

You sound very dismissive of your husband.

museumum · 07/07/2019 13:10

If you were listening to your dc side then you should hear dh’s too.
Personally I’d have kept out entirely and not encouraged dc to be reporting back to you.

Ponoka7 · 07/07/2019 13:16

You should have spoken to your DH first.

You say that you wasn't really interested in it and wasn't taking sides.

There are arguments going on in your house, so you should be interested.

You do sound very dismissive and should make sure that you're not undermining your DH.

WillLokireturn · 07/07/2019 13:29

Sorry OP, but I think you should have asked your DH first. He was the adult there and he had dealt with it. Unless you don't trust his parenting. Unfortunately your DH was right that it would have come across as undermining him. i get what you were trying to do but it was uncalled for. Is have agreed with my DH first that I wanted to take a neutral approach and ask DC about it after hearing what he saw, if it was absolutely necessary and DH thought it would help reiterate message he'd already given. You are either a united front or you aren't.

Unless there's a drip fees coming that you were concerned at DH's response that you'd overheard. And even then why not talk neutrally to him about it out of DCs earshot ?

Goldmandra · 07/07/2019 13:34

Sometimes I will talk to my DC after a falling out, partly to make sure they are OK now and partly to help them reflect on what happened and what they could do differently next time.

I would get irritated with my DH if he restarted the argument by piling in and insisting on telling his 'side' of the story when I was doing that.

WillLokireturn · 07/07/2019 14:11

@Goldmandra
Yes, and I can see that was OPs intentions too. But it didn't come across that way to her DH, who had just dealt with it, as he got upset, and who had an equally valid point.

It would have been better to have checked in with DH first and said, I'd like to.. (then your first bit of your post) so that he understood her intentions.

Goldmandra · 07/07/2019 14:22

If my DH thought I was undermining him, I would expect him to clarify that with me later, out of earshot. Wading in like that won't have helped with a united front.

OP, is the issue that he doesn't trust you to parent appropriately?

Weezol · 07/07/2019 14:25

I voted YANBU for the reasons Goldmandra gave.

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