To find this quite sad?

[NinjaInFluffyPJs]

The fact that it seems that majority of people, when encountering someone happy and with 'life sorted', make themselves or others feel better by saying:
"Well. He/she may look like they have 'all their ducks in a row' (learned that on MN) but there is probably, most likely lots of shit going on in their life and they just mask it well" type of thing?

AIBU to find it quite sad that people have to pull someone down or imagine someone else has a misfortune hidden to make themselves feel better?

Well, they’re not saying it to the happy chappy, are they? It’s hardly going to affect them.

But I think it's true. No-one has all their ducks in a row, life's not like that.

I've never met anyone who hasn't been through grief, heartache or hard times and that does stay with us deep down no matter how happy we are on the surface.

That’s interesting, I always interpreted it more as an imposter syndrome type thing - you might feel like you’re a mess, and everyone else but you has their life together, but actually everyone has their issues and behind closed doors their life might be different to the one you perceive.

I see it not so much as a ‘put others down to feel better’ perspective so much as a ‘we are all just floundering in our own ways trying to figure it out, so don’t beat yourself up for not knowing everything’

Yanbu, it's largely jealousy.

It's an immature response to the inequality in life.

Oh, I am not saying people have no issues. Absolutely everyone does have some.
But still, saying "don't feel bad, they are most likely just hiding something bad" is still sad.

Having your ducks in a row means you are well prepared for an upcoming situation. It doesn't mean their life in general is sorted.

And yes, it's often true that someone's life in the round is quite different to how it presents itself in particular circumstances or on certain platforms.

One reason why people say stuff like this is to remind themselves and theirbaudiebpnce that appearances are not everything.

@AuntieStella 😂 Damn. Got that wrong. Thanks!

I read it as you can observe the projection people want to put out ie happy/sunny/together but in reality its probably a mask for the outside world and the actuality is: none of us know what is going on behind the scenes, so cut a little slack

Yanbu. I have seen this a lot on MN. No, rich/beautiful people aren't all secretly miserable/horrible people/being cheated on by their husbands.

It is definitely distinct from Sparklesocks' interpretation, which I think is a much healthier way of viewing your perceived inadequacies.

Problem for me is that it often actually sounds quite.... Hopeful. Like people actually hope the person is not really happy or has a good life.

What @Sparklesocks said.
My sister always plays the victim ‘with my luck’ kind of thing. Now she has had tragedy in her life but also a lot of success. But she says ‘look at so and so they are so lucky’. And I point out that they may look as if they have it all, but you never know...

no - you have it wrong

its not about putting down the happy person, its explaining that what you see is what the person wants you to see

Me: just celebrated a milestone wedding anniversary, great well paid job, healthy DC - doing well at school etc... from the outside1 wow I'm doing really well

could be intimidating to anyone whos feeling a little low

in reality, i'm pretty bored at work, my DS struggles at going to school (SEN) and sometimes I feel like saying fuck it all and just vanishing....

what makes you feel better is not being alone, its knowing that even the most together people have fears, and wishes

But she says ‘look at so and so they are so lucky’.

But why can't you just say, "yes, it appears so". Why do you have to be alluding to some deep secret hurt? Just to create the illusion that everyone is suffering just as much? This is madness, of course some people are luckier, wealthier, have an easier time of things, are fortunate enough to have their hard work pay off, why can't you just say that?

it's true though isn't it? Money isn't a protection from your children or close family getting sick and all lives have ups and downs. Plus comparisons that don't galvanise you to change something you are unhappy with are pretty pointless.

Maybe I did get it wrong.

I started reading The subtle art of not giving a fuck this week and funnily enough recognised lots of MN posts in that book🙈 And it made me think if this "Probs shit behind the door" a bit.

Nothing personal!

The pics didn't attach

I am happy to be mediocre and I heard this "Oooh, you got your life sorted, didn't you" numerous times. Maybe I did. Maybe I just have different priorities. Everyone does.
I get excited over little things like a pretty weed in my garden. So much so I actually send pics to my family and DH to show how pretty the weed is.
I own 4 pairs of shoes under 40, because I don't need more, but I take uber home if it's pi*ng down. I don't party, instead spend money on nice steak and whiskey for DH and wine for myself. I am just generally a happy and easily excitable person, but I don't pretend to be so when something is crap. Now I wonder if people around think I am hiding something horrible...😂

I just never got this thing. I was always happy for my friends when they achieved something or bought something new what made them happy and I couldn't afford that by far on my measly wages. Some people will always be richer or poorer than me so why would I eat myself up by thinking "Well that new Range rover is most likely hiding an incurable STD and 3 bodies in a basement" or smth. I am the poorer friend. 😁
Negativity takes too much energy🤷 Feeling sorry for myself would take probably even more.