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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband drunk

245 replies

rcp27 · 06/07/2019 01:38

Hi,

Aibu to feel disgusted that my husband has come back so drunk he's been sick in our garden and is slurring his words. We have two young children and I'm worried they're going to wake up and see him in this state so I've told him to sleep on the sofa!
Most annoying is before we went out he said he wasn't going to have too many as we have a busy weekend planned. I'm so annoyed.
AIBU to feel disgusted by him?

OP posts:
Original poster
rcp27 · 06/07/2019 04:59

Thank you.
Yeh I do think it's a silly mistake and not used to going out and getting so drunk. But it's the selfishness that's annoyed me and now the impact it'll have on the dc not being able to do something nice today.
He can do the night shift tonight. Hope the dc wake up loads!

OP posts:
BullBullBull · 06/07/2019 05:12

Completely overreacting.

Original poster
rcp27 · 06/07/2019 05:19

Why?

OP posts:
HUZZAH212 · 06/07/2019 05:30

But to be fair he rocked up at half 1 and you're still awake at half 5, so the kids aren't really relying on him not being sozzled on the sofa? Are you going to be up for going out today still? Because I'd frankly be fucked by now if I was you 😕 If it was a one off and plans are now spoilt I'd be possibly a tad annoyed and ask him to cover childcare/meal prep today once he does wake up.

Introvertedbuthappy · 06/07/2019 05:56

Gosh, I don’t know why half of you are married if this is the way overdoing it is treated!
My husband and I will go out (separately) probably a handful of times a year. If this happened to one of us we’d cut the other some slack, let them have a lie in and hopefully enjoy the rest of the weekend. The idea of ‘punishing’ him by forcing him to parent when he’s still drunk isn’t fair on your children. He came in at half 1, not 4.

Yes it’s disappointing when you have things planned but a sleep til lunchtime should put him right then enjoy your afternoon. In the meanwhile plan your next night out and enjoy it knowing you will get the same understanding in return.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 06/07/2019 06:02

This was my DP last weekend. We had some friends round and he got so drunk he was stumbling around and being out of control. I felt quite annoyed but it's not all the time so let him have his fun. After everyone left we lit a fire in the garden and I sat out there with him chatting until I felt like he was sober enough to go to bed without causing carnage.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 06/07/2019 06:04

Also miraculously he had no hang over at all the next day and was bright as a button whereas I, who don't drink, was exhausted!

midsummabreak · 06/07/2019 06:05

Agree with TwistyTop , let him have recovery time for today today if possible, then , do a trade, have a fun night out tonight or tomorrow with friends , and leave him in charge.

BaweB · 06/07/2019 06:05

You're overreacting. He just misjudged it and he's probably going to feel embarrassed, guilty and chronically hungover when he wakes up. A lot of us - well a lot of people I know anyway - have been there!

It's really bloody irritating but it's also not that big a deal.

If it happens every weekend then it's a different story...

mathanxiety · 06/07/2019 06:28

You're not overreacting.

He was incredibly selfish to effectively put himself out of commission for Saturday, leaving you to do his share of the parenting. He will be in no fit state to be an active parent to the children tomorrow. There goes your weekend.

Nice.

This is the choice of a knob.

TheTrollFairy · 06/07/2019 06:34

I probably would let it go (but in our relationship I’m the one who’s always sick with alcohol even if it’s only 1 drink)
Obviously it’s not great that he’s so wasted but you said he’s not usually like this, even with drinking things like the heat don’t help. He’ll wake up with a bad hangover so he’ll get his payback.

He will definitely be over the limit to drive if he got back a similar time to you posting

niceupthedanceagain · 06/07/2019 06:36

YANBU it's fucking gross to get so drunk you puke as a grown adult

curlii103 · 06/07/2019 06:37

Sorry but given its a one off you're overreacting.. although you have every right to be irritated. Not sleeping in case your children wake up is silly. If they're that young they shouldn't be able to just wander downstairs in the night so I dont see why it would be different to any other night....

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 06/07/2019 06:41

Total overreaction.

Ilovefriday · 06/07/2019 06:46

I hope that you managed to get some sleep. I don't think that you were overreacting at all. You looked after him in that he's on the sofa with a bucket and then you took care of the children over night, on your own. I can understand why you'd be pissed off to be honest. Maybe next time he has a big night out you could take the children and stay with your relatives so that you are not dealing with the fall out or suggest that he goes back to one of his mates afterwards.

