Recently I split up with the person I thought I'd be with for the rest of my life. It's been hard and I'm still v up and down in my feelings about it. The split was his decision and he's seeing other people now so there's no way back.
Anyway for my sins I am obsessed with watching Love Island...and the whole Michael/ Amber thing has got me thinking (for those who don't watch it he said she never let him be himself, he couldn't criticise her or talk to her, therefore it was her fault he had decided to start something with one of the other girls) especially as I've read lots of comments on here and elsewhere online that it was her fault and her behaviour that caused this...
So it's making me look back at my relationship and ask myself about things that happened and if they were my fault after all...my ex has levelled a lot of similar comments at me around criticism, closing down discussions etc. But I always felt a lot of it was more him always blaming others (or me).
2 examples that spring to mind...re others he was driving through a small gap near home, misjudged it and popped out the glass of his wing mirror. Apparently it didn't break but because the person following him was going so fast they drove over it breaking it...If that was me I'd have accepted it was my fault for knocking it out.
Also when we met he said he didn't smoke. This wasn't entirely true. He vaped secretly (every time I left the room) for about 6 months before I saw him doing it and asked him. And he was really defensive about it and said it was because I always said how amazing and perfect he was, I'd put him on a pedestal and he couldn't admit to any faults. I should add even this wasn't the whole story, it wasn't until another 2 years later that I found out he also smoked cannabis on a daily basis and had for 20+ years. Again he felt he couldn't admit that to me because of how I was.
So AIBU to think this wasnt my fault?