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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think stbxh shoulda waited until I moved out to get a second dog?

26 replies

Ihavehadenoughalready · 06/07/2019 00:33

I get keys to my new place in a week. No dogs allowed, its best anyway with my work schedule.

I will miss our dog who is staying at house with X.

He’s just come home with a new dog from the humane society. I mean, just now.

I feel bad for our current dog, but assume she’ll get along with the new one.

I feel left out because this was not my decision. I get that. It won’t be my house or my dog anymore soon.

However, couldn’t he have waited a week? I think my plan should be to stay out of the whole thing, and take no part whatsoever in taking care of this new one.

So, am I being unreasonable to be annoyed?

And slightly jealous? He knows I love our dog and will miss her a lot,

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/07/2019 00:37

He's come home at half past midnight with a dog?

Where has he been up until now?

It's hard to answer your question really without knowing why he chose now to get the dog.

There may have been many reasons really.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 06/07/2019 00:38

If the dog came from the Humane Society, perhaps it was going to be euthanized (before next week)?

Original poster
Ihavehadenoughalready · 06/07/2019 00:39

I’m in the US. It’s 18:38.

Also, we have three kids with which we are doing 50/50 starting when I go.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/07/2019 00:42

Ahh right the time makes more sense now.

Have you asked him why he came home with the dog now?

Mind you, my dog is a rescue and to be honest I just wanted to get her out of her foster home and settled with me as quickly as possible.

As hard as it may be for you to accept, he's probably just doing what's right for the dog Thanks

Original poster
Ihavehadenoughalready · 06/07/2019 00:43

Ottersea, there’re always dogs that are in danger of being euthanized. We have always gotten our dogs at the local humane society. I just think he could’ve waited until I moved out. He didn’t have to wait long. There will always be more dogs....

OP posts:
SamBeckett · 06/07/2019 00:43

Is it possible that with you gone he wants something to new to love ?

It could of been worse , he could of brought home his new squeeze ! Shock

Original poster
Ihavehadenoughalready · 06/07/2019 00:45

Worra,

So your vote is I’m being unreasonable.

That’s what I’m looking to find out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ihavehadenoughalready · 06/07/2019 00:47

Sam,

Ah, you are right, it is preferable to that!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/07/2019 00:47

Well yes I think you're probably being unreasonable given that the dog may need a home right now, but at the same time I can understand how you feel.

Breaking up is never easy and moving on is hard but you'll get through it.

Here's to a happier life for all of you Wine

Original poster
Ihavehadenoughalready · 06/07/2019 00:47

Thx Worra.

OP posts:
Purpletigers · 06/07/2019 01:23

Neither of you are being unreasonable. Good luck in your new home .

PerfectlyNormalThankYou · 06/07/2019 01:54

YABU but I remember very well the hurt and pain and anger of ending a “proper” relationship and I know I couldn’t look at anything objectively for a few years.

Be kind to yourself and look forward to being single, the last five years since I split with my husband have been the hardest I’ve ever endured in respect of work/studying/finances/my health/kids health. And yet I’m happier than I ever was with him. Go figure xx

RubberTreePlant · 06/07/2019 01:54

I think it's a 'Look at me. Starting my new life!' kind of message he's throwing out.

Smile and nod.

Newlife4C · 07/07/2019 04:07

It’s hard to know your situation, but it seems that you’ve had a history of getting dogs from the US Humane Societies. Perhaps it shouldn’t matter. Would you have gotten another dog if you had stayed? Too bad your new digs doesn’t allow dogs. Would you have wanted to take your dog if they allowed them?

SlipperyWhenWatery · 07/07/2019 04:19

@SamBeckett

It could of been worse , he could of brought home his new squeeze

Mine did that. It wasn't nice.

BlackCatSleeping · 07/07/2019 04:26

Yeah, he’s definitely sending you a message. Just ignore the new dog. Hopefully this week will pass quickly for you. Flowers

everyoneisasleepbutme · 07/07/2019 05:50

Definitely don't help with looking after it! He can get a dog if he wants but it's not your responsibility.

Newlife4C · 07/07/2019 05:55

Okay...I left something out. I forgot to ask if you’d ever had two dogs before? If so, then the timing isn’t an issue. Trust me, even if you had moved to an apartment or condominium that allowed pets, they’re twice the work and worry. By getting out of there, you’re escaping all the maintenance, yard work, and lack of mobility. My neighbor has a fenced yard and one of those pet doors. They love it. Best thing they did for kids and pets. There’s no place like a house with a yard. I’d never trade that - especially when I don’t have to do it.

Teacakeandalatte · 07/07/2019 06:29

Its never going to be easy to leave your old home and your dog and kids (part time)but you presumably have a very strong reason to end this relationship so keep that in your mind. Your dog will probably benefit from having a canine companion so think of this from that point of view.

Original poster
Ihavehadenoughalready · 07/07/2019 07:34

Well, the new dog is being a pain to everyone, has jumped over the fence and got out already. Counter surfs, knocks everybody about, won’t leave us alone while we eat, is way too mouthy for a three year old dog. Also peed on my ottoman I was planning on taking with me.

Current dog spends a lot of time getting away from new dog. New dog is wanting to play but he’s very rough. She doesn’t like it, growls at him, and runs to me to protect her.

We have had two dogs before, but started each second dog save one at puppy stage to train them how we want them trained. So, we’ve rotated them in and current dog is dog#4. New dog makes 5.

I decided on a place that didn’t take dogs because when I used to live in a place that allowed dogs there was a dog that barked all day right below me and it was annoying. Also, taking care of a dog is a LOT of work. I don’t feel it’s fair to leave a dog all day long while I’m at work, either.

STBX is contemplating returning him to shelter due mainly to fence jumping and DD2 is upset at how he told her. He is so clueless about how to best approach stuff. I told him if he returns dog he is to make it clear to the kids that it is HIS decision, and nothing to do with my feelings about the dog since I will be leaving soon anyway. I also suggested he could have waited until I moved out to get a second dog, and thus have avoided having to hear my opinion on how unfair I felt it was for him to get a new dog and just expect that I’d help with it. Mainly I feel I’ve had to almost constantly be on watch to make sure the two dogs get along OK, don’t play too rough, don’t have food fights, keep my sofa pillows, dog toys, and a counter-surfed banana (!) away from the new dog while he clenches his fairly large jaws around this stuff and I’m not sure how he’ll react when I try to pry stuff away. He is a bit snappy and I don’t want to be bit.

He did go to work today and left me with the dog. 😡

In short, it’s been a very stressful day for me, the kids, and our current dog.

So, I think I was not unreasonable, after all, to think he should have waited to get another dang dog. (Sorry dog #1, you are a sweet dog, not a dang dog)

OP posts:
Original poster
Ihavehadenoughalready · 07/07/2019 07:42

PS The fence is 5 ft high and no dog of ours has ever been able to jump it, and we’ve had bigger dogs than this new one. STBX witnessed the dog get over the fence.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ihavehadenoughalready · 07/07/2019 07:44

PS I witnessed the dog peeing on my ottoman.

STBX’s comment on this: “It’s not that much urine.”

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 07/07/2019 07:48

Sounds like he hasn't thought this through very well but you're moving out so it won't be your problem for much longer

Teacakeandalatte · 07/07/2019 09:05

Is there somewhere you can go for the rest of the week to get away? It must be very awkward in the house with stbx let alone the dog? It's not your responsibility about the dogs any more so just get out of there if you can. If your main concern is the dog and property damage i would just leave it to stbx but f you are genuinely concerned the dog is not safe around your kids that's another matter. I would actually return it to the humane society myself in that case and tell them the full story. Explain you are genuinely worried about safety with the young dc and you will not be there to supervise in future. Tell them the worrying things and that there may be times stbx will not be around to supervise (if that is honestly the case). No responsible animal charity would be happy with that situation and they would take the dog back at least until your stbx can assure them he can keep dogs and dc safe.

Original poster
Ihavehadenoughalready · 07/07/2019 22:00

Dog made one more escape today, while H at work, got out of collar where we had him tied to long rope, jumped over fence, plus all morning kept mouthing on me, my son, and our other dog (who growled even more severely today).

My son and the neighbor girl tracked him down and brought him back. The dog had run across the street, so could’ve been in danger that way, too.

H decided it best this one was returned to humane society.

They took him back and will put him up again for adoption with 6ft fence requirement.

He was a cute dog, but not a good fit in this household.

And again, not fair I had to deal with “his” dog.

OP posts: