Totally fed up with DD’s attitude

[Teasynurse]

DD has recently turned 18, she’s just finished college and I have booked us a week away together for some quality time. She has Aspergers and associated anxiety issues and I am mindful not to put pressure on her over things that I know might stress her out. I love her dearly and for the majority of the time she’s great company.
Since she’s finished college she has basically done nothing. We talked about looking for a job but that’s too stressful, I have tried to get her to help around the house and maybe cook once a week when DP and I are at work. I have even offered her a budget to make over her bedroom which was going to be her summer project, to date she has bought down one load of washing.
DP has been refitting the bathroom, he said last night that while we are away he will take the toilet out so he can finish tiling and sort out the floor before fitting the new one. This will mean having to use the en-suite in DDs room. I told her about this earlier and she hit the roof! She doesn’t want him going in her room while we’re away and thinks this is completely unacceptable.
I’ve had enough. I know she has issues and I try and make allowances for her but I am getting sick of her doing nothing and expecting everyone to pander to her because she can’t cope. She wants to go to uni next year and I honestly think she’ll live in the same clothes for weeks and eat nothing but fast food!

I can see why you would find that frustrating however the teen years are hard and would be more so for someone with ASD. She has done school and college and now it is that period of adjusting to be more of an adult. I know people who struggled without ASD - some go traveling etc for a year old but that would be hard for her wouldn't it.

I get the feeling she is being told a lot of what she should be doing - getting a job, changing her room, but that is not coming from her but from you. And she would like to go to uni but you are concerned about her eating etc. Are you struggling too with her independence and adulthood? It sounds like she is trying to have some control with the toilet issue (and maybe some issues around having her own things)

Maybe it is time to listen to what she wants as well, and learn to deal with your own worries / concerns.

I have tried so hard not to push her to do things. She has been saying she wants a job for ages, most of her friends work and she wants to have money. The room sorting was also her idea, although I admit I have been telling her how unhappy I am about the mess for a long time. She started doing bits and then quickly gave up. I haven’t been in her room in ages.
DP needs to remove the toilet in our bathroom so why shouldn’t he be able to use hers? She uses all other rooms in the house, we do all the cooking and cleaning as well as paying the bills. How will she ever learn to live independently if she never does anything?