Basically, a very close friend has a very up and down relationship with her partner.
Lets called her sandra and her partner paul.
Sandra & paul have been together four year.
When sandra wanted to move in with paul, he wanted to live at his mums with her so she did that for two year. Like anyone sandra soon wanted her own space with paul and started looking at rented accommodation. Paul dragged his heels using ‘we should buy’ as the excuse (fair enough totally agree)
Luckily sandra got her wish after much pestering and they both moved into a rented house which they have been in now for two year.
Last year paul got a new job and went from been a social introvert locking himself away on his computer to being a social butterfly going the pub etc with new work friends. Sandra was happy to see this. We both said it was progress and positive.
Not long into new job paul cheats on sandra, plans to start a new life with new woman and totally leave sandra in the dark. Use money out of joint savings you name it be thought the grass was greener.
Sandra found out and when confronted paul said it was all a mistake (like they always do). In that time period as sandras friend i let her stay with me and my partner so she wasnt alone, i sat with her while she cried. I took her out shopping etc to take her mind off it. Listened and was a friend. Sandra took paul back. I told her things wouldnt get any better but i would always stand by her decision.
Moving to the past month, sandra and paul have now got a deposit for a mortgage. Sandra is really excited and paul again like the first scenario is dragging his heels. He has gone back to being socially introvert and spends 0 time with sandra. (This is exactly how things were before the cheating scandal)
Up to sandra opening up about pauls behaviour she has being making out to our group of friends how perfect the relationship has been since she took him back. I kinda saw through it as i find the more people try and persuade everything is perfect it usually isn't. So tonight she has confided in me again in his behaviour.
Am i being unreasonable to tell her to just leave him, buy her own house work at her career and flourish in self care as she deserves better? I just feel like she is going round in a circle and all i see is her being unhappy and not been treated emotionally how she should. I have offered her a place to stay if she needs some space but i feel like she is just going to let this carry on till he maybe fucks up again?
Feel free to share opinions
Thanks and sorry for long story x