Cheeserton · 06/07/2019 06:48

Alka Salsa.... LOL!

beluga425 · 06/07/2019 06:55

I think he should be cut a bit of slack. Assuming you're in the UK, it was really hot yesterday. I got through pints and pints of water. He may have been dehydrated and just drank far too quickly.
If this was a weekly, or even monthly occurrence it would be a totally different matter. From what you have said it sounds like a one off.
Sounds like you're going to need some rest today as you were up so late so he'll need to look after the kids.

LegionOfDoom · 06/07/2019 07:00

I think you’re overreacting a bit. It’s a one off. Yes he’s over done it but it was a beer festival. The fact you’re still awake at 5am isn’t his fault. He was in by 1.30! Just cut him some slack this time and ask him not to get so drunk in future. Also, take a chill pill. Why are you so anxious about dc needing you at night? It’s not really the end of the world that’s they see him sleeping on the sofa. Can you usually not manage without him?

BillywilliamV · 06/07/2019 07:04

He gets drunk, once in a blue moon at a beer festival... cut the poor sod some slack!

Flabbergastedness · 06/07/2019 07:08

Just going against the grain, I do feel some sympathy.

I had a meal out with a friend a while ago that turned into a bit of a session! Didn't get home until the early hours, very drunk, stupidly didn't stop when I should have. I'm old enough to know better.

I'd had a tough year and I think I just let loose a bit.

My DH was so kind and looked after me, terribly hungover, the whole weekend. He didn't complain once. I've apologised and it won't be happening again, but his support meant the world.

If it's a rare occurrence, I'd give him some slack...

ginghamtablecloths · 06/07/2019 07:09

YANBU, getting pissed is so adolescent, proper grown-ups can and should have fun without going overboard.

Bellasblankexpression · 06/07/2019 07:10

It IS irritating and unattractive, completely agree but I think your level of anxiety about the DC and telling them he is away with work is a bit OTT.
Couldn’t you just say that he isn’t feeling very well so is sleeping downstairs? I’m not sure why you’re so stressed about them seeing him in the night? Are they likely to go downstairs?

Annoying that your weekend plans are ruined but as others have said, if it’s a one off I wouldn’t be going off on one. I’d make it pretty clear I wasn’t impressed and make sure you get a day’s complete break to make up for it.

There’s a beer festival here at the moment and DH got a bit drunk on Thursday night but he was mainly addled because he had been sitting in the sun all afternoon which didn’t mix well with the drinking! No sick or anything like that but he did fall asleep at 8pm when he got in Grin

Hopefully he won’t have such a bad hangover that the day isn’t a complete write off and I hope you did manage to get some sleep.

TheVanguardSix · 06/07/2019 07:15

My teetotal DH (not to sound smug- he was a raging alcoholic who is now 25 years sober...not a slip or sip in between) is a GP and in his words, alcohol is our national endemic. It is what ruins marriages and renders adults useless as parents.
Your DH's actions have ensured that he is totally unreliable for the rest of the weekend while he recovers. Let's not get started on his reliability while in that drunken state. I am sorry, but once you're a parent, you're on duty 24/7. No excuses.
Have a beer. Have a laugh.But don't have 7 pints and puke into the kids' Little Tikes splash pool. We're supposed to sit pretty and be 'ok' with this. Personally, what your DH has done is intolerable, selfish, and just entitled. No need to render yourself a paralytic dickhead in order to 'let your hair down'. I'm not British, so I'll get lambasted for that last comment. Because in this country, we're supposed to be super cool with our other halves drinking until sick and making them a nice, sweet cuppa in the morning while the kids are hanging off us for the whole weekend while 'daddy recovers'. Gives me the rage.
I feel rage on your behalf, OP.

pollypenguin01 · 06/07/2019 07:18

It’s is pretty pathetic that he got himself that drunk! Of course he should’ve had some self control and hopefully next time he will.

Although I do have to say I feel you are using your children as a bit of a weapon at the moment. All this ‘I’ve had to say daddy is away with work’ etc is a bit much. He’s asleep on the sofa after a heavy night out, don’t use your children as a point for your argument. They wouldn’t have known any different had you said daddy had an upset tummy so slept on the sofa to give mummy a good nights sleep, or similar.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 06/07/2019 07:19

I don’t get why you’ve been lying awake worried the kids will need you, surely they’d just wake you if they did. And what’s the big deal about daddy sleeping on the sofa, why lie about being away with work? I do y get it

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