To ask your advice on making friends?

[Tellmewhyidontliketuesdays]

I've been attempting to make new friends. I'm struggling a bit with the etiquette around this. Examples ....

A parent of DC's friends has several times said let's do "X" together but when I text to make a plan doesn't reply, weeks later will say I forgot to reply etc. This has happened several times. Always the plan has been her suggestion.

Another newish friend had been much more straightforward. A couple of evenings out at her suggestion, seemed to get on really well, had fun, and then didn't hear from her again.

I sound desperate and I'm not really. But I feel like my social skills are really rusty!! It all feels a bit like dating. It makes me wonder if setting out to make friends is too weird. My old friends were all acquired in a more natural way.

Not much to offer in way of reply but just wanted to say I feel exactly the same. Following with interest, hopefully some one with good advice comes along!

Just us PandaMa!

That's how it goes sometimes, Tellmewhy. People often say, "We must get together and do xxx". Then when the other person suggests something they panic and make excuses. Or else they have too much else to do and only made the suggestion off the top of their head but, loosely, meant it at the time; they just hadn't thought of the other person taking it seriously.

It's no reflection on you.

I'd love to make new friends but I just don't know how to even meet people! I haven't managed to get to the evenings out etc that you have had OP so in my view you're doing well!

I am in a NCT group ... I suffer with anxiety and depression so I havent always been around for catch ups ... however lately I have been feeling much better and I have put myself out there to 3 different ladies from the group, suggesting a catch up ... nothing back ... this saddens me ... but if people can't accept me at my worst ... then they won't have the pleasure of me at my best ... I have decided I just don't fit into there box ..

I moved to a new area with my young kids knew no one. I’m a widow so really wanted to make some new friends. So went to a few school class year coffee mornings and if I seemed to hit it off with someone said let’s do lunch! Some of these took off some didn’t. I’d invite a few interesting women over for dinner. I volunteered at the school. I put myself on the line. Just was friendly and open and took the initiative. Eventually I did meet a couple people who became proper friends. Then I made a few more. Some ‘friends’ are just nice to talk to at the weekly coffee morning but I don’t have enough in common with them to sustain a friendship outside of the school connection.
Just don’t invest too much on one person. And keep getting involved. It will up your profile.
I don’t think there’s any etiquette about this - but I do find English people a bit reticent about making friends outside their set circle. Don’t wait for someone to contact you, reach out. If they brush you off move on!
The reward is I have one now very good friend who said I was the first parent (she’s worked at the school for 20 years) who made any effort with her. She has few female friends but I sensed a need in her and now she’s a really good friend.

I'm the same my DD2 is starting school in September and I'm absolutely dreading it.
My DD1 left primary school 3 years ago and I only have 1 friend from those days as everyone went their separate ways.
I'm a lot older now too so don't feel as though I fit in with the much younger mums

they just hadn't thought of the other person taking it seriously.
I find that really odd. It's not like an awkward social situation like leaving a job where I can see why people say things they don't follow up on. I do get the impression the woman in question is really busy.

It makes me wonder how I know if people do mean it when they suggest catching up. A couple of other people have suggested it recently and I don't know whether to follow up.

Some ‘friends’ are just nice to talk to at the weekly coffee morning but I don’t have enough in common with them to sustain a friendship outside of the school connection. I feel like that about school mums. It's nice to have friendly people to say hello to if I happen to be really early or at school events, but not much in common.

I guess I just keep going.

It is so much like dating! I’ve made several great new friends since having a child, but I have had to accept that for each new friend, I’ve crashed and burned with maybe 20 other attempts. The friendships that worked out were all ones where I didn’t “move too fast”.

Just chill out, be friendly to everyone but not too friendly early on and don’t moan because it does seem to put people off 🤣 It’s sad but if you give the impression that you already have a busy and wildly fun life, people are more drawn to you.

It’s sad but if you give the impression that you already have a busy and wildly fun life, people are more drawn to you.
Yes I've noticed that as I get busier people are now friendlier.

ADogRocketShip I met some lovely people on a part time course. Not sure if they are friends long term but nice company on the course and we've met up a few times.

I've suffered this we must catch up / have a coffee sometime. One "friend"
was just being polite and didn't really want to meet up with me. I got the hint and avoided her and she me. But I had bought her DD a bday present and she then felt she must buy mine one 9 months later. Was really awkward as she was just doing it out of obligation. I did feel she looked down on me.

The other friend just wanted me to invite her to mine. I did invite her to places out, but she would come and then complain her son didn't enjoy it etc and would rather have a play date. It could of been a money thing I suppose, although I'm not a big spender, I'm on a tight budget too. I only got one invite to her lovely house, she came to mine about 5 and I arranged about 4-5 other trips out together. Then gave up, bumped into her and of course she said we must meet up. I said yes great message me when and she never did!

It's so hard to tell ?!