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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH is an arse, AIBU

23 replies

Newnamexxx · 05/07/2019 23:11

So, to cut a long story short DC is 12 and tonight had plans with friend at 7:30. I dropped them both off and friend’s parent was picking up around 10 pm so all sorted.

DH was out tonight but said he might get back before DC went out, but didn’t and didn’t communicate this to me or DC, no problem for DC or me, we had our arrangements and that was that.
Dropped DC and friend off, came home, twiddled thumbs for half an hour and then decided to go to local pub for hour/hour & half. Texted DH to let him know.
9;45 I get message from DH saying where was I and where was DC. He obviously hadn’t picked up message but I replied and filled him in. He then arrives with face like thunder asking where is DC and why am I in pub, why am I not replying to him etc.
DC was not due back for 30 mins and I was 5 mins from home but he made a massive deal of it. I left and came home, at least 20 mins before DC got back!!
DH is still not back...
He has made me feel like I was negligent, when actually I had the whole situation under control, as I have had for the last 12 or more years!!! V annoyed, AIBU?

OP posts:
formerbabe · 05/07/2019 23:14

He is being ridiculous. Was he drunk?

Singlenotsingle · 05/07/2019 23:17

Stupid fool (him not you!) What was his problem?

Iloveacurry · 05/07/2019 23:18

He’s a knob.

Stefoscope · 05/07/2019 23:23

YANBU, he's being very overdramatic. At first I thought maybe he panicked when he got home and couldn't find either of you, but if he was that worried surely he would call rather than faffing about texting. Certainly disappearing for over an hour in a strop is not a good sign. Sounds like he was more annoyed you decided to go out and have a good time without him.

Cherrysoup · 05/07/2019 23:23

So he’s stayed in the pub? If he was so bothered, why didn’t he go home to wait for your dc?

Derbee · 05/07/2019 23:32

YANBU. He sounds like a dick tbh

Original poster
Newnamexxx · 05/07/2019 23:38

Thanks all, I think I knew he was being an arse - he has come home now (DC is safely tucked up in bed) and has gone upstairs without speaking to me!! Knob!! 😬😥

OP posts:
Original poster
Newnamexxx · 05/07/2019 23:39

Oh, and he is (can be) a dick 😂🙃😕

OP posts:
Mummoomoocow · 05/07/2019 23:42

Control freak. He didn’t want ds to leave without him coming home first which is why he mentioned it in the first place. Then neither of you were home. Cue dramatic “where are my belongings!?”

MonkeyToesOfDoom · 05/07/2019 23:46

He's done this so you'll think twice about going to the pub again. Punishing you with the silent treatment and bad attitude.

Sounds like an arsehole at best, an emotionally abusive bully at worst.

Charmatt · 05/07/2019 23:52

Why don't you talk to each other instead of just sending messages?

Btw, he's being very unreasonable!

itslateandiminmypyjamas · 05/07/2019 23:53

If he's a dick why are you with him, genuinely?

Original poster
Newnamexxx · 06/07/2019 00:00

He is a bit of a control freak and does use the “silent treatment” to “punish” me. His reasoning is that he likes to know what is happening so that he knows DC is safe/looked after but in all these years, there has never been a single hour where DC was not cared for or in my/his care; any arrangement ms made by me!! He hasn’t got a leg to stand on and I will be making sure home knows it!! Thanks all x

OP posts:
MilesHuntsWig · 06/07/2019 00:01

As above, why are you with him? Sounds like an arse.

Original poster
Newnamexxx · 06/07/2019 00:04

In answer to the question “if he’s a dick, why are you with him?” Genuinely? He isn’t always a dick, he is mostly lovely, but has got more controlling over the years, since DC came along. He has changed since we became parents and is OTT regarding our child but most of the time he’s lovely... just sometimes an arse. 😬

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 06/07/2019 00:08

So do you go out or are you the one at home because clearly he can

ReanimatedSGB · 06/07/2019 00:08

Go careful, OP. Controlling bullies get worse, not better. His control issues will spill over onto DC, as well: arbitrary punishments, stamping and bellowing that they are not 'showing respect' once they are big enough to answer back and question rules...

GabsAlot · 06/07/2019 00:10

Being controlling isnt lovely-its abusive

He stayed out after ripping you a new one over when your dc would be home and why are you out?

MonkeyToesOfDoom · 06/07/2019 00:12

I don't get this attitude I see on here at all..
"He's usually lovely but sometimes he's an arse / abusive / controlling" etc etc.
Not just you OP, I've seen it a few times.

To me, a dog that bites you only occasionally, is still a dog that bites.

LizzieSiddal · 06/07/2019 00:14

What the fuck? He sounds like he treats you like a child and doesn’t trust you at all.

You’re a grown woman and have been a mother for 12 years. He should start trusting you or he needs to go and get some therapy for his trust issues.

He’s the one with the problems here, not you.

S1naidSucks · 06/07/2019 00:31

Pay no heed to this lot, OP. I’m sure he’s a wonderful husband,

so long as you do as you’re told.

Original poster
Newnamexxx · 06/07/2019 00:33

I think his problem (I stress HIS problem) is that due to work commitments for a lot of DC’s life, I have been the main carer. Now DC has started to have a social life, DH finds it hard to let go and let DC have the freedom.
You are all right that he is being a control freak and an arse and I am planning to deal with that. This is the first time this has happened although he has shown his control freak colours a couple of times recently.
How I deal with this is key and thanks to you all for your support, I feel empowered to stand my ground and explain to him how his behaviour made me feel. Hopefully we can deal with it!
Thanks again for all your replies x

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 06/07/2019 01:23

Of course, it's possible that something about DS getting a bit older and more independent is bringing up some stuff that's making your H anxious because his position as infallible bossman of the household is under threat and he might be a reasonable enough individual to be able to acknowledge this, laugh at himself and start accepting that both you and DS are people and not his property... But he might not. Like I said, go careful.

